First, I have to apologize for assuming that you desperately need a beta reader. Apparently you were too eager to get this started, but it becomes better when your agents are on the mission.

One would think it was impossible for someone with detached eyes to "look at someone curiously," sounds a bit repetitive, you may want to reconsider this sentence.

When Lilly pulled out her earplugs and said "I don’t want her to see you, ...", I don’t understand how this relates to anything. Can you clarify?

Do you intend to address the inherent ridiculousness of this exposition?

How could Cris give up her poop brown hair for silver hair when she is a Metamorphmagus and doesn’t have a defined hair colour in the first place? I admit that I only realized this when she turned it to a cute light blue.

How are inflatable boobs a feature worth mentioning when every Metamorphmagus can do this (although Tonks preferred to play more modestly with her nose)?

Her eye color changes depending on her mood, and sometimes she has dog ears. Apparently she doesn’t do this intentionally, nor can she suppress it using here morphing ability. A Metamorphmagus handicapped in this way might actually be interesting. So, if the badfic doesn’t do anything with it, this might be a charge of wasting a good idea.

Oh, another missing verb: from what Lilly could from the eye she had perched should be "from what Lilly could see from the eye she had perched"?

Annie has knives? Didn’t they take swords?

so that it was staring at Annie directly in the face
I’m not sure about the grammar here, but it looks weird to me. Maybe "at" should be dropped? Or "that it was staring directly in Annie’s face" might be better?

And I should probably say: I like this so far (otherwise I wouldn't spend so much time on it).

HG

It’s rather late where I am living, but if you enable commenting on the Gdoc for me, I may try to do a proper beta reading tomorrow. (My e-Mail is "h (dot) graubart (at) t (minus) online (dot) de".)

What I got so far:

She grabbed a two bottles
Is this some dialect I don’t know? (I’m not a native speaker, by the way, so I will rather ask questions than pretend that I know how to do this right.) Did you intend to write "another two" or should the "a" just be dropped?

Annie pulled grabbed the remote generator,
There is one verb too much, probably "pulled".
As far as I know, it is the "remote activator", which controls the "portal generator".

so they wouldn’t accidentally left behind
There is a verb missing, it should probably read "accidentally be left behind".

As far as I understand the process of beta-reading (I’ve only done it once myself), you are expected to have your stuff beta-read before you make it visible to everybody. The proper way would be to ask for betas, telling what the story is about, but not linking the document. Then you would e-Mail either the document or a link to the Gdoc to your beta-readers, making the Gdoc visible only to persons who access it through this link. Thus the betas can comment privately and you can change what is still not perfect and publish the mission only when it’s really finished.

HG

I'm really liking the humor in this chapter. The story is looking really tight, although it is still in progress. I should also request that you charge her for using both magic and alchemy. I'll be sure to keep reading. Also please set this Sue on fire. Please

I haven't been on the board in months, and I'm pretty new myself… But I'll tell you what I think.

Your enthusiasm is to be commended, but you're creating a lot of clutter with the barrage of threads. In future, try consolidating them? Add stuff like this to one of the other threads you've posted so you're not dominating the front page.

I thought the characters of Annie and Lilly were strong. However there wasn't enough of them to distract me from the awful that was that fic (Alchemy doesn't work that way Agh!)
The agents in the PPC are like painkillers, they are there to make the pain go away. Still a good start for your first. attempt.
PS. Riza is awesome, keep reading
PPS The Sue got the back story of Inuyasha wrong, hope thats a charge.

I'll help you out I'm a newbie, but I do know a thing or two about writing