Subject: This one is new.
Author:
Posted on: 2013-03-14 20:14:00 UTC
And there are already several mini-Boarders patterned after Huinesoron...
Seriously, Huinesoron, were you planning for a mini army when you chose your username?
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/34374/the-antithesis-of-harmony
Kirby/My Little Pony
This author desperately needs help. I actually know him in real life, and his will to continue as a writer seems to be fading. He's not awful, but he really needs someone who can give him a real critique of his story, and as I know next to nothing about the fandoms, my ability to help him is extremely limited. I've been doing my best, but I'm the only person who's really been trying to help him aside from the occasional comment and generic praise.
He's got some natural talent, but I don't think he really believes me when I tell him. He gets really down on himself a lot for not being able to write extensively in a single sitting, and frequently compares himself to far more experienced, and often much older, writers.
He responds well to constructive criticism, however, and you guys seem to be the best people to help: Good at what you do, and nice about it, without being unwilling to criticise.
I would really appreciate you guys starting a mission as soon as any of you could. He only recently really began writing, and is only now reading more often, too, and I really don't want to see him stop now.
Thanks a bunch, hopefully,
Fenrir666.
(Kidding.)
I do have a question, though. Is this missionable? It's a crossover between Forgotten Realms and Lord of the Rings.
On one hand, its SPaG is pretty much OK, and so far (I've read the first two chapters) the heroine does not look like a Sue. On the other hand, it copies LotR almost word for word (Rose Potter springs to mind), the main heroine is rather OOC, and the fact that she was inserted into the story does not change it at all save in some minor ways, a la In Spite of a Nail.
"Because if we can kill or injure enough of them," Cierre explained, "those that remain will run away. It doesn't work with orcs, most are too stupid to picture themselves as the ones lying pouring out their life's blood on the grass, but it works with humans. And then we'll have reduced the enemy forces by a large number with only the effort it takes to kill half that many." Her teeth flashed white as she broke into a broad grin. "If we're lucky the orcs will try to stop them and then our enemies will be fighting amongst themselves for a time."
Aragorn raised his eyebrows. "You think we should concentrate our efforts on the Dunlendings?"
"Until they break," Cierre said, "and they will."
"You seem very certain," Aragorn said, "and yet you had not even heard of them until this moment."
"If they were determined enough to keep on coming, regardless of casualties," Cierre said, "they would have taken back this country generations ago, or else been exterminated in the attempt. No, if we hurt them enough they will flee the field."
Make of that what you will, but I do applaud the use of combat logic employed here. And a paragraph earlier, a sound explanation of armor worn by the Dunlendings by Gimli made me think that this author at lest had the basics down. Minor issue later on where neither Gimli nor Legolas knew what a crossbow was, as they fought orcs that used them in battle. And the whole "Bag of Holding" thing... really?
I say, keep an eye on it for now. If any future chapters get iffy, then we might need to consider it. But I think we can call this clean for now.
There's options other than killing a fic. Maybe some of them would make sense.
PPC doesn't kill fics unless they're irredeemable, and even then they might rescue bit characters. This is because every fic has the potential to strengthen a continuum and every Author has the potential to become a goodfic author.
Option one: Send the author to an OFU. Is there one for MLP? If so, you could invite the author to submit a fanbrat. In the Real World, you simply teach him what you know about writing, and he gets better at it; problem solved.
Option two: Send in Intel. If there's not too much of a problem, they watch and wait until they know for sure. Allows for an in-character review without killing the fic.
Option three: Fixing glitches. When a fic isn't bad enough to be killed, but there is an error in it that could cause problems, a team of agents may be sent in to fix it. This works for fics which, other than a small number of mistakes, are good stories that will strengthen the continuum.
Option four: A non-lethal mission due to a clerical error that sent a moderately good fic to the Action Departments. Agents could go in expecting to kill a Sue, but realize the Sue has potential or the grammar is fixable. Maybe the more homicidal partner gets annoyed s/he doesn't get to kill anything, or maybe they both get annoyed with the Flowers or with their Console. In either case, they might get to explore the fic without touching it, or perhaps fix small mistakes as with the "Glitches" option.
I know, I'm a newbie and probably not as qualified as most to say this, but the fic doesn't seem as bad as the ones we typically do missions on. There are a few punctuation and organization problems, but not much that's really notably charge-worthy aside from Kirby suddenly learning to speak understandably(and I've never played Return to Dream Land; he might be able to talk there regardless).
Like Phobos said, a badfic that Agents are sent into would contain bad characterization, a strange or ridiculous plot that it thinks makes perfect sense, often terrible spelling, etcetera, and is deemed "bad" by a group of people that serve as impartial analyzers.
Antithesis of Harmony is more "first draft" than "badfic". Almost everyone is acceptably in character, and the ones that aren't either are only slightly deviated from their regular persona or their OOC moment has precedent in one of the two canons. The spelling is fine, aside from a few typos, and the grammar is only distorted due to the aforementioned organization problems.
I'm not sure what he "desperately needs help" with. If it's problems with working up the motivation to write, I don't know what a sporking could do for him, aside from making him reluctant to write again, and that's not what we'd want at all.
It seems to me that what you want is not a mission. If the writing is not that bad, and your friend really just needs a self-esteem boost, then a mission is far from an ideal way to achieve your goals.
