A review.

Subject: A review.
Author: Huinesoron
Posted on: 2014-02-26 14:48:00 UTC

(Cross-posted to FFN)

It's difficult to know what to make of this story. It doesn't particularly go anywhere - it's a vignette, I suppose, rather than a story proper. I think it could have benefited from the drawing-out of Isildur's decision. As it stands, it's only on a reread that I even noticed he made up his mind during the story - I'd assumed he was already planning on going after the fruit. Presenting Isildur as torn over what to do, rather than making an instantaneous decision, would have taken this from vignette to full story.

That said, as a vignette, I like it. I particularly liked the scene where he sees the Tree - and even more specifically, the sudden and jarring contrast when the guards arrive. This comes over as a very powerful display of how Numenor has changed - from the ancient Nimloth, to the new, brash rule of steel and anger. They still show respect - this isn't Dark Numenor, not yet, but it is very definitely Twilight Numenor.

I also liked, in a different way, the appearance of Narsil. It amuses my fannish sensibilities, and I always love a good backstory. (Maybe I should do 'Narsil' for Netilardo...) It also works as foreshadowing: Isildur won't use Narsil against Sauron here for fear of it being lost, but when it finally is ruined, that's exactly how he does use it. Nice.

hS

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2014 Boarder's ReviewFest by KittyEden on 2014-02-24 10:51:00 UTC Reply

So, I have a new event for you all to partake in. It's quite simple actually, and hopefully this will become Annual. Yes, Annual with a capital letter. Why? Because Capital Letters are cool.

Now, onto the event.

All you have to do is post a link to your FanFiction account. It can be on ff.net, AO3, Whatever. Introduce your genre of writing, and your fandoms. Maybe talk about your ships briefly, or point out a particular gem that you wrote.

Then, in the subthreads, people will come in and review one of your stories. Remember ConCrit! That is, Constructive Critisism. And if you really like the story, give the author a «3 .

For example, here's what a rather infamous fanfic author would put down--

Hello, I'm venusgod, and my ff.net account is at (insert link here)!
I write for the Harry Potter fandom, and my ship is Harry/Draco! I hate Ron, so I use lots of ronbashing, and I like writing SlightyInsane! Dumbledore.
My only fanfic is Becoming Female, which is about Harry drinking a potion that turns him female. He then changes her name to Crystal, and dates Draco.
Review, please!
……

Of course knowing this author, there would ne a lot more spelling and grammar mistakes. Becoming Female is a horrendous fic.

So, I'll post my own intro on a subthread to avoid confusion. Now...
Let the ReviewFest begin!

~Kitty

Here's mine! by darklordaakmal on 2014-02-26 22:12:00 UTC Reply

https://www.fanfiction.net/~baabaaer

Two stories in Malay language and two in English. Haven't written any fics for a few years, no ideas to ponder yet. Perhaps I will add more in the further future.
Here's mine by Elcalion on 2014-02-26 08:00:00 UTC Reply

https://www.fanfiction.net/u/762322/Elcalion

I only ever posted one story (and that unfinished) so enjoy the extensive array of choice, whoever decides to review!

What fanfic I did write back in the day was almost exclusively LoTR, but I wrote it mainly on HASA (Henneth Annun Story Archive) and only ever bothered to post the one story to FF.net.

I like(d) historical "fill in the blank" stories - aiming at fleshing out the parts of history that Tolkien only sketched in brief. My main work (which one of these days I really need to get around to finishing) was a multi-chapter epic retelling of the fall of the North Kingdom.

Elcalion

A review. by Huinesoron on 2014-02-26 14:48:00 UTC Reply

(Cross-posted to FFN)

It's difficult to know what to make of this story. It doesn't particularly go anywhere - it's a vignette, I suppose, rather than a story proper. I think it could have benefited from the drawing-out of Isildur's decision. As it stands, it's only on a reread that I even noticed he made up his mind during the story - I'd assumed he was already planning on going after the fruit. Presenting Isildur as torn over what to do, rather than making an instantaneous decision, would have taken this from vignette to full story.

