First, if there are Boarders clicking on this post for some reason, I'm going to be mentioning a lot of plot developments and such from the The Wrong Trousers story, so if you, unknown Boarders, plan to read that story, read it before reading this, because of spoilers. Okay? Good. On to questions, then.
Wait, so the Board of Flowers, despite knowing from a visit in their past that a group known as the Department of Efficiency was going to bring them down, decided to set up a group specifically to seek and correct inefficiencies and just didn't call it the same thing? And this happened after the loss of two of their Firstborn and the resurgence of a DIS-like group, but nobody takes the hint that something off was going on?
The PPC's more seasoned workers and Flowers are extremely genre savvy, as a rule. Giving a group that serves solely to increase efficiency control over HQ's system seems exactly like what formed the original problem in the first place, which seems like far much tempting of both fate and the Ironic Overpower to be a typical Flower response. Did the Sunflower Official's death just cause everyone to backpedal into fatalistic attachment to a timeline long separated?
And who is James Mansfield? The story implied that he was some sort of multi-universal resource manager, which is confusing in itself, but did he just show up in HQ one day, give them his card, and say "Hiya, I'm here to go through your entire system and change the way you've been recruiting people for decades."? Because recruiting from the Word Worlds has been how it is for a reason, namely, that the PPC doesn't want to advertise its presence in the multiverse.
The whole "Protectors" bit in their name means they ensure that everything goes as written in the timelines of the various continua they encounter. They recruit bits from stories that have been destroyed, because the story that the bits came from will fade away anyway and have no effect on the canon of the world they're protecting. They kill Sues because the Sues destabilize events as written. It goes against their moral ground to enter into Word Worlds and grab random people from continua to join them, because those people were supposed to be in the continua playing out their roles in the canon. The PPC is terminally understaffed, yes, but that's just an out-of-universe hand wave for why they recruit so many sociopaths and maniacs and the like, and not something that would be dealt with in an official capacity, since doing so in a manner like the one here would involve breaking the intended secrecy the organization operates under.
What does the Department of Time, Order and Motion actually do? They were mentioned as being in charge of "invigorating" the DMS, creating stable time loops around HQ for some reason, and sending robots from an alternate dimension to roam the halls, but those three functions don't really fit together to say what the Department's function is.
They were obviously intended as a Department of Efficiency analogue, to the point that they are referred to as the Department of Efficiency multiple times, and don't get me wrong, I really like the idea of the Tick-Tock Men(though this may be in part because I've got a clockwork agent-to-be myself), but the DTOM's functions seem kind of sporadic and unconnected. In particular, what are the time loops for? I can maybe understand going forward and backward in time to plan out how best to optimize the next few days, but why set up time loops in HQ? Are they using the looming threat of damage to the pre-set time loops to control people? I'm just spitballing here, since there wasn't evidence of anything.
Why does the DTOM discourage keeping minis, and what do they do with the ones created by new badfics? Having minis around would keep the creatures out of both the continua, where they could potentially do damage, and HQ's main facilities, where there would be plenty of them and they would form a tax on the resources, which would go against their designs on an optimized PPC. Besides, the Agents keeping minis would be similar to keeping pets, and it would likely help in terms of morale, since the DTOM's actions would likely result in the rise of uncertainty in the workers.
And as I asked before, what are they doing with the minis? You said all minis were brought to "a drab, soulless place", but what would the DTOM gain from doing that? There's no logical benefit in keeping the minis, who if I may remind you are fully sentient and sapient beings in their own right, in what amounts to a massive prison chamber, especially when you consider how likely they are to cause trouble when cooped up with other minis in a confined space. How do they keep the minis from busting out, running around doing damage, or teaming up to scheme on the downfall of their captors? Do they keep them all in stasis or something?
I don't have much to say about the bit in Skeet and Amelia's RC, other than that I liked the way it played out, especially with Skeet sounding like the reasonable one even though the people who side with a resistance are normally the designated good guys. Shame that story possibility sort of fell through in the next scene.
Why does the Ghost just decide to show up on their console after they kill the DTOM agents? It was made clear no one in the RC knew it, or posibly even of it, and it didn't really do anything other than show up, say that it would tell the resistance that the DTOM attacked some DMS agents, which shouldn't be news to the resistance at any rate, and then vanish from the story. Was it just floating around the network when Skeet killed three people through a door, and then just decided "oh look it is a prime opportunity to meddle i would be disappointing myself if i would not get involved in such a jewel of meddling history"?
The scene in the Cafeteria was great, I must say, one of the gems of the story. "12:35 – shoot a Tick-Tock Man in the face". Classic. I can just imagine a flat, strident +++What+++ getting ready to emerge from its vocalizers before Skeet shoots it.
And what do you mean by the story being AU for everyone except your agents? What would this mean for anyone who co-writes with you, which would by default place their agents within the same world as yours? Or is this related to some spoilerrific future development that will result in the AU Skeet and Amelia merging with the main Skeet and Amelia or something of the sort?
Oh, also, I found comma splices. “Hey, the DAC proposal got blocked by the Board, you don’t have anything to worry about.” That second comma should be a period and the end of a sentence. “Regulators, open up!” The sentence as it is now is telling the Regulators to open their door, rather than the DMS agents. To get the message you more likely wanted, that comma should be a period or an exclamation point.
