Re: Greetings, newbie!

Subject: Re: Greetings, newbie!
Author: Joseph Stuewe
Posted on: 2013-03-18 02:38:00 UTC

The plushie just turned into Sgt. Hartman from Full Metal Jacket, is that a good or a bad thing? It just threatened to unscrew my head and shit down my neck if I didn't un... myself.

Yes, I have read it. Bookmarked too so I can refer back to it if needed.

Thanks for the Bleeprin. I'll go put that in the Infinite Armory now. :)

Fandoms: Metroid, Mario, Zelda, Star Wars, Star Trek, and historical fiction.

Should I also describe my agents here?

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Hello! Is newbie here. by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-18 02:17:00 UTC Reply

Hey. I came across this fine group called the PPC thanks to TVTropes. I read the Original Series (loved it) and a few missions on the side. Once I managed to get rid of the stitches, I decided, what the heck, I'd love to be a part of this.

Should I tell more about myself here? Or am I good?

Welcome to the Board! by Silken Dawn on 2013-03-21 02:00:00 UTC Reply

Hi there! Welcome to the Board! You'll find it a fun, friendly, and f... welcoming place!
Please have this one (1) Fluffy Wambler. Originally native to the Dwarf Fortress continuum, it's sweet and adorable anywhere.
See you around the Board!
Re: Hello! Is newbie here. by Blu on 2013-03-20 20:49:00 UTC Reply

Hello! Take this flask of Bleepka.
*takes swig*
Welome! by son_of_heaven176 on 2013-03-20 04:03:00 UTC Reply

Welcome to the PPC! Hmmm, Mario, Zelda, Star Wars and Star Trek. Interesting combination of fandoms. I also share that combination (sans Zelda, and my favorite Star Trek is VOY), as well as quite a few other sci-fi and RPG fandoms.

As for the obligatory gift...
*rummages through Pokemon-Trainer-issue bag of holding*
*mumbling* phaser? No, already has one...
*rummages*
*mumbling* Beheeyem plushie? No, not a Pokemon fan...
*rummages*
Aha!
...have this urple lightsaber! Just don't stare at it too much!

Enjoy the insanity!

Re: Welome! by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-20 05:56:00 UTC Reply

Yay! Something to dual-wield with my gren one! :3

(You forgot Metroid in that list btw... -_- )

Here, have an army of miniature ED-209's as a way of saying, "thank you".

*looks back at list* by son_of_heaven176 on 2013-03-20 15:57:00 UTC Reply

Oops. How did I miss that?

And thanks for the mini ED-209s. RoboCop fandom, right?

Re: *looks back at list* by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-20 17:12:00 UTC Reply

I dunno...and yes.

Welcome! by Lynne Lloyd on 2013-03-19 21:44:00 UTC Reply

Hey there! Have a random eclair! Hooray for new friends!

Re: Welcome! by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-19 21:47:00 UTC Reply

Have a random philly cheesesteak in return! Hooray for food and new friends! :3

Hey! Listen! by Myrddin on 2013-03-18 23:22:00 UTC Reply

Welcome! I see we have several fandoms in common Mario, Zelda (it's a long story involving sad possessions in storage a lot, but I've yet to be able to play the latest of this series, so please no spoilers for it, if it's not too much to ask!), Star Wars, Star Trek, and even some historical fiction!

As a welcome, I have for you, a message from Saria, a bottled fairy, which may or may not be a certain someone *whistles innocently* and a baby oliphaunt!

Re: Hey! Listen! by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-19 00:04:00 UTC Reply

Trust me, you don't want to play Skyward Sword. The controls simply suck. Twilight Princess isn't much better control wise, but it's at least playable and good. Otherwise, just play some of the Metroid games, particularly Prime.

*places the bottled fairy next to the talking Sergeant Hartman plushie*

*feeds the cute little oliphaunt*

*opens the message from Saria* I wonder what it says. :3

Re: Hey! Listen! by Myrddin on 2013-03-19 01:24:00 UTC Reply

I didn't find Twilight Princess' controls that bad. *shrugs* Guess I'll have to see how Skyward Sword goes if I can ever rescue it from storage!

*points to the "rescue from storage" above* Same goes for the Metroid games, I'll have to give them a try if/when I can get to my equipment!

In my opinion... by SeaTurtle on 2013-03-19 05:36:00 UTC Reply

...Skyward Sword is the finest Zelda title up to date, surpassing even Ocarina in my list. The story, the level design, and the love and care that has been poured into the game make it stand tall amongst its sister titles.

