Subject: *Standing Ovation* (nm)
Author:
Posted on: 2014-02-28 20:21:00 UTC
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A PPC poem. by
on 2014-02-28 10:59:00 UTC
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If you read Tolkien, you may remember the poem Errantry, or its sibling Bilbo's Song of Earendil. The meter for both these poems is the same, and invented by Tolkien - a complex thing involving trisyllabic assonances. As Tolkien said, he only wrote one poem in it - it's just too hard.
That sounds like a challenge to me.
This is not perfect. I can get the sections to partially rhyme (assonate?), but not nearly as well as Tolkien (obviously). Still, I think it's quite nice as poems go - see what you think. (And, while you're at it - see if you can do any better!)
Darknesses
A darkness lies on all the worlds
That wrought with words should burn so fair,
Enlighten minds and uplift hearts
And worlds apart should take us there
Where fire and water spread their wings
And angels sing and mountains rise
And all humanity's desires
Are crystal spires before our eyes.
But darkness lies on all those worlds,
Wrought from words that freeze like ice
That forsake plot and character;
And every narrative device
That ought to spin a tale so fair
Is twisted there to serve the true
And honest and most wicked cause
Of fiction's flaws - the Mary-Sue!
And darkness lies on all these worlds
For pretty girls and boys so strong
Can bear no glory not their own
And, save their own praise, sing no song.
Thus, one-dimensionally formed
They barely form a plot at all
But wrench the story from its roots
And 'neath their boots they crush it all.
But darkness comes unto the worlds
Where plotholes whirl and Sues attack:
When canons see a radiant door
Their saviours draw near - dressed in black.
And, bearing emblem cactus-green,
They move unseen beneath the trees
And hunt the Sues and still their words
To shield the worlds - the PPC!
Yes, darkness lies on all the worlds
But though Sues hurl the canon down
A darkness new will break the night
And set to rights the canon's crown.
Protectors of the written plot
Who ne'er forgot the canon's song
The PPC will save the worlds
From pretty girls, and boys so strong.
And when at last their job is done
They turn as one and walk away
Until the console gives the word
To save the worlds another day.
hS -
Very nice! (nm) by
on 2014-03-04 12:32:00 UTC
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Ermegherds purrehrtry. by
on 2014-03-01 05:42:00 UTC
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I like this a lot. And since I just had a marathon of Shakepearean plays, I think my the poetry side of my head is tired and definitely not in the mood.
(It's never in the mood, though.)
But this was fantastic, thank you! -
*in the mood to do better. by
on 2014-03-01 05:43:00 UTC
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Though apparently none of my brain is in the mood to make coherent posts. I should go to bed.
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I... well. wow. there are no words. by
on 2014-03-01 00:40:00 UTC
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*explosions of fireworks that spell out messages of praise and honour for this awesome poem and its creator*
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*Standing Ovation* (nm) by
on 2014-02-28 20:21:00 UTC
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Ooh, shiny. by
on 2014-02-28 18:09:00 UTC
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Assonance is a vowel rhyme, right? The opposite being consonance, a consonant rhyme? That would make this form sort of the opposite of alliterative verse, like what's used for the Rohirric songs. Iiinteresting! So this... let's see, looks like it's mostly iambic, and every other line rhymes in addition to having three vowel-rhymes in each line? Yeah, that would be tricky to write. I'd like to give it a try, but I'd need a subject first, and it probably won't happen.
Anyway, I like yours. It makes the PPC sound a lot more grand than it really is, but that's what makes it fun. It's something that clearly required a lot of thought and effort to make it work, and you've definitely achieved that. It works, and it makes sense, and it's a nice read. {= )
~Neshomeh -
The meter... by
on 2014-02-28 20:20:00 UTC
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... is iambic tetrameter (though I think I have one 7-beat line in there). The assonance scheme is... complex. It looks like this:
There was a merry [passenger]
A [messenger], a {mariner}
He built a gilded
To and {had in her}...
In each set of four lines, there are three separate trisyllabic assonances to keep track of. Sometimes they're straight rhymes - 'passenger' and 'messenger' - but sometimes they're just little bits - 'gONDola' and 'wANDer in'.
I'd not actually made the connection back to alliterative verse - but you're right. I suppose it makes sense, since the Hobbits and Rohirrim have a history together, that they'd muck about with the same sorts of poetic constructs.
hS -
That was great! (nm) by
on 2014-02-28 16:59:00 UTC
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Oh, wow. That's just-- *standing ovation* (nm) by
on 2014-02-28 16:03:00 UTC
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Bravo! by
on 2014-02-28 15:54:00 UTC
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Wow, and I thought iambic pentameter was difficult. This is great; I don't care if it isn't perfect. If Tolkien thought it was hard, well...
This should be framed in the PPC HQ or something. -
Awesome. by
on 2014-02-28 15:42:00 UTC
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You're right, it's not perfect, but it's pretty good nonetheless, and as someone who dabbles with poetry and its translation I can't judge that too harshly - poetry is truly a hard thing to write. Chapeau.
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:: Cheers :: (nm) by
on 2014-02-28 15:25:00 UTC
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*thunderous applause* (nm) by
on 2014-02-28 15:03:00 UTC
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This is...just...wow. by
on 2014-02-28 11:29:00 UTC
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I have no idea how the heck you got so good. Wow.