A mission takes a piece of bad writing and puts it through the wringer. It makes jokes at the expense of the bad spelling, punctuation, and grammar. It satirizes the bad characterizations. It usually involves totally dismantling the story to return the canon to normal. It focuses, almost exclusively, on what was done wrong. And that really is not what you need here.
I just want to make sure you know what you are asking. These terms have very specific meanings around here.
-Phobos
Not so much a self-esteem boost as an actual criticism of what he did right and wrong. The lack of motivation he has stems from knowing he's doing something wrong, but not what (his words, not mine). I don't know enough about the source material to really help him. If, however, you guys only critique particularly bad fanfiction, then I apologize for misunderstanding. I thought it was a blanket 'everything that isn't quite *good*'. I figured someone here might be able to tell him what's good and what's not, and where good could be better and where bad could be removed or improved. I've tried, but I don't like My Little Pony and I actively dislike Kirby (no offense to Kirby fans, I just prefer darker games), and all I could really say was 'spelling seems okay'. He keeps telling me that the fic isn't good, but he doesn't know how to make it so. It's the lack of knowing *how* to improve that seems to be bugging him, rather than needing a hug. He's been trying to rewrite the damn thing since August, only recently posting a half-chapter in January, then promptly going back into the funk.
If it honestly isn't bad, however, I might achieve the same effect by telling him you guys said that there wasn't anything wrong with it, and he just needs to stop being a perfectionist.
Everyone is capable of concrit! Constructive criticism is a thing that anyone in the PPC should be able to do - but a mission is, as Phobos pointed out, rather more harsh. Missions also tend to happen if and when someone wants to write them, since they are a commitment of time and effort, and... yes, they do tend to be written about really bad fanfic, rather than "Alright but needs work" fanfic.
Constructive criticism is something that all writers need, even if whatever they're writing isn't that bad - so if you're asking for that, it's probably doable. I don't know the canons, but I can certainly critique writing, and most PPCers are fair hands at that.
Yeah, I just didn't realize what Phobos was trying to tell me. Anyone who could give a decent review would be much appreciated, then.
You're jumping to conclusions here.
1. Phobos' problem with your request was that you don't seem to understand the term Mission. What your friend needs is actual criticism. As you pointed out. Not a mission. If someone satirized a work you weren't sure about in the first place, would that actually make you rewrite it?
2. I'm not a fan of either franchise, so I can't tell if it's good or bad. Also, a few things have already been pointed out by Outhra. What your friend needs is a review that's more than "ZOMG TEH AWESOME!"
Oh, that explains it. Sorry, my bad.
... someone who actually knows both canons (I know neither ;)) could send an Intelligence agent into the story; that would produce a report that summarises what is bad about it, but could also cover what is good.
Alternately, and probably easier (and more helpful!), said knowledgable person could leave a review...
hS
I don't have any intelligence agents, but I can do reviews. I'll just make a note to myself not to take this fic to my MST blog.
I'll see if I can take a look at the fic over the course of this week. It's halfway through my spring break and I have other things to do, but I'll give it a look-through and see what I can say about it.
(On a side note? My expectations are actually pretty good for this one: Kirby and MLP are two continua that can very easily meld into one another, so... Yeah. Bright and happy continua tend to do that.)
You could have your current agents sent an overflow Intel mission, or help out friends in the Intel department. Lots of potential for hilarity when agents who don't know the work set out into a fic! Maybe the Intel agents are indisposed for some reason (more potential for funny) and your agents have to step in.
*LE SHAMELESS SELF PLUG*
I think this might be a relevant excerpt from one of my spinoffs:
"Members of the Department of Floaters now worked alongside the spies due to the DoI’s extremely low recruitment rates. Only twenty-three new spies had joined Intel in the past year (among them a little unicorn pony, of all things), so it had been necessary to pull some Floaters off of their regular duties to work part-time in the Sorting Room. Since Floaters was one of the largest and fastest growing departments in the PPC, it was reasoned that it could afford to allocate some of its agents to surveillance duties."
It wouldn't be too far of a stretch for some Floaters to be assigned a temporary positon in the Cubicle Maze and be sent out to do Intel runs...
...what? No, of course I'm not trying to recruit more Intel agents!
1) One of my RCs is getting a new agent in their next interlude, and my other RC is getting transferred to a new department as well, and it's not Intelligence.
2) From what I've read so far, this fic actually isn't that bad. Really, there isn't enough material here to build a mission with regardless of how much funny can be had in the set-up. Plus, both of my RCs have characters that know one of the canons involved (Eusabius in my DIC RC knows all the major Nintendo continua including Kirby (as you'll see in my next mission), not to mention that both Florestan from my DIC RC and Xanthus in my Floaters RC know MLP), so I wouldn't have the real opportunity to make them confused about the canons.
That's great, I really appreciate it,thanks!
That would be great!
And there are already several mini-Boarders patterned after Huinesoron...
Seriously, Huinesoron, were you planning for a mini army when you chose your username?
Back in the days when everyone spelled perfectly, y'know. But then Hunesoron and Hinesoron came along within a few days of each other, and things were never the same again...
hS (and people manage to misspell that, too...)