That said, as a vignette, I like it. I particularly liked the scene where he sees the Tree - and even more specifically, the sudden and jarring contrast when the guards arrive. This comes over as a very powerful display of how Numenor has changed - from the ancient Nimloth, to the new, brash rule of steel and anger. They still show respect - this isn't Dark Numenor, not yet, but it is very definitely Twilight Numenor.

I also liked, in a different way, the appearance of Narsil. It amuses my fannish sensibilities, and I always love a good backstory. (Maybe I should do 'Narsil' for Netilardo...) It also works as foreshadowing: Isildur won't use Narsil against Sauron here for fear of it being lost, but when it finally is ruined, that's exactly how he does use it. Nice.

hS

*Waves* by Miah on 2014-02-26 06:50:00 UTC Reply

My account is Miah_Arthur on AO3

I've only just finished my first fanfic this last week. It's for Haven, which I think we've established no one else here watches, but if anyone wanted a summary of the relevant bits of canon needed to understand this fic, I'd be happy to come up with one.

Summary: The Rev showed himself to be a dangerous and ruthless man. He would have murdered Amelia Benton. He tried many ways to manipulate Duke into willingly killing the Troubled. On his ghostly orders, his followers were ready to physically force Duke to murder twenty people. If Audrey had not killed him, how far would he have gone to try to make Duke his own executioner?

It's a whump fic, which is something you probably haven't heard of if you aren't in Stargate, NCIS, or Supernatural fandoms. Whump is a bit similar to hurt/comfort, but tends to be darker, and often shows up in fandoms where darkness and/or torture show up in canon. Done well it explores the physical and psychological ramifications of those things that canons frequently gloss over. (There is no gore or major physical trauma in this fic.)
*joins the fun* by Ailavyn Siniyash on 2014-02-25 16:55:00 UTC Reply

My FF.net account is https://www.fanfiction.net/~ailavynsiniyash .
My AO3 account is http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ailavyn_Siniyash .
The only difference between them is that a podfic I did is only on the AO3 one.

I'm not a very prolific writer, and what I do write tends to be short and drabbly. There's a mini-vignette that sort of accidentally became Silmarillion fic, a oneshot Castaways of the Flying Dutchman/The Dark Is Rising crossover that really needs revising, and a short little Doctor Who/The Dark Is Rising crossover that I'm not as iffy about.

Concrit please!

-Aila

Not gonna concrit again... by Huinesoron on 2014-02-26 14:34:00 UTC Reply

... because I beta'd it, but I just want to say that Lone is still brilliant. It actually inspired my own Doctor Who fic (not yet posted), on the principle of 'If Ailavyn can make awesome people be Time Lords' companions, so can I!'.

hS

Ooh, thank you! by Ailavyn Siniyash on 2014-02-26 19:26:00 UTC Reply

Really, though, whenever I get complimented (or even replied to) by an oldbie, I flail a bit. Especially if they say I inspired them to write fic. I think it's called hero-worship.

*impressionable fourteen-year-old over here!*

-Aila

Sure, why not, I haven't joined in with anything for a while by Cassie on 2014-02-25 09:47:00 UTC Reply

Hey there, I'm Cassie, and my ff.net account is https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1434325/

I have written fics for LotR, the Silmarillion, Forgotten Realms, and Firefly/Serenity. I tend to write oneshots, as any attempts at good multichaptered stuff peter out despite my best intentions and determination, and particularly enjoy little reflective pieces.

My favourite is The Impossible, an AU set after the ending of Serenity looking at what might have happened if one of my very favourite characters had survived. There's a second chapter to it, added at the request of one of my reviewers.

Hey, a fandom I read! by Huinesoron on 2014-02-26 14:31:00 UTC Reply

It took a while for one to come up. ;)

Okay, confession: while tried to read The Impossible, I fell almost immediately to skimming. I'm not sure why, so I won't try to review it. I think I'm tired. Instead, I'll review Homecoming for you.

