I, I--I--I'd like to, to report a...trollfic...

Subject: I, I--I--I'd like to, to report a...trollfic...
Author: DawnFire
Posted on: 2013-10-20 02:24:00 UTC

...so nonplussed right now you have no idea.

Recently, thanks in part to PoorCynic's awesome writing workshop, I've been developing a new agent. She may soon make an appearance in a short mission, along with some older agents of mine, although that's still in the works. However, she likes Shakespeare and Gilbert & Sullivan...so I thought I'd go looking for badfics, since watching agents go crazy is kind of fun. Also, I wanted to see if there was anything out there.

Of course, the moment I started on the Shakespeare category of the Pit--and believe me, this is the first time I've ever felt like using that term--I spotted a fic called "ShakespearexLoki". It's rated T, and has the following summary:

What happens when Shakespeare and Loki are in the same room? ;) WARNING: for mature audiences only. May contain beastiality and sad ending may trigger self harm It is by Raveen.

I figured this would be odd, if not badficcy, and, well...I clicked.

And read.

And stared.

Long story short, it's a very odd trollfic. I don't think I ever want to understand this kind of troll; my brain would melt and then implode. The trollfic is all of two paragraphs, features Shakespeare the...monkey, I believe, and Loki, who, well...um.

Here, have a quote.

All of a sudden Loki bellowed, "I AM THE LOKI- full time grim reaper at hell, part time model, Brazilian Master Chef AND leader of the Rolftang Mafia!" I will bring down your kingdom with my dark sinister magic with a mixture of gum disease. If you do not kneel I will kill Shakespeare!" Loki abruptly stopped and glared at Shakespeare who squeaked, "What did I do?"

And another quote:

Shakespeare didn't kneel because he had swag.

I just. I can't.

Basically, Shakespeare's bride dresses up as Loki and kills Shakespeare. And I wish the plot made as much sense as that, because it really, really doesn't.

...any takers?

*stumbles off in a daze*

~DF

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*promptly gives up* by 99Hedgehog on 2013-10-13 07:54:00 UTC Reply

http://www.quotev.com/story/2985838/The-last-witch-of-middle-earth/

Another circle run, another potential mission.

(On that, about my permission...)

*storms away cursing the creators of the circle*

Went to the Halo section of the Pit, and guess what I found! by Endless Sea on 2013-10-22 22:04:00 UTC Reply

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9644715/1/Spartan-s-Sin-Atonement

Starring: the son of John-117! His name's Drake, but everyone calls him "Reaper" because whenever he goes on a mission, EVERYONE ELSE DIES :O and also he's also Spartan-555 and the "only known Spartan V in existence". Yeah. Also, SPaG errors all over the place.
Hmmm... by AdmiralSakai on 2013-10-20 14:52:00 UTC Reply

Is there any specific protocol that needs to be followed before a badfic goes up on the wiki page, or should I go ahead and add those two MLP:FiM "troll"fics?

The only real protocol that I'm aware of... by DawnFire on 2013-10-20 22:10:00 UTC Reply

...is that if you post it on the Board and someone says it's not badfic, you don't add it to the wiki. Also, if someone claims it on the Board, they (or a proxy) should add it to the wiki on the Claimed Badfic page. So go ahead. Feel free to add notes, or at least mention that they're trollfics.

~DF
Uh... by ThePoketrix on 2013-10-20 19:27:00 UTC Reply

Just wondering, are you referring to the two I put up?

Re: Uh... by AdmiralSakai on 2013-10-20 20:08:00 UTC Reply

Nope. Completely different pair of horrible trollfics.

Care to share titles and/or links? (nm) by ThePoketrix on 2013-10-22 02:14:00 UTC Reply

Re: *promptly gives up* by ThePoketrix on 2013-10-20 03:17:00 UTC Reply

I'm reporting two badfics.
They're from the Creepypasta Wiki instead of the Circle or Pit, but they're badfics.
(surprised they haven't been sporked yet, but they're not on the wiki)
http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/SweetAppleMassacre
Sweet Apple Massacre, this one seems like a Character Replacement of Big Mac. Warning: NSFW and gory.
http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/TheCymbalDragon
The Cymbal Dragon, do we have some sort of inanimate-object-brought-to-life Sue here?!
I, I--I--I'd like to, to report a...trollfic... by DawnFire on 2013-10-20 02:24:00 UTC Reply

...so nonplussed right now you have no idea.

