I have been wanting to introduce my agents, but didn't want to post a new thread. So with out farther ado

Seyche-a former Hetalia bit character,(From a fictional badfic) who managed to be pardoned from execution. She was instead brought to the PPC academy to be rehabilitated. She managed to get treated, and is now working for The Department of Research of Mary Sues. She has short hair-which she dyes blond-and hazel eyes, which are usually covered with sunglasses. She cannot remember her time as a bit character, but feels remorse for it anyway. She has a short temper and is quick with her fists, but is not very strong in a physical sense, so she can't really hurt anybody. She has a paralyzing fear of ducks

Murder-a survivor of a zombie apocalypses (which one is unknown) and is more then a little stir crazy. He got kicked out of The Department of Mary Sues for an unknown incident involving Rainbow Dash and a frying pan. He cannot speak, but communicates in odd gestures that only Seyche can understand. He is trigger happy and will attack anything that doesn't look human with whatever he has on hand. He has pink hair, tanned skin, and bright blue eyes. He always wears a pair of broken glasses.

If any part of these characters sounds to Sueish let me know. I have gotten a lot of school work done, so I should start working on a sample as soon as I figure out where to send it

I have been wanting to introduce my agents, but didn't want to post a new thread. So with out farther ado

Seyche-a former Hetalia bit character,(From a fictional badfic) who managed to be pardoned from execution. She was instead brought to the PPC academy to be rehabilitated. She managed to get treated, and is now working for The Department of Research of Mary Sues. She has short hair-which she dyes blond-and hazel eyes, which are usually covered with sunglasses. She cannot remember her time as a bit character, but feels remorse for it anyway. She has a short temper and is quick with her fists, but is not very strong in a physical sense, so she can't really hurt anybody. She has a paralyzing fear of ducks

Murder-a survivor of a zombie apocalypses (which one is unknown) and is more then a little stir crazy. He got kicked out of The Department of Mary Sues for an unknown incident involving Rainbow Dash and a frying pan. He cannot speak, but communicates in odd gestures that only Seyche can understand. He is trigger happy and will attack anything that doesn't look human with whatever he has on hand. He has pink hair, tanned skin, and bright blue eyes. He always wears a pair of broken glasses.

If any part of these characters sounds to Sueish let me know. I have gotten a lot of school work done, so I should start working on a sample as soon as I figure out where to send it

As Sjosten pointed out, we are in the process of implementing a new Permission system. I'd like it if you would create a couple new writing samples using the prompts as described here (scroll down past all the orange stuff). The more we see the new system in action, the better. Plus, your character descriptions are on the sketchy side, so it would really help to see the agents in action.

I did read the story you posted, though, so I wanted to give my thoughts on that. The first thing I noticed, of course, is your paragraphing. You MUST use either first-line indents or double-spacing to aid your readers in seeing where one paragraph ends and the next begins. Otherwise, each section looks like one huge block of jagged text, and it's possible for two paragraphs to look like one if the ending line gets close enough to the edge of the screen. Hitting "Enter" twice instead of once for a new paragraph is very easy, so I recommend that.

There were a couple other mechanical things ("the" shouldn't be capitalized in your title, for one), but they were minor and few, and didn't distract me from reading, so that's good.

As for the content, if I'm being honest, I was disappointed. Your setup got me interested in how the three kids were going to get together, and what the mysterious villain organization was all about, and what the heroes were going to do about it, but the endgame came about too quickly and resolved far too easily, with lots of convenient circumstances and dubious escapes for the heroes. Notably, I don't think it's really that easy to jump through a glass window or dislocate your own wrist. Actually, I'm not sure how dislocating your wrist would even help escape from bonds like that. Thumbs, maybe, but wrist? How does that work? And how can he do anything useful with his hands, let alone fire a gun even remotely well, shortly after painfully destabilizing his joints like that? That's not something you can recover from instantly.

The biggest problem, though, is that the villains are terrible at being villains. The Mistress is so cartoonishly out of her mind that I can't believe anyone would follow her; her motivation is unclear ("revenge," but for what, and how does torturing kids satisfy her desire for it?); the Generic Goons kidnapping the heroes do so in the most loud and obvious way I can think of; they put the heroes in a truck full of convenient weapons and don't even bother to take James' penknife off him first; the security is so terrible that they can walk through the compound's prison without being spotted by one of the guards on duty or any cameras; a fourteen-year-old kid raised on a farm by his grandparents can hack their computer systems; and they're called Brimstone and Treacle, the latter being a sweet, thick syrup residents of North America know as molasses. And yet these nimrods somehow managed to kidnap hundreds of kids without being caught by the police? It's all very, very silly.

I did like the kids themselves, though. You got across a pretty good idea of who they are as people, and like I said, in the beginning I was curious to find out what would happen to them. I could wish they were a little more original than the "straight-A student," the "slacker who plays video games," and the "unlikely computer genius," but their backgrounds and interactions with their family members helped with that, and I think given more time in the story and some properly serious obstacles to overcome, they could grow very nicely.

~Neshomeh

your agents are pretty cool

unlike mine,I'm cursed to create mary sues every time i write a character.

But I know that really young agents are frowned upon. I certainly won't subject a fourteen-years-old (an eighth-grader) to badfic and I doubt even the Marquis de Sod would do so.

Personally, I think the Agents look cool, possibly just a tad more violent than the PGs will look for, but otherwise good. As for the writing sample, I thought they had changed how those work now. Of course, I could be mistaken, but I believe in the thread http://disc.yourwebapps.com/discussion.cgi?disc=199610;article=254639;title=PPC%20Posting%20Board;pagemark=75 (my apologies, I have no idea how to link correctly), they revamped everything.