Definitely try the Prime trilogy and Super Metroid (via the Virtual Console) if you can get your hands on them. Also, the Prime theme is just too awesome to pass up on.

Re: In my opinion... by Myrddin on 2013-03-21 16:21:00 UTC Reply

Well that's great to hear! *looks even more sadly at stuffs in storage* I'll cross my fingers that the controls are more of an issue of getting used to than truly atrocious. Hopefully I'll be able to get to it soon. ^^

Ooo, that's a great theme! I will definitely have to check the series out. I'm not sure why I haven't yet, I know it's got a huge fan following, so they have to be doing something right with it, but it's never popped up on "must play" radar for some reason...

Hm, how to describe Metroid... by SeaTurtle on 2013-03-22 04:07:00 UTC Reply

Well, I would say it's like you take Super Mario Bros.' platforming and cross it over with The Legend of Zelda's exploration and added a ton of goodies to find all over the map. The games tend to be really good speedrun material, Super Metroid has a pretty awesome soundtrack too.

Re: Hm, how to describe Metroid... by Myrddin on 2013-03-22 18:09:00 UTC Reply

Aaaahhhhhhhhh!!! How has not one of my friends ever recommended this before now?! This sounds like a spectacular series! I will defiantly look it up once my equipment is free again. Love the music too. :D

Re: In my opinion... by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-19 21:49:00 UTC Reply

Watch the Angry Joe review of Steel Battalion: Heavy Armor and you have my list of complaints against Skyward Sword. I loved the care and attention to detail, even though it slightly rehashes all the stuff we've seen before. But the controls are absolutely ...ed up to being nigh-on unplayable.

Hello! by World-Jumper on 2013-03-18 23:17:00 UTC Reply

Sorry I was late, real life has decided to bit me in the bum and I have not been as diligent as I should have been. Anyway, welcome! In this board, you may find many weird things, as you have already seen. We are insane, but the good insane, so it's cool. As I gift, I give thee...the dark crystal thing from Twilight Princess that turns Link into a wolf. All you need is a holy weapon to cleanse the darkness, and you are all set!

Actually, because I am curious, what Wiki Walk led you to the PPC? I know you find just about everything on that site at some point, I just find it curious what other people's paths were.

Re: Hello! by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-18 23:59:00 UTC Reply

Oddly enough, I pathed here through a Fanfic Recs page. The Portal 2 one if I'm not mistaken.

*places the crystal in the Infinite Armory* I'll need to find that holy weapon right quick.

Welcome, welcome! by hermione of vulcan on 2013-03-18 17:03:00 UTC Reply

From your fandoms list, I see we share the fandom of Star Trek. As that is my primary fandom, I feel obligated to ask certain questions.

1. Which series are you familiar with?

2. Which are your favorites?

My answers are that I have seen a fair chunk of TOS (it's hard to judge, since I watched it sporadically and out of order), all of TNG, all of Voyager, and I just started DS9. Of these, TNG is my favorite, followed closely by Voyager.

Since you seem to be collecting weapons, have a generic Star Trek phaser - it changes shape depending on the series you're in and whether you want a regular phaser or a badass phaser rifle.

Re: Welcome, welcome! by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-18 17:18:00 UTC Reply

1.) TNG mostly, I've watched DS9 all the way through and I'm working on TOS. I've never managed to catch Voyager in syndication, EVER.

2.) TNG and DS9 definitely. I loved them both. Yes, they had two completely different premises, but both were well played and I fell in love with both crews quite easily. DS9 felt more story-driven and we didn't get so much of the "seek out new life and new civilizations" TNG had, but it worked regardless. TNG, on the other hand, seemed like the perfect reboot of the adventurous romping around the original series had.

*takes deep breath*

Thanks for the phaser. :) It's getting mighty hard to find these things without having to portal into the goodfic and steal a few.

In return, here, have a generic Star Trek tricorder - it changes shape and detection capabilities depending on what series you happen to be in at the moment.

Re: Hello! Is newbie here. by Pauline07 on 2013-03-18 15:54:00 UTC Reply

Hello! Welcome to the board!
From second newest newbie to newest newbie, it is my duty to present you with the torch. Carry it well, my friend, and don't forget to pass it on to the next new guy or girl.
From that point...
Do you have a fandom list? I want your welcome gift to be something that you'll like...instead of throwing it a closet with all the ugly shirts and well meaning presents really bad gifters give every year.

Re: Hello! Is newbie here. by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-18 17:10:00 UTC Reply

Fandoms: Metroid, Mario, Zelda, Star Wars, Star Trek, and historical fiction. I'm also a car guy, if that counts as a "fandom"...