Recently, thanks in part to PoorCynic's awesome writing workshop, I've been developing a new agent. She may soon make an appearance in a short mission, along with some older agents of mine, although that's still in the works. However, she likes Shakespeare and Gilbert & Sullivan...so I thought I'd go looking for badfics, since watching agents go crazy is kind of fun. Also, I wanted to see if there was anything out there.

Of course, the moment I started on the Shakespeare category of the Pit--and believe me, this is the first time I've ever felt like using that term--I spotted a fic called "ShakespearexLoki". It's rated T, and has the following summary:

What happens when Shakespeare and Loki are in the same room? ;) WARNING: for mature audiences only. May contain beastiality and sad ending may trigger self harm It is by Raveen.

I figured this would be odd, if not badficcy, and, well...I clicked.

And read.

And stared.

Long story short, it's a very odd trollfic. I don't think I ever want to understand this kind of troll; my brain would melt and then implode. The trollfic is all of two paragraphs, features Shakespeare the...monkey, I believe, and Loki, who, well...um.

Here, have a quote.

All of a sudden Loki bellowed, "I AM THE LOKI- full time grim reaper at hell, part time model, Brazilian Master Chef AND leader of the Rolftang Mafia!" I will bring down your kingdom with my dark sinister magic with a mixture of gum disease. If you do not kneel I will kill Shakespeare!" Loki abruptly stopped and glared at Shakespeare who squeaked, "What did I do?"

And another quote:

Shakespeare didn't kneel because he had swag.

I just. I can't.

Basically, Shakespeare's bride dresses up as Loki and kills Shakespeare. And I wish the plot made as much sense as that, because it really, really doesn't.

...any takers?

*stumbles off in a daze*

~DF

What. by 99Hedgehog on 2013-10-20 04:37:00 UTC Reply

You better report to FicPsych stat. Oh, and make sure you stop at the Fountain of Bleepka.

By the Nine...
Oh. Um. It's somewhat NSFW, that trollfic. (nm) by DawnFire on 2013-10-20 02:25:00 UTC Reply

Re: Oh. Um. It's somewhat NSFW, that trollfic. by ThePoketrix on 2013-10-20 06:14:00 UTC Reply

Somewhat NSFW?
Isn't the rule "it's either fully NSFW or it's not?"

Weeelll, there's mildly NSFW... by DawnFire on 2013-10-20 06:29:00 UTC Reply

...and there's also really, really, REALLY NSFW. This one is at the mild end of the scale.

I believe the objection before was that something cannot be 'partially NSFW'...although part of it can be while another part isn't, so that may not have been the best word choice. However, I was referring to the degree of NSFWness.

~DF

Sliding Scale of NSFW by ThePoketrix on 2013-10-20 07:36:00 UTC Reply

Ah. Gotcha.

Eternals damn the Circle. by 99Hedgehog on 2013-10-19 03:39:00 UTC Reply

http://www.quotev.com/story/3651489/Never-alone/

You know the drill. I post it, I claim it.

Woohoo.

Well... by Desdendelle on 2013-10-19 13:07:00 UTC Reply

Your enthusiasm is good, but you did notice you've claimed enough fics for a spinoff? Most agents don't have more than three missions under their belt, and that's the fifth fic you claim. Sure, claiming fics isn't set on stone - I should know, I've claimed fics and moved them back to the unclaimed list myself, and old claims get booted to the unclaimed list, too - but I think you're overdoing it.

That said, the Claimed Badfic list could use a cleanup. How do I do that?

Now this is a goodfic. by 99Hedgehog on 2013-10-16 09:16:00 UTC Reply

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9305619/1/The-Trouble-with-Time-Travel

I loved this. by Cyba Zero on 2013-10-18 13:04:00 UTC Reply

I admit, I had to read the comments to understand the full implications of the planet's name, but it was well worth it. Necrons dealt with in true Doctor style; fantastic!

Now, I find myself thinking along the lines of that post I saw further down the board recently about a Rancor versus a Cave Troll, and I find myself wondering... What would win out of a Dune Sand Worm and a Mass Effect Thresher Maw?
Oh, YES by Ailavyn Siniyash on 2013-10-16 22:42:00 UTC Reply

I love a good Doctor Who crossover, even though I don't know the fandom on the other end.

-Aila

Someone forward this to the Trollfic department. by 99Hedgehog on 2013-10-16 09:07:00 UTC Reply

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9768966/1/DOCTOR-WHO-AND-THE-VAMPIRESSS

I'll just grab that, ta... by DawnFire on 2013-10-17 19:38:00 UTC Reply

Mission hopefully coming up soon, thanks mainly to PoorCynic's writing workshop (and a number of other factors, but PoorCynic was definitely the catalyst).

