Well, you created the cuddliest mini-Aragog ever.

A Strange Request by Storme Hawk on 2013-12-15 22:57:00 UTC Reply

I'm certain I'm not alone in this, but when I started off writing fanfiction. Well it wasn't good, I'll put it like that. Now, looking back at my first attempt at a fanfic that still lies abandoned in the Pit, and due to me going through a phase in my life where I'm looking back at what I once was and standing up to it, I'd like the Board's opinion on my first work, just how bad is it? is it sporkable or not? etc. etc.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8759278/1/Harry-Potter-and-the-Guardians-of-Hogwarts

Many Thanks
Storme Hawk

Well, you created the cuddliest mini-Aragog ever. by Neshomeh on 2013-12-16 05:48:00 UTC Reply

"Hugglepuff" shows up in the last section of "Seeing is Revealing." *g*

I've only just skimmed through up to that point, but so far I think there is definitely what I'd consider sporking material present—mostly related to people acting OOC. The story is marked AU, so I'm willing to cut Thorne and Nova's "immortal guardians" deal and the whole fifth house thing a little slack if it turns out there's a good explanation for it, but stuff like Molly drugging Harry with love potion (which is illegal, not to mention something she'd never do), Dumbledore giving teaching positions to two people he doesn't know who just marched into Hogwarts bristling with weapons, Professor Binns being unceremoniously launched from the Great Hall by unexplained means, and Harry listening to a single word Thorne says after invading his mind without permission and then going "I'm sorry I went too deep," which basically amounts to "I'm sorry I got caught"... yeah, there's some silliness going on that simply being in an AU doesn't explain.

Also, Thorne at least definitely has some Aura of Smooth (see above note about Harry not distrusting him forever), and the two of them being above using charms for their SCUBA diving, plus having all their powerful connections and special abilities and their superior attitude about everything... yeah, they're a little wilver-sparkly.

That said, I was encouraged by the first author's note, which promised Thorne and Nova would fade into the background and let Harry be the main character. That's a respectable thing, if it really goes like that, and the story could conceivably work itself out of the questionable place it's currently in.

I don't know if I'll be able to read all of it, since it's kinda late right now and I don't know how much time I'll have this week, but I hope that's the kind of response you were looking for and wasn't too harsh. D'you, er, wanna see the schlock I wrote in the 8th grade for comparison? I had different problems, mostly to do with the prose being unbearably saccharine and also full of itself. >.
~Neshomeh

Thanks by Storme Hawk on 2013-12-16 12:40:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, most of those points I'd agree with, I know there are a couple of extra things that appear in the later chapters (like healing a broken arm stupidly quickly) that make no sense to me when I read through it now.

The First Author's note was really looking at the long term, I was writing Third Year as a base year to try and get everything sorted out, Fourth Year would be more focused on Harry and the school itself with the Tri-wizard and everything, and each year Thorne and Nova would become more support characters, before (at least Thorne) falling to the old 'Death of the Mentor' Trope. However I gave up at the end of Third Year, so I have no idea how it would of actually gone.

Thanks for looking through it. That's the sort of response I was hoping for, and no you weren't too harsh.
May just go straight up and claim it so I can have fun sporking it for my second mission (still working on the first)

Thanks once again
Storme Hawk