*takes the torch* I quite like shirts, I have a collection of them.

Re: Hello! Is newbie here. by Pauline07 on 2013-03-18 17:30:00 UTC Reply

Alright....I can work with that...
Here's your one-of-a-kind blank Mario Kart! Ready to turn into your favorite kart in the game as soon as you hold it. It will also grow, if you ask it to.
Oh, and here are the keys....just drive responsibly...
I'm sure you do, I just meant the really gaudy ones...oh shut up, Pauline! Sorry, somewhat socially awkward!

Re: Hello! Is newbie here. by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-18 18:19:00 UTC Reply

*huggle*

Social awkwardness is considered normal where I come from. :D

Another troper by Antigone68104 on 2013-03-18 14:01:00 UTC Reply

Hi, have some fudge!

Nom nom nom by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-18 17:06:00 UTC Reply

:3 Have some lasagna in return! :D

Huh, I found the PPC with TV Tropes too. by SpecstacularSC on 2013-03-18 08:16:00 UTC Reply

But anyhow, a gift from teh Specs:

A pair of Quick Boots!

Winged boots; speed increase by 25%. Sprinting enabled; can increase jump distance when at full running power. Useful for fleeing from some of the more, "I'd-rather-not-fight-this-guy" Sues.

Re: Huh, I found the PPC with TV Tropes too. by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-18 16:55:00 UTC Reply

Do they also increase how fast my feet move? I'm less of a runner and more of a car guy myself, and I've been looking for a reliable way of moving between the pedals in a heartbeat for ages now. Or do I need Parkour Boots for that?

That depends on your Stamina. by SpecstacularSC on 2013-03-18 18:28:00 UTC Reply

5% increase per level, see.

Hey Newbie~! by Karen on 2013-03-18 04:44:00 UTC Reply

Great to have you! Here, take a cookie! Take several! Just scratch off the burnt glittery bits.

Re: Hey Newbie~! by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-18 04:48:00 UTC Reply

*adds cookies to the Infinite Armory, throws you the access codes*

You may have one of the following in return:
-Universal Vehicle Key Fob
-Snot-Shot 2000 w/ Extended Magazines

Hello, Joseph! by KittyNoodles on 2013-03-18 04:26:00 UTC Reply

Welcome to the Board! I'm KittyNoodles, and as a welcome gift I have placed one box of bleepnerds and an Odd Container in your inventory! Enjoy!

Odd Container
Item Level 1
Chance on Opening: Receive one spray of confetti or one huggle - your choice.
[This container is perfectly spherical and appears to have been crafted from glite-painted wood. Its weight changes at odd intervals, and you can't shake the feeling that opening it may proof hazardous to your health if you are unwary.]

...Ignore that last part, the flavor text hates me...

Re: Hello, Joseph! by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-18 04:48:00 UTC Reply

And my gratitude has placed a set of keys to the Infinite Armory and a Snot-Shot 2000 in your inventory.

Snot-Shot 2000
Weapon Level 10
This goo gun can be used to set up bridges, glue shit together, and setup traps. Also useful in puzzle solving thanks to its elastic properties.
On Primary Fire: Fire a blob of sticky green goo attached to the muzzle of the gun via a slimy strand.
On Secondary Fire: Fire a slightly larger blob of sticky green goo without following strand.

This weapon has the following attachments:
-Extended Magazines

This weapon has the following stats:
-DMG (|---------)
-RoF (--|-------)
-ACC (-----|----)
-MAGAZINE SIZE: 10 shots (Extended Magazines: +5 shots)

Awesome. XD (nm) by KittyNoodles on 2013-03-18 06:59:00 UTC Reply

Good to have you a-Board! by doctorlit on 2013-03-18 03:58:00 UTC Reply

Greetings, new friend! Have a wacky, waving, inflatable arm-flailing tube person! (They're not all men, after all!)

Re: Good to have you a-Board! by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-18 04:02:00 UTC Reply

Thanks! This and the Festivity Gauntlet I was given earlier will help tremendously in my Harlem Shake video!

*tosses you a Betamax copy of said video*

Hello there! by SeaTurtle on 2013-03-18 03:02:00 UTC Reply

Welcome to the Board! Have some of my world-famous hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Drink it once, get superpowers... probably.

Aha! Another Metroid/Zelda fan! Let me add a scale model of Samus' gunship and a smashable clay pot to your pile of gifts.

Feel free to talk about your prospective agents, but keep in mind you need official Permission before writing any PPC stuff. Be sure to read the entire wiki article!