I liked this. It's... well, sweet, really. I like that you didn't use the obvious viewpoint (Elrond) to look at Celebrian, and that you didn't have Galadriel thinking overmuch about Celeborn (since he'll be with her in a little while - a paltry century or three), but focussed on the child who left broken, and the father she hasn't seen for three Ages.

You do have a few canon glitches - or, not glitches, but missed opportunities. You don't mention that Galadriel defended her mother's kin at Alqualonde, which I think would put an interesting spin on her conversation with Arafinwe. You also seem to conflate Alqualonde (the Kinslaying) with Araman (the Prophecy, where Arafinwe turned back); again, you could probably write a whole chaptered story about Arafinwe, Artanis, and the journey from Alqualonde to Araman. But, of course, that's not the story you're writing. ;)

I'm also unclear whether this takes place on Eressea - probably the canonical location, but it would have required Arafinwe to have known the Ship was coming - or the shores of Aman itself. In the latter case, you missed the very big point that they would probably have docked in Alqualonde itself - which could definitely have been used to great effect. However, if it's Eressea, that obviously doesn't apply.

But like I say, those are missed opportunities, not errors - and might well have detracted from the beautiful finish, where you contrast the emotions of Celebrian - who left her mother on good terms, and is simply happy to see everyone again - and Arafinwe - who, depending on your viewpoint, either betrayed or was betrayed by his children. It's a lovely little story, and I enjoyed reading it.

Oh, although, since Exilic Quenya had diverged from Old Valinorean Quenya, and since Valinorian Noldorin Quenya had a) been evolving as well, and b) probably been altered by exposure to Vanyarin Quenya when the Noldor moved to Valmar after the Numenorean invasion, they probably wouldn't actually understand each other any more. ;)

hS

Well, okay, might as well join the fun. by Pretzel on 2014-02-25 04:05:00 UTC Reply

Here's my AO3 account: Scarlet_Gryphon. My fandoms there range from the slightly obscure (Zombies, Run!) to the more well known (Supernatural, Teen Wolf, Stargate SG-1, etc). The word counts range anywhere from in the low hundreds to NaNo level (actually, one was written for NaNo; it was the first year I did it), but I'm pretty proud of them all.

The only fic where I was familiar with the canons... by hermione of vulcan on 2014-02-26 15:06:00 UTC Reply

...was the Iron Man/His Dark Materials crossover. I like what you chose for their daemons - I always wondered about the logistics of having an animal with you at all times, and Tony's being a small snake means she can fit easily into the Iron Man suit. He's also not really going to 'bare his soul', so to speak - he likes to create a persona. Pepper's also makes sense, though I can't as easily articulate why.

My only "criticism" is that this fascinating line of thought was not expanded (what happens to Bruce's daemon when he turns into Hulk? do gods have daemons? did Black Widow name herself after her daemon?) but I understand. Writing works like that sometimes.

So yeah, I liked it! If I get up the motivation I might write some of those ideas - with your permission, of course.:)

Aww, darn. by firemagic on 2014-02-24 23:45:00 UTC Reply

This sounds fun, but I erased all my old fics (which were mostly very short first chapters) out of shame a few years ago. Oh well, I can still review other people's profiles.

Oh, right. by firemagic on 2014-02-26 14:11:00 UTC Reply

I do have one fic, currently posted on Archive of Our Own.

http://archiveofourown.org/works/1240288

The fandom is Puella Magi Madoka Magica, and the fic is actually pretty short.

Hoo boy. by Jopalopa on 2014-02-24 19:40:00 UTC Reply

This is gonna be fun.

My ff.net account is under the name Qwizbo: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2322724/Qwizbo I have unfinished Holes, Giver, Suite Life and Hannah Montana fanfics (which I'm somewhat ashamed by), a Phil of the Future oneshot that I think is really good, and a Phineas and Ferb fic that I really want to continue eventually. I will admit to not really knowing how to describe my writing style, which is probably a really bad thing. I'm not that into shipping, but that hasn't stopped me from attempting to write romantic relationships (generally badly).

