Re:Kill Him Off?

The Solution to a problem I've been having! by Dark Brother 16 on 2014-06-14 19:24:00 UTC Reply

I have the perfect solution for my trio situation that I have been trying for! Certainly, you all remember my proposed trio, which you have all pointed out is not very common place.

Well, I have decided to make a pair of teams, both from the Department of Mary Sues, who team up on a particularly stressful mission. What I have in mind is The Siren, a South Park badfic I have claimed some time ago. It has literally fifty original characters, at least three of whom are Mary Sues and the rest of whom are Bits. Here is a link to the story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7398957/1/The_Siren

The two teams will consist of-
1. Ellis and Wells
2. Bessie and Butler

During the mission into The Siren, Agent Butler will begin to show excessive homicidal tendencies that do not discriminate between Mary Sues, Bits and Out of Character Canon Characters. Because of this, he will be taken down and taken to FicPsych, and Bessie will, at least temporarily, join a trio with Ellis and Wells.

Here is the profile for Agent Butler.

Agent Butler
Known Aliases: Subject 11479

Species: Human

Age: Uncertain

Appearance:
- Eye color: Innocent blue
- Hair: Black and slicked back with a Handlebar mustache
- Height: Described as towering

Personality: The Butler is obsessed with cleanliness and manners. He will berate people for not wiping their feet on the door mate or having poor table manners, or anything of the sort. He pays very close attention to detail, and for this reason, does all the cleaning in the RC himself, an activity which he frequently can be found doing. He holds punctuality in very high regard and insists that the daily routines of him and his partner be kept up, unless there is some factors making it impossible to do so. He loves fine foods, especially Italian, and he dresses in fine clothes, listens to Baroque and Classical Era music, and enjoys classical literature.

However, underneath these traits, he is a very disturbed person. He thrives on murder, and takes pride and joy in keeping his friends and his foes alike guessing about everything regarding him. That is why he never talked with anyone about his past and why he eliminated anything and everything about him in the PPC database before trying to murdering his partner. That being said, he prefers not to put his trust in others very often.

While he goes about his "dirty jobs" in the field, he indulges in some eccentric urges that are mostly unique to each fandom, such as hording Chocolate Frog Cards from Harry Potter, or collecting Morgul blades from the Lord of the Rings. He has an odd habit of frightening his targets so that they either run away, giving him the pleasure of a good hunt, or turn and fight, to give him the satisfaction of defeating yet another target. That being said, he is a particularly sadistic agent. Whenever he hunts a target, he favors a Glock 18 handgun and a Freedom Fighter Combat Knife. Before killing his targets, he always gives an insincere "sorry".

As he is hunting or fighting a target, he becomes more focused and, in his eyes, the world slows down. He experiences a rush of adrenaline that can help him achieve feats of amazing physical conditioning. Anything that gets in the way of him and his target as he is in this state tends to be the object of his quick and intense wrath before he immediately resumes his hunt or fight. Also, while in this state of mind, he has a bestial tolerance to pain, shrugging off what would normally slow down other life forms.

After a kill, he tends to remove the organs and intestines from his victim with surgical precision, and places them in plastic bags, clearly labeled to distinguish which organ is which. He keeps the organs and intestines as trophies in individually marked porcelain jars, a practice which his partner, Bessie, shared for a time.

Aside from all these personality traits, he is a man of his word and greatly dislikes those who are not. He seems reluctant to kill children, but will indiscriminately if he feels that it should be done. He has an odd habit of forming attachments with his most persistent foes, such as Agent Spencer Ellis or Melvin Moore. However, he dislikes Mary Sues on account of their more often than not poor manners and self centered personalities.

Abilities: He is a very observant individual who pays close attention to detail and who can correctly guess what his opponent or target are about to do based on what little he knows about them. He has a surprisingly detailed knowledge of the anatomy of many different life forms from many different fandoms, and knows how to use nearly any environment to his advantage and use any weapon he can get his hands on. He is a deadly and accurate shot with a fire arm or other ranged weapons, and he is a force to be reckoned with in hand to hand combat. He also knows how to operate PPC Technology, even what he is technically not allowed access to on a regular basis. He has sufficient knowledge of the methods of FicPsych to deceive anyone but the professional doctors into thinking he is cured.

Background: Very little is known about Butler's past. And now that he has, for as of yet unknown reasons, destroyed any evidence of his past, even his name has been lost. However, it can be assumed that he was adopted by a negligent mother and experienced some childhood trauma, possibly involving surgery of some kind. It is also probable that he was ignored or disliked by his peers early on in life. Upon joining the PPC, he was given a position in the Department of Mary Sues, until he somehow snapped, deleted all his personnel files, and began plans to murder his partner.

When said plans failed, he was taken to FicPsych, where he was evaluated with an unidentified form of psychosis.

Please note that this is not a Permission Request. I just want your opinions and suggestions.

So, let me get this straight... by Storme Hawk on 2014-06-15 00:20:00 UTC Reply

You're creating a character, just to kill him off so that you can have a trio of DMS agents?

