I wasn't able to get a really good read on his personality in the story, due to some of the things we've already talked about. I think he has potential, and he might play well with a partner who is less serious. His power is useful, but not broken. He has a strategy that utilizes his strengths and he seems to think things through. All of that is good. I would like to see him in a scene that isn't so background heavy, though, (maybe one of PoorCynic's workshop prompts) just to get a better idea of what he is like.

One thing I wonder about (not because it is at all important, but because this is the kind of thing I think about) is his use of a baseball bat. There is nothing wrong with a bat as a weapon, of course. As you said, it is effective and easy to maintain. However, it doesn't seem to work with his style, at least in my mind. His style seems to rely on stealth. The bow works well with that idea. On the other hand, a baseball bat is about as subtle as a...well, a baseball bat. It is hard to hide and kind of awkward to carry around.

In my mind, it makes more sense for him to have something that can be used in a stealthy manner, but also be used if stealth fails. So, what options are there? If you want to stay with blunt weapons then you could go with a billy-club/nightstick/baton, especially a telescoping version. For bladed weapons, you are probably down to daggers and knives. There is, of course, a third option: no weapons. Maybe he knows jujutsu, which uses no weapon, or just a short weapon,to take down armed and armored opponents.

Anyway, that was a lot of words to devote to something that is pretty unimportant, in the grand scheme of things. Let me know if you have any other questions, or if I can make something clearer.

-Phobos

...just search up one of your fandoms on the Circle. Something always comes up guaranteed on that front.

On the lack of permission, don't worry. You'll get there.







As will I.

It is good to see you taking my comments to heart and looking at how you can improve your writing.


1) Getting a handle on the canon before writing that character is a great idea. GDocs are useful, so learning a little more about how to use them is a good plan. And forgetting the badfic link is not a huge problem, by itself.

2) I know a thing or two about writing tics. I have a few of them, myself. You just have to be aware of them, and work to overcome them if they are getting in the way.

Like I said, it's a balancing act. I would recommend looking through the information in the first half of the story and finding the minimum that you need to make the story make sense. The rest can be sprinkled in as you need it. A good example of what could be cut is this bit:

"Why they were called the Guardians was not widely known besides that they were guarding something. From their actions speculations and rumours hinted that said thing could be anything from Ryde City, to Britain to the other Powered to King Arthur himself, although that last one and others like it were often scoffed at and dismissed."

It doesn't really add anything to the story at that point, it is never referenced again, and it could easily be added in to some dialogue later. Something like this, perhaps:

"So, I get that we're supposed to be the Guardians and all but...what are we guarding, exactly?"

"I heard it's, like, King Arthur or something."

That takes less space, and we get the information from the characters rather than the narrator, which shows that people in-universe are wondering about it.

As to the comma issue, a good beta is your best friend.

3) I wasn't aware that it was on the list of unclaimed badfic. I definitely think it doesn't belong there. While it isn't great, I didn't see anything that says it is really bad.

I think you have the right idea, here. Starting small and working your way up is a good plan. Keep looking and find a story that you think you can make into a funny mission.


You are, understandably, not happy about the result, but you are reacting in a constructive manner to the comments that I gave you. That is a very good thing. If you keep this attitude, and work on the things we've talked about, then I am sure you will get permission in the future.

-Phobos