Uh, is that enough? I think it's enough. Uh... review?
Here I go... by son_of_heaven176 on 2014-02-24 19:20:00 UTC Reply

I have an FFN account: just replace the underscores in my username with hyphens, and you have it. The link to my profile is https://www.fanfiction.net/~sonofheaven176

It's a relatively new profile, as I do a LOT of reading, but have only recently gotten into writing; I'm on my very first fanfic.

I am currently working on a crossover between Pokémon and Bakugan: Battle Brawlers, called The Vexos Chronicles. I am planning on having The Vexos Chronicles be a trilogy, with yet another story after that (tentatively titled Duel Universe). My beta is a Boarder (Outhra), but I would definitely appreciate any concrit that you can provide (especially if you're only familiar with one of the fandoms)!

Here's a link to the story: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9697398/1/The-Vexos-Chronicles-Part-I-Lost-Luster
Yikes! by Halcyon on 2014-02-24 19:07:00 UTC Reply

Oh gosh I feel like I'm going to embarrass myself but here goes nothing!

My username on ff.net is Invernam and I olny have one story posted. I currently write for the SnK fandom and you can find me here https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4300989/

I've been reading fanfic for years but I've only written two or three stories for each fandom I've been in. I just never worked up the nerve to publish them, until recently...

I should probably add... by Halcyon on 2014-02-24 19:24:00 UTC Reply

I'm in the process of rewriting this fic so if anyone has any concrit for me I'd appreciate it!

Okay, here's mine. by Neshomeh on 2014-02-24 18:00:00 UTC Reply

My ff.net account is https://www.fanfiction.net/u/155056/Neshomeh

Everything on there is more than five years old, most of it a lot more, and my god was I full of myself. Please forgive me.

I've got three Farscape fics (two of which are related to each other), one Phantom of the Opera fic, and three Harry Potter fics (two of which, again, are related to each other). Most of them are one-shots, but there are two multi-chapter stories, one finished (Farscape), the other not (HP; I still fantasize about rewriting it now that all the books are out). The PotO and HP ones are all based on role-plays I was in, so they're definitely the most dubious in quality. All the stories but the most recent Facscape one involve an OC of mine, so there's that, too. There are two names, but they're pretty much the same character. You've met her. She's settled down and works in FicPsych now.

If it helps, I've never been much of a 'shipper, at least not with romantic 'ships. I preferred really sappy redemptive friendship angst-trips. The big Farscape fic at least has an attempted "missing adventure" story going for it, though, and in the HP one Jenni is just a supportive friend to the Severus Snape/other-player's-OC couple, and not even a best friend. (They got that way later, though. Severus actually ended up unhappy in his marriage and had an affair with Jenni, but that doesn't come into the story, sooo... *shrug*)

Anyway. Review or not, as you will. {= )

~Neshomeh
Okay. by hermione of vulcan on 2014-02-24 17:18:00 UTC Reply

I have a ff.net and AO3 account, both under the username you see up there. AO3 is fairly recent- I created it maybe a month ago. The ff.net account is much older. I've deleted some of the worst offenses, but there might still be some cringeworthy things.

It's mostly Star Trek fic, and mostly TNG fics focusing on Data and possibly Geordi. I ship it, but only my most recent fics reflect that. There's some Voyager fic as well (Janeway/Chakotay), and a couple TOS fics where I bastardized Kirk's character. In non Star Trek, there's a couple Avengers fics, some Harry Potter crossovers (actually, never mind, that's Star Trek), one Percy Jackson fic, one Big Bang Theory fic *cringes*, and maybe a few Sherlock.

Have fun. Please don't be mean.
My old story . . . by doctorlit on 2014-02-24 15:10:00 UTC Reply

Was a Kingdom Hearts story that used literature as the settings, rather than Disney movies. It also had an OC as the keyblade wielder. I don't think he's very Sueish, but that might not be obvious in these initial chapters, since I didn't get very far and haven't shown much character development yet.