I think you're missing the point. Butler serves no purpose as far as I can see, and trio's of agents happen in the PPC, sure it's rare but it happens so why not just go with them at the start, or have one pair at the start with a third agent join them later (see below where I go off on a tangent). You're still effectively trying to get permission for four characters, and that's not including Plank if you try and get him in from the start as well. The way forward ( that I see) is using less agents, not more.

I get that you want to bring in four or five characters. But, to me at least you still seem like you're trying to cram them all in from the start. If I'm reading this right, and feel free to correct me if I'm not, but you want 3 agents in the DMS, 1 in the DIA and 1 in DMSE&R, yes?
If I were you I'd start out with a pair of Agents, seeing as they're together in your post, let's go with Ellis and Wells, try and get permission with them and just them, forget about any extra story plots you have in our head for now. Then once you have permission go through a few mission and introduce Bessie as a Recruit who Wells and Ellis get the 'joy' of training, go through a few more missions and bring in an interlude, or find a mission, that'd neatly link you into the DMSE&R and Plank (assuming you still want him by then), and all the way along drop little hints, nothing big about you building up the start of a plot. Now maybe wait a mission or two more, have another interlude with Plank and maybe introduce Moore into this one as well. Add more of the plot in and then wait a small while, building it up more and more until you have your climax.
By this point in time you'll have several missions under your belt and you should have been with the PPC for a decent amount of time, you'll know how to write the missions, what could happen, what could not and generally be in a better position for your big plot than you currently are, if at that point you do indeed want to continue writing that plot at all.

You can take or leave as much or as little of what I've written as you want, I'm just trying to throw some ideas around that could help you. But I think the crucial thing is that everyone (or pretty much everyone) starts in the PPC with one team of agents in one department. So just give it a whirl, and add in more characters and more of your story as time goes on, don't worry about any grand plot at first, just do what the DMS do best, spork stories and kill Sues.

Storme Hawk

Kill Him Off? by Dark Brother 16 on 2014-06-15 00:33:00 UTC Reply

I'm not going to kill him off. He's going to keep coming back. The two teams will be intertwined for a long time.

Actually, at this point, I'm just looking for concrit for this character. I'm not trying to get permission for him yet. He's not ready yet.

Well, I'm going to try just Ellis and Wells for the first mission with Plank playing indirect roles, never actually showing up anywhere but in conversations between Ellis and Wells. I hope to introduce those other agents later, if all goes well. If not, I'll work around it. I hope it doesn't come to that, but still, I can improvise if things go pear shaped, as the phrase goes.

"Our head"? Oh my. X)

That is indeed what I have in mind. The only difference is that I intend to introduce Bessie in the second mission when she and her theoretical partner join Ellis and Wells on the mission for The Siren. Like I've said, there are quite a few Mary Sues, at least three, and literally dozens of Bits.

And I appreciate your advice. It's helpful. However, I had already started making plans to act on my agents in the way you suggested. See, Huinesoron gave me an assignment mission, if you will, and said to include Ellis and Wells for now. It seems that, here at the PPC, as with almost anywhere else, creative minds think alike on occasion.

Thank you for your advice, again. :)

Can you leap to the middle? by zdimensia on 2014-06-15 01:54:00 UTC Reply

Write some things that assume that this is such old backstory that they barely mention it. Where will your agents be when they start to get bored?
Re:Kill Him Off? by Storme Hawk on 2014-06-15 01:24:00 UTC Reply

I didn't mean literally, more of 'Put on a Bus'.

Ah OK, I'll take a look then. Although the one thing I notice when I first looked at him is that you don't mention what continua he's from (not that I can see anyway).

Sounds like a plan

Typo, meant to be Your. Sorry.

3? I thought 2 was bad enough.

It's OK. I hadn't read through Huinesoron's bits of advice before I started writing, so I didn't see it until after I posted it (hence the Huh reply). I'd be quite happy to help Beta the PerMission if you want it, so long as the fic is from a continua I recognize.

np
Storme Hawk

Sounds like a plan by Dark Brother 16 on 2014-06-15 01:55:00 UTC Reply

Oh, I get it.

I'm not sure where he's from yet. Like I said, he's still in development. I'll come up with something.

'Tsall right.

Sure thing. Only thing is, I don't know how to message people on this Board. I never had to do so before. You think you could help me out?

Huh by Storme Hawk on 2014-06-15 00:27:00 UTC Reply

Just realized Huinesoron covered a lot of my tangent one of his replies to your previous permission request, so you can probably ignore that large bit of text.

Spotted an error by Dark Brother 16 on 2014-06-14 19:42:00 UTC Reply

I forgot to add a word in Butler's profile.

"And now that he has, for as of yet unknown reasons, destroyed any evidence of his past, even his name has been lost."

I meant to say "his real name has been lost". That one word changes the meaning quite a lot.

What an embarrassing mistake. I need to be more careful from now on.