Re: Hello there! by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-18 03:19:00 UTC Reply

I was starting to think I was the last Metroid and Zelda fan out there with the lack of readership on my goodfic.

Hey, thanks for the hydrophobic water. It, the scale model and the smashable clay pot are the next entries in the Infinite Armory.

Hello! by darklordaakmal on 2013-03-18 02:57:00 UTC Reply

Allow me to offer you a virtual cymbal, accompanied with a cymbalist, to shock you out of your trance when reading TVTropes. As for your introduction, you may open up as much as you want according to your taste. In other words, you're good.

Re: Hello! by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-18 03:31:00 UTC Reply

And let me accept your offer of a cymbalist, while at the same time offering you a Universal Key Fob! It will allow you to commandeer any vehicle you come across, from a Ford Mondeo, to a Corvette ZR1, to an F-35 jet, to the Starship Enterprise. Should you commandeer another vehicle, or reset the Fob, the vehicle will magically return to the spot you took it from, and any odometers will be rolled back to their previous settings.

A useful gift. by darklordaakmal on 2013-03-18 13:36:00 UTC Reply

Useful, because I can use it as a bargaining chip. Thanks a million.

"Hey bro, buy me some garlic. Here's the Fob, you can play with it after you drop the garlic here."

But considering the fact that horses, elephants, buffaloes, and camels are also vehicles...

"Mwahahaha!!! Puny mortals, bow before Hannibal incarnate!", as I rampage with my 24-elephant power chariot through Kota Kinabalu.

Re: A useful gift. by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-18 16:58:00 UTC Reply

That 24-elephant power chariot sounds awesome.

Greetings, newbie! by Khaosity on 2013-03-18 02:35:00 UTC Reply

Glad to have you here! As a welcome gift, you get some Bleep'n'ms (Bleeprin and m'n'ms, helps when reading badfic) and an Unspecified Plushie, which turns into your favorite character! Have you read the Constitution yet? Also, it would be nice if you could tell us what your fandoms are :-)

Re: Greetings, newbie! by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-18 02:38:00 UTC Reply

The plushie just turned into Sgt. Hartman from Full Metal Jacket, is that a good or a bad thing? It just threatened to unscrew my head and shit down my neck if I didn't un... myself.

Yes, I have read it. Bookmarked too so I can refer back to it if needed.

Thanks for the Bleeprin. I'll go put that in the Infinite Armory now. :)

Fandoms: Metroid, Mario, Zelda, Star Wars, Star Trek, and historical fiction.

Should I also describe my agents here?

No, not yet. by Outhra on 2013-03-18 03:01:00 UTC Reply

Don't bring up your agents yet. You'll need to have a presence on the Board first, and then ask for Permission. Your agent profiles should be part of the Permission request. It gives you more time to work on them that way, and besides, it helps if what you want presented is all in one place. Check the Permission page on the Wikia site for further questions; the admins have made a very comprehensive FAQ.

Before I forget, welcome! If only you'd come an hour and a half earlier; then we'd have had two shiny newbies within a twenty-four hour period. It wouldn't have been a rare and spectacular occurrence for the ages, but I think it would've been interesting.

However, that shouldn't stop you from celebrating, so I am happy to present the Festivity Gauntlet! Bright lights, dance-worthy music and/or confetti can all emerge from this device with simple command gestures! Great for getting a party started or for surprising and flash-blinding pursuing enemies! And of course, one could always turn into the other. A truly lively evening can be unpredictable.

Re: No, not yet. by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-18 03:24:00 UTC Reply

Hey, thanks for the gauntlet. To the Infinite Armory with it!

Speaking of which, as thanks for all the great gifts, do you or any of your agents need ammo for your weapons? I've got infinite ammo of every kind, shape and form. Just reach inside the Infinite Armory and take what you need.

Wow. A space-warped pocket dimension, full of sweet loot. by Outhra on 2013-03-18 03:46:00 UTC Reply

You might want to keep it on the down-low that you've got this much free ammunition, or the centaur that runs the PPC General Access Armory is going to be showing up at your door pretty angry, and I'm willing to bet that he'll have at least two Agents of the biggest species he can find with him, bribed with discounts on his top-shelf items.

With that said, there aren't many places where I can get this many power cells for my assorted sci-fi weapons, so I'll just take a few cases of those and abscond before I hear the hooves of a competitive market clip-clopping behind me.

Re: Wow. A space-warped pocket dimension, full of sweet loot. by Joseph Stuewe on 2013-03-18 03:50:00 UTC Reply

There's no discount better than free everything every time. :D *loads my trusty Snot-Shot 2000 and waits*