~DF

Marleah Who? by 99Hedgehog on 2013-10-16 08:09:00 UTC Reply

http://www.quotev.com/story/3896790/Why-10th-Doctor-Love-Story/

Doctor Who badfic. The title says it all.

But I have to give it to the author that they did their research.

Not claiming.
Bleeprin products on sale! by Green Armada on 2013-10-16 01:13:00 UTC Reply

Bleeprin! Get your Bleeprin here! We stock all types of bleeprin, in all sizes up to the barrel!

I think I need some, after reading a page of all of these badfics...

Barrel? Pah. by DemonFiren on 2013-10-16 01:15:00 UTC Reply

You'll need a tanker truck.

Re: Barrel? Pah. by Green Armada on 2013-10-16 02:12:00 UTC Reply

I got orders coming, don't worry.

I'm just dropping the prices of bleeprin here. (nm) by 99Hedgehog on 2013-10-16 03:20:00 UTC Reply

Erudamnit by 99Hedgehog on 2013-10-15 06:47:00 UTC Reply

http://www.quotev.com/story/3507319/Prove-Me-Wrong-Lord-Of-The-Rings/

"Ooh look, I'm a prissy Mary Sue! I'm the daughter of Sauron! I'm a ranger! I'm so kewl!"

*claimed*
*WARNING! WORLDJUMPER!* by 99Hedgehog on 2013-10-14 08:07:00 UTC Reply

http://www.quotev.com/story/3817079/By-Mere-Magic-Legolas/

This Sue is a worldjumper, she can move between continuum. Anyone ready for an intercontinuum chase? So claimed.
*WARNING! WORLDJUMPER!* by 99Hedgehog on 2013-10-14 08:07:00 UTC Reply

http://www.quotev.com/story/3817079/By-Mere-Magic-Legolas/

This Sue is a worldjumper, she can move between continuums. Anyone ready for an intercontinuum chase? So claimed.

Just curious, 99Hedgehog... by Autumn_68 on 2013-10-16 12:54:00 UTC Reply

...but you seem to be claiming quite a lot of badfics without updating the 'Claimed Badfic' list. Can this be because you forgot (or haven't had time) to update it, or simply because you haven't heard of it?

Also, I think this will come in useful for you: http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/MissionWritingGuide
If you haven't read it, do read it. It will come in very, very handy for those writing their first missions.

~Autumn

Just being forgetful/haven't had the time. (nm) by 99Hedgehog on 2013-10-17 09:32:00 UTC Reply

Oh. by Autumn_68 on 2013-10-17 10:29:00 UTC Reply

Do you want me to put the fics on the list for the time being, until you comment on them, or do you want to do it on your own?

Also, you have read the Mission Writing Guide, have you? Most pre-Permission Boarders would have, 'cause they're all so eager to write their own mission reports.

~Autumn

Well... by 99Hedgehog on 2013-10-17 10:44:00 UTC Reply

A) That would be great and feel free to add your own comments as well.

B) I most definitely have.

What, what is it? Am I needed? Am I in trouble? by World-Jumper on 2013-10-14 18:04:00 UTC Reply

Oh. A Sue jumper. Gotcha.

I'll just... Sit here... With Jumper... Preying that I can write a world-jumper well.

Hooray for mini-boarders! (nm) by 99Hedgehog on 2013-10-14 22:17:00 UTC Reply

Lmmmmphf! by Autumn_68 on 2013-10-14 11:34:00 UTC Reply

What in the name of Aslan (and Eru and Merlin) *is* that? And it's not even finished? Imagine if it was...ugh, I need to dunk my head in a barrel of Bleepbeer, excuse me.

~Autumn

I went for a walk in the Pit recently... by Autumn_68 on 2013-10-14 06:17:00 UTC Reply

...and this was what I found: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9386635/2/The-Destruction-of-Shadows

A Sue who rips off Eru's and Fëanor's name and descriptions of the El-twins and Boromir from the book without crediting Tolkien. And it doesn't help that *some* reviewers are defending the Suethor, thinking that fanfic writers can do anything in fanfiction.

~Autumn

So... by DawnFire on 2013-10-15 18:07:00 UTC Reply

...I got to "Erulissë Fëanor, the eldest daughter of Lord Elrond" in the summary before losing it. This is hysterical.

Although, um, that should be 'elder', unless there's a third sister added on as well.

