(The title is messy, phrasing-wise, but I've still not gotten the hang of the character limitations in the titles of the Board's posts.)

I don't know if this comment would be counter-productive for helping you deal with the parts of your speech that genuinely are or could be interpreted as mistakes, but I think that having an, as you said, "alienly" speech pattern could be a good distinguishing characteristic for Aakmal.
It speaks to his history as someone who's a little foreign to his surroundings, which I think is an interesting angle. A lot of PPC recruits spend approximately fifteen minutes taking in "Wow, I guess this place really is nothing like home." and then settle into patterns of speech and behavior similar to the rest of the organization. It's not a bad thing, necessarily, when you consider the way that one's own speech patterns might adapt when immersed in accents, phraseologies, and terms that were formerly never experienced, but I've noticed it in most of the missions I've read, and it might be interesting to see a new take on it.
Someone who was raised in a distinctly different setting from the technologically saturated and dimension-hopping world of HQ, speaking a different language, and behaving and thinking in a way separate from others that he interacts with can be a springboard for an interesting character, and nothing drives home that difference more in a written medium than the way that his dialogue is constructed.
Just a thought. Feel free to discard or accept as much of it as you want. In fact, I think I went on about it for a little longer than I should have as it was.

This next part isn't related to the previous idea, but I was wanting to ask about it. How high and low would the sizes go with the clothing? How many body types would the clothing-maker orcs service?
I ask because general human(oid)-fit shops probably wouldn't work for Agents with unusual physiologies, and those Agents would probably need repairs or replacements after a couple of missions traversing the multitude of worlds and having their clothes ripped up fighting Sues. Add that to the fact that some of the more heavily-built species would more likely have more protection of the biological sort and inadvertently might not take as good care of their clothing and armor as they could, and you'd have steady business supplying them.

IV] Good luck, then. But beware, writing a novel takes lots of resources (time and patience being two of them).

III] Eeeh, it can work. See hS and VM's responses.

II] "I did had..." should be "I had..."

I] It's a Self-Check. You don't deliver it to anyone. You just look at how well you could answer these questions.