Readable here:
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1196257/doctorlit

Despite the fact that I haven't touched this story since 2008, I do still plan to finish it (and make sequels!). Lately, the PPC has been fulfilling my "explore fictional worlds" itch, but I know my interest in "Literary Hearts" will build up again eventually. Therefore, I would MUCHLY appreciate any and all feedback on this story.
'Lo, I bring thee: by Lily Winterwood on 2014-02-24 15:07:00 UTC Reply

Lily Winterwood and lily_winterwood (FFN and AO3)

I write for Star Trek (2009), BBC Sherlock, Hetalia, and Harry Potter (those are the ones that appear the most often). I ship Kirk/Spock, John/Sherlock, Japan/England, etc., though I am fine with writing fics where things I don't ship as avidly appear. I love writing Alternate Universes and crossovers (and your occasional Sue parody).

Intel and I are currently working on a Star Trek writer AU called "The Exquisite Corpse Novel". I've also written fics like "Legacy" (Steampunk!BBC Sherlock AU), "Blurring House Lines" (Harry Potter/Hetalia crossover), and "The International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction" (...self-explanatory), which I consider my long-term writing projects that I do each year. I'm not particularly proud of BHL as much as I used to be, and IAHF now seems problematic on several fronts now that I'm more enlightened, but yeah.

I do have a lot of fics, though, and not enough time to write down all the ideas that I get.

Exquisite Corpse by hermione of vulcan on 2014-02-25 03:37:00 UTC Reply

I knew a Star Trek writer AU couldn't go wrong with you writing it, but it's just...wow. I love it I love it.

All of their writing styles are perfect for them, there's an Almost Human reference, Spock Prime as an elf, Carol being Uhura's ex not Kirk's, so many of those sort of subtle digs at reboot, writerly things, it's just...made of awesome.

Also, I find it amusing that we both came up with real world AU!McCoy being afraid of planes. Certainly, it's a pretty logical way to translate transporter phobia, but still.

So not exactly concrit like the thread was supposed to be, but I can't think of anything that wasn't completely right.

*goes back to reading it*

Did you miss the biggest dig at the reboot? by Lily Winterwood on 2014-02-25 04:21:00 UTC Reply

Namely that the Reboot was so disjointed it must've been written by six writers who weren't allowed to look at each other's segments?

That's a more accurate descriptor for STID, though, so...

Did you also pick up the Pacific Rim references? /wink

I'm glad you like it, though. We're actually pretty close to finishing; all we got left after we do is editing out a huge chunk of scenes because we somehow made Chekov and Bones's parts go for 100+ pages. I know, I have no idea how that happened, either.

I was reading it late at night, so... by hermione of vulcan on 2014-02-26 13:30:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, it's clever. It's making fun of the reboot but at the same time, it's a reboot fanfic that plays with its characters. I mean, the reboot has so much potential to be good, and you are tapping into that.

They should really let you write the next movie.

(And yes, I did pick up on the Pacific Rim references, however that's due to Tumblr as I haven't gotten around to seeing it yet.)

Hmm, I like the idea... here you go. by Huinesoron on 2014-02-24 14:35:00 UTC Reply

I actually have two fanfiction accounts, both generally around Lord of the Rings/the Silmarillion.

-My older account is at Huinesoron. It dates 2003-2004, and then 2013-present. The older stuff (as you can see, ten years old) is... well, there's some good concepts in there, but I don't particularly like most of it any more. A fair amount is pretty meta.

The two recent fics are OFUDisc, which I'm quite proud of, and Tenth Walkers, which was a result of discussions here on the Board - it's examples of how Tenth Walker stories can be done well. I'm not sure to what extent it's concrittable, to be honest - it's a bunch of vignettes floating in space.

-My other account is at Cloaked Eagle. It spans roughly 2004-2008, and is almost exclusively Silmarillion. The overall quality is better, I think, but still patchy.

Probably my favourite stories here are: Greatest, which stars Maglor and Daeron, and is rather silly; Darkness Falling, which is an AU LotR; The Advancement of Learning, which is set in Valinor after the Third Age (apparently I started a sequel, but I don't remember doing so); and... maybe Last Grey Ship, which is set in modern times but is very much a Silm fic. I say maybe, because I seem to remember it falling apart towards the end.