Oh wow. 'Eru-honey+feminine-ending Spirit-of-fire'. The heck. Especially considering that Líssë is a feminine Quenya name meaning 'honey', not Lissë, and I have no idea why you'd want to combine that with Eru in the first place. Also, Elves don't use the names of Eru or the Valar in their own names. According to realelvish.net, doing that is considered to be an attempt to impersonate a god. Oh dear, the charges are just piling up...and all from one sentence! Also, considering that Elves of the Third Age normally give out Sindarin names, and that Fëanor (/muffles giggles) is a Sindarin-ish name in any case, her first name ought to be Eruglíhel, or something along those lines. Which...looks kind of awful, actually, I can see why an English speaker wouldn't choose that.

WELL! This just got worse! She's got a dead friend who gets awakened.

...zombies in M-e?

I think I need to actually read this thing. See you around.

~DF

Mandos have mercy on your soul. (nm) by 99Hedgehog on 2013-10-16 08:11:00 UTC Reply

My eyes! My eyes! by Autumn_68 on 2013-10-14 05:06:00 UTC Reply

*puts on goggles* Oh horror of horrors...are you claiming this fic too? If you are, please bash Emerald on the head for me. Thank you.

~Autumn

Oh, most definitely. (nm) by 99Hedgehog on 2013-10-14 06:45:00 UTC Reply

Re: *promptly gives up* by Green Armada on 2013-10-13 19:05:00 UTC Reply

I pretty much stopped reading when I saw, in the link, the title. It yelled - more like screamed in my face - Mary-Sue.
"The Last Witch of Middle-Earth" ? Really?
A friendly reminder. by Desdendelle on 2013-10-13 17:06:00 UTC Reply

While I am happy to see such enthusiasm, please remember to use the same thread for badfic reports until it falls off the front page. There's a badfic report thread started by you just three days ago and it's still in the first page; a bit bellow that there's AdmiralSakai's, and a bit bellow that there's another one by you.

Ow! by DemonFiren on 2013-10-13 19:38:00 UTC Reply

My ears! You're bellowing rather loudly there...

What? by Phobos on 2013-10-13 20:01:00 UTC Reply

I don't see any caps-lock going on in that post, nor do I see exclamation points (which I do note are in your post, making you appear to be louder than Des). In what way was there bellowing?

-Phobos

I believe it's because... by PoorCynic on 2013-10-13 20:54:00 UTC Reply

Des wrote 'bellow' instead of 'below' in his original message.

"...a bit bellow that there's AdmiralSakai's, and a bit bellow that there's another one by you."

Ah, I see by Phobos on 2013-10-14 01:17:00 UTC Reply

Not sure how I missed that. Thanks for the correction, PC.

I apologize, DemonFiren.

-Phobos
Eheh... by Desdendelle on 2013-10-13 21:01:00 UTC Reply

Oops. That's what happens when you have lots of inspections planned in a short time and you're doing long shifts - your spelling suffers. Sorreh, people.

No words. Just horrible fanfic. by 99Hedgehog on 2013-10-13 11:32:00 UTC Reply

http://www.quotev.com/story/2944608/The-queen-Legolas-love-story/

The doom of good fanfiction... by Autumn_68 on 2013-10-14 05:46:00 UTC Reply

The Suethor does not know what paragraphing is. Lenina is a frilly, shallow idiot who makes canon characters talk like teenagers. The Suethor needs to take up Punctuation 101.

Examples of the above: "'Are you serious? I mean, I don't like dwarfs that much, but to pretend you don't know them, that's a little harsh, don't you think?' [Legolas] carefully asked. " Inhabitants of Arda do not say "are you serious?" or "I mean", Suethor dear. Nor do they call dwarves "dwarfs". Another one: "'How is that possible???'" Legolas comments on a random Kinslaying the Suethor invented, spraying us with question marks.

This one gave me a migraine. 99Hedgehog (and all other Circle-Divers), I admire your guts and tolerance.

~Autumn

Re: *promptly gives up* by Storme Hawk on 2013-10-13 08:13:00 UTC Reply

It's the circle, of course there's another mission boucing somewhere around in its depths.

Meanwhile in the Pit...
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9749841/3/The-Silver-Fox-and-the-Wood-Elf
I'm keeping an eye on this one, at the moment it's fairly short (3.5k) and whilst it hasn't mucked up the canon too much yet (besides the two titular characters) it doesn't look to be going in the right direction (although of course I may be wrong)
I should also really look outside of Harry Potter when I go in the pit. Oh well...

Oh and don't rush people about Permission, a) just because you're available now doesn't mean everyone else is and b) these things just take time.