Subject: These two are precious!
Author:
Posted on: 2014-02-04 13:35:00 UTC

I have never even heard of this canon, so I had some problems to imagine what was going on, but I do understand that this is for my best. You did a good job making this clear.

Alas, I have to do my usual nitpicking:

Wobbles just curled up in a ball and continuing her doodle of a happy kitten, which was now almost a still life.
I’ll just accept that wobbles is able to doodle while she is curled up in a ball, but I feel this should either be continued or maybe the and should be dropped? But I’m not a native speaker and my grammar may be wrong.

I became confused by the following section:

Wobbles turned to face her, letting Annie slump to the ground. “Notary, shut up. I only want to know one thing. That thing would be that you got the canon to a nurse, and if I find out that you belittled her or were short with her then I swear to God I’ll kill you.”

“Ha. Ha. Haaaaa.”
(Is this the Notary laughing about Wobbles empty threads? Or a third person / the wraith?)

“I - this is important, you stupid clown—” (This cannot be Wobbles insulting the Notary, right?)

“I’m not stupid!” Wobbles screamed. “And don’t you dare laugh at me!”


Also, there seem to be too many words here:
The Notary ignored her, instead digging through her robe’s pockets a out again and pulling out a long, black device with an array of old-fashioned dials on the front.

HG

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