So that's six stories I think could be usefully concritted (ie, I don't already think there's major problems with them). Alternately, if you want some seriously insane writing, you could always read my most famous fic of them all: the utterly indescribable Pancakes! (the ! is in the title). It's LotR. Oh yes. Ehehehe...

And some general notes about the thread:

-When writing concrit, please can we remember the 'constructive' part as well as the 'criticism'? Advising on how to fix things is an important aspect of that - as is saying what you liked as well as what you didn't.

-It might be nice if people left reviews on the actual fanfics (where possible), as well as on the Board. Just a thought.

hS
Well... by Storme Hawk on 2014-02-24 13:21:00 UTC Reply

Not sure how this can become annual, but...

Hello, on FF.net I'm known as Blazing-Auran, LINK -> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4387089/Blazing-Auran
Storme Hawk
Oh Dear by RinaAndRanda (Randa) on 2014-02-24 13:13:00 UTC Reply

Well, like Rina, I'm at school right now so I can't get a link to my ff.net account, but I can tell you the username is shawpaw12 (made when I was 12, horrible time really). Both of the fics on there are really bad and were started very long ago.
The both of them are Legend of Zelda fanfics and one is a bad one shot in script format based off of a Machinima video.
The other is the horrendous "crack fic" that includes my OC. You can actually see some growth in it but there's only 7 chapters I think?
I never update though.
Meep by RinaAndRanda (Rina) on 2014-02-24 13:10:00 UTC Reply

I'm on the Pit of Voles as Dndchk... I'm actually in the middle of a fifteen-part saga that stretches from the Marauders' years at Hogwarts to after the final battle in Deathly Hallows. (I'm at school right now and can't access ffn due to restrictions, so no link, sorry --)

It centers around a self-insert.

*hangs head in shame*

Yes, she was (is? 0o) a Sue. Yes, she stole Marauders' lines. Yes, she's ridiculously talented at Defense Against the Dark Arts (though she did fail Charms class, so maybe that balances out?). She's a Seer. The story description lists RL/OC.

But I like to think I've been improving as I go. I'm only up to part three (and I've taken a bit of a hiatus to hammer out the finer details- thank you, PPC, for making me take an even closer look at my stuff)and haven't gone back to change the older stuff. I keep it up the way it was to remind me of how far I've come in two years. And I've had an overarching storyline planned out involving time travel and a spell that takes away magical ability (AtLA, anyone?) to explain why the possibly-still-a-Sue existed once but never showed up in canon.

The first part is absolutely cringe-worthy, and I have no idea how it got like 200 reviews. The only decent chapter in the lot is chapter eighteen, and I STILL wince when I go back and reread it... Ugh.
Oh my god... by Herr Wozzeck on 2014-02-24 12:13:00 UTC Reply

Well, you can find mine here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/u/974987/Herr-Wozzeck

I write a LOT, and in fact I still do write fanfiction. These days you're most likely to see me in the Mass Effect section of the website, where I just wrapped up work on a massive project that is now finished for the whole world to see. I'm probably going to visit the world of ME crossovers soon enough with a fic I'm thinking of writing, though, so I'm probably going to be seen again soon.

But most of my early stuff is shit, especially the early multi-chaptered ones. In fact, one of them is so bad I'm snarking it myself over at the Library. But there are also lots of other things there that aren't very good (the entire Legend series comes to mind), so... yeah.
My collection of old shames. by wobblestheclown on 2014-02-24 11:41:00 UTC Reply

Hello, my name's wobblestheclown, though my ff.net account was under colourcodedchaos.
I was a terrible, terrible author trying for a comedy/adventure series involving Hermione Granger. The atrocious results can be found here.

There's also an aborted crossover between Harry Potter and the Brackenwood series.

This should tell you everything you need to know about how competent I was back then. =]

Actually, it's pretty good by KittyEden on 2014-02-24 12:49:00 UTC Reply

Don't put yourself down. I am currently reading Action Girl, and am at Chapter 4. It's fantastic. I love the part where she yells random magic words while testing out wands.