To Neshomeh

Apologies by zdimensia on 2014-07-11 16:05:00 UTC Reply

I've got a bad taste in my mouth, which means I had an unpredictable drug flashback and it broke my brain.

Despite it being something that I cannot control and cannot see happening, I apologize for not unplugging my router.

I apologize for having taken the drugs that my doctor gave me. I apologize for succumbing to the lingering side effects that plague me more than a year after I stopped taking them.

I apologize for getting frustrated in the first place.

And I apologize for everything I said when my brain was malfunctioning.

*pats on the back* (nm) by eatpraylove on 2014-07-13 13:09:00 UTC Reply
To Neshomeh by zdimensia on 2014-07-12 19:01:00 UTC Reply

I am sorry that I let my frustrations get the better of me.

When you denied my first request, my head had already started to clog with ideas in the first month, and it was already causing anxiety. I couldn't find a prompt that would work with my main team, especially when I learn who they are by working with them. I should've explained this instead of breaking the rule about writing missions without permission. I figured that I would be okay with you being wrong about me being one of those people who get permission and never do anything with it, but that was a mistake and I should have argued from the beginning.

Once I was breaking the rule, I shouldn't have tried to hide it since it was just building my frustrations that I couldn't ask for more specific help.

When I finally found something to wedge in as a random prompt and asked for permission again, and you just said “something's missing” twice instead of explaining what the problem is, then admitting that you were waiting for me to figure it out on my own, that pressed my berserk button. I shouldn't have ignored that to let it fester.

I am sorry for building up this image in my mind of you being someone who likes having that sort of power over someone. I shouldn't have gotten upset with imagining that you'd reject my prompts simply because they don't follow the instructions exactly.

And when I went crazy it shouldn't have been at you.

I would like to accept your apology. by Neshomeh on 2014-07-14 22:26:00 UTC Reply

And I do appreciate the effort that went into making it. I acknowledge that you are struggling with something I don't understand, and I will try to be mindful of that in the future.

However, I won't accept blame for something that isn't true. You assert that I "just said 'something's missing' twice instead of explaining what the problem [was]." That is false. My exact words from your latest Permission thread, with the parts meant to tell you exactly what I wanted underlined:

First response - "Yeah, I'm just waiting for the second prompt to be posted. ... 'Cause, y'know, writing-wise, we specifically ask for character bios, a response to one of four control prompts, and a response to one of the random prompts from the table."
You had already posted your character bios and Samantha's recruitment story (a control prompt response; the first type of prompt I named in my post) to the Board, so I thought it would be clear that the random prompt response (the second type of prompt I named in my post) was the missing element of your request. However, you said in your reply that Samantha's recruitment was the second prompt, so I tried to explain again, drawing a contrast between what you had already posted and what I wanted to highlight the missing piece:

Second response - "In that case, I'm waiting for the first one. ... Because "character bios, one control prompt, and one piece of fanfic" is not the same as "character bios, one control prompt, and one random prompt from the table." So far, you've provided the former; I'm looking for the latter."
At that point you DID post a random prompt response, so it seems like I successfully got the point across.

Furthermore, I outlined the PGs' expectations for a Permission request in my first response to your first request, and it's all explained via the Permission article on the wiki, specifically point 4 in the "How Do I Get Permission?" section, and in the linked "36 Permission Prompts" document, which you must have looked at in order to come to the conclusion that you couldn't find a random prompt you liked. (I can highlight passages from the linked stuff as I did with my posts above, if that would be helpful.)

So, while again, I do appreciate the attempt to make amends, and I want to be understanding about your personal difficulties, it's impossible for me to overlook your statement that I didn't tell you what I wanted. I certainly did, and I had every reason to believe that you would understand what I was talking about because a) I explained it to you after your first Permission request, and b) what's required in a Permission request is explained in documents that people are expected to read and understand before applying. Therefore, I would like you to withdraw the statement, at which point I will be happy to shake hands (so to speak) and move on.

~Neshomeh

P.S. I wasn't the only one you went off on. I think VM and Ekyl also deserve an apology for being ranted at when they were being perfectly reasonable toward you.

Okay by zdimensia on 2014-07-17 17:20:00 UTC Reply

What happened was not intentional on your part, which was the heart of the problem.
Certainly VM, but I wasn't exactly ranted at. (nm) by Ekyl on 2014-07-15 03:30:00 UTC Reply

Here, have a hug by Seychelles on 2014-07-12 04:19:00 UTC Reply

I think you need one. I know your not a bad person, trust me. Sometimes You get so frustrated with other people, and I feel like you need one. You give good advice to me, and always answer my posts sincerely. I was born with problems as well, and have struggled with them every day. While I do think you should apologize on the Otherthing, I want you to
Know that I forgive you. I know where your coming from and I understand.
Alright... by VixenMage on 2014-07-12 02:56:00 UTC Reply

I must admit, this would be a lot more convincing if you scrolled down, read what you'd written to folks last night, and then apologized to them directly. We're not unsympathetic to mental illness and the ill effects of medicines, but that doesn't excuse bad behavior towards others. However, if you're serious, a sincere apology to the people you were rude to, for your specific actions towards them, would be appreciated. This is not that.