Owowowowowowowowowow...
Haven't read very far, but..."My mother, Lady Celebrain..."
Her mother is a mini-Balrog. Who apparently dies of a fever rather than sailing to Valinor due to injuries by Orcs. Yeesh. And I'm fairly sure Arwen was older than twelve when all of that happened--100 and something springs to mind.
...Dialogue. No. Get it away from me, that's horrible! Elves don't talk like that! At all! Also, she should be Gloriel, if I'm not much mistaken--who gives out Quenya names in the Third Age? Very few people, and certainly not Lord Elrond. Maybe the Gondorians, they have a tendency to mix Quenya and Sindarin, but Elrond--Elrond's *parents*, even--were born in a time when Quenya was no longer widely spoken. (Do you see Glorfindel's name starting with 'Laur' and looking something like Laurefindele ((missing accents))? No. No, you don't.) I mean, there's a basis for Elrond having heard it as a child, but...the fact remains that it's highly unlikely for him to give out Quenya names to his children...seeing as how he didn't give them to his other children (unless I'm missing something?).
Speaking of which, are the El-twins in this? Are they even in this? They certainly don't seem to be so far...
Oh, and, Suethor, dear? Ten-year-old Elves are infants. Toddlers, at best. Good grief, what is this? It's like fifteen-year-old Legolasa all over again. Why don't people do their research properly?
Oh, and...why exactly is Elrond not telling his very young daughter that 'Celebrain' dying means that they won't see her again until they themselves sail into the West and meet her, reembodied, on the shores of Valinor? That's what death means for Elves, y'see. They go hang out in the Halls of Mandos for a bit (or for a lot, if they're Feanorian) and then they get reborn. Why Elrond isn't using this to comfort dear Lauriel I have no idea.
...Elves don't have "golden blond hair", especially not female Elves. They would have golden blonde hair, if Elves had that, but they don't, so they don't.
I'm sorry, RandomlyatRivendell!Legolas looks to be little miss Lauriel's age, and he's shooting a bow?? That's it, I'm reading a movieverse fic about elven toddlers. This is stupid. I think I may claim this, if it gets any worse.
Yeah, it just got worse. She lives near the Bruinen and doesn't know how to swim, and she thinks her mother's in heaven. Wonderful. Also, her name can't be Undomiel, that's *Arwen's* name! And only Arwen's! Does Lauriel look like Luthien? No, I don't think so! For one thing, Luthien's hair was dark! Argh.
You don't have the boy's name? Well, I know who he is, and I am at a complete loss as to what he's doing near Rivendell.
...yes, remind me to take this one and give it to...someone. Not sure who. But an agent or several who will get a kick out of the wording and the badly written details.
I wonder how old she is in chapter one as opposed to the prologue...I'm guessing she's in her teens, her twenties, or possibly in her thousands--you never know with Elf-Sues.
I shall add this to Claimed Badfic, I think, unless someone else really has their heart set on taking it (in which case, let me know).
~DF