(Un)Intelligence: Wire Tap 3

Subject: (Un)Intelligence: Wire Tap 3
Author: SeaTurtle
Posted on: 2013-09-19 23:27:00 UTC

Inspired by the latest badfic game below. I couldn't resist... Please note that this is not meant to interfere at all with the ongoing badfic-fest. Harris or Sonia won't try to do anything with the mess they've been portalled in.

More logs coming soon.

The Search For ~~Spock~~ Frost

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Department of Intelligence Datanet
Login: N/A, PPC BOARD OVERRIDE DETECTED

* * * * *

>>View/Authentication[BOARD OVERRIDE]/Chatlogs/Today/Orangeteam/ Log0221-VN7-SY13-ML10

>>>>TRANSLATING… DONE

* * * * *

[PairasocksParadox has joined the chat room]

[SwissCheese has joined the chat room]

[PegaRider has joined the chat room]

PairasocksParadox: guys we have a huge problem. where are you at?

PegaRider: Cubicle just down the lane, using a friend’s machine. What’s wrong?

SwissCheese: On my mobile phone, intersection of Balderdash Boulevard and Pea-brain Lane, heading towards the cubicle. Might take a while. Status?

PairasocksParadox: you know how the fanficWorld stuff is starting to filter over here, right?

PairasocksParadox: harris frost went in and forgot his gear. all of it. moron must have thought it was a mission for him.

SwissCheese: Preposterous. No agent is this disorganized. Did he also leave behind his earpiece? Remote Activator? Food or other supplies?

PairasocksParadox: all here in his backpack, maurice. i can’t believe he’s actually this stupid. without any of his gear i can’t track him down or anything. DIA special response is gonna have one hell of a time trying to find him.

SwissCheese: This complicates matters.

PairasocksParadox: no really, sherlock. maybe he’ll find his way back all by himself. it’s what he does best, turning up when we least want him around. what d’you say? leave him be?

SwissCheese: A rescue attempt would be foolhardy, especially considering the circumstances. If it were regular badfic, I would volunteer, but we are talking about fanficWorld here. Leave him be.

PegaRider: Wait what? Are you seriously not going to do anything about this?????!!!!

SwissCheese: The DIA will be alerted, but there is nothing we can do. Also, please use punctuation appropriately.

PairasocksParadox: plus the last time he got lost and came back, he brought the andorian shingles with him. green team needed like fifty DoF temps to fill the gaps due to the violent outbursts of ocular hemorrhaging. i say the disaster magnet can wait for now. it’s not like we need another problem on our hands.

PegaRider: But still, there’s got to be something we can do, right??? We can’t just sit around while he’s trapped in there!! WHAT IF HE GETS KILLED????

SwissCheese: Punctuation and capitalization of your sentences as exemplified above do not increase the likelihood of your message being taken seriously, Sonia.

PegaRider: Nag, nag, nag. Shove off, Maurice. And you, Van, shame on you for abandoning Harris!!! We’ve got to do something!!

SwissCheese: Count me out of this. I’m not stepping into fanficWorld just to get instantly Sued by proxy. Returning to cubicle. Not participating in these shenanigans.

[SwissCheese has left the chat room]

PegaRider: Jerk!!!!!

PegaRider: Van, send me the portal coordinates Harris used. I’m going in.

PairasocksParadox: aw hell no you’re not going in there. i don’t want to be complicit in losing a competent agent.

PegaRider: Be that way. I’m putting my breastplate on and getting my lance. I’ll come over in about three minutes. Get. The. Portal. Generator. Ready.

PairasocksParadox: i’ll wipe the portal command log. you’re not going.

PegaRider: Look, I’ll have my comms earpiece and the RA with me. I can hop out of fanficWorld if things get too hot any time I like. If it makes you feel better, I’ll keep a channel open for you so that you can talk to me. How does that sound?

PairasocksParadox: ugh

PairasocksParadox: fine, you win. but just remember: if I see things get too dangerous, i’m pulling you out of there, pronto.

PegaRider: Thanks, Van. You’re a real gent.

PairasocksParadox: if anything happens to you, i’ll say that you insisted and went on your own volition. i deny any responsibility. you do know only the DIA is cleared for search and rescue operations, right? you don't have any training.

PegaRider: I don’t like you either. Punch Maurice in the arm for me when he walks in.

[PegaRider has left the chat room]

[PairasocksParadox has left the chat room]

Reply Return to messages

(Un)Intelligence: Wire Tap 3 by SeaTurtle on 2013-09-19 23:27:00 UTC

[[INTERCEPTED COMMUNICATION]] by SeaTurtle on 2013-10-03 22:58:00 UTC Reply

>>View/Authentication[BOARD OVERRIDE]/Audiologs/Today/Orangeteam/ Log006-VN7-SY13

>>>>TRANSLATING… DONE

- -

Agent Sonia: Okay, I’m …n. Can you... me, Van?

Agent Nguyen: Bah, I got some static on my end. I think the creativity shield is blocking some of your transmissions. Everything all right down there?

A.S: It’s funny. I can hear y… fine.

A.N: One-way interference then. Fantastic. If this audio link drops out, I’m getting you out.

A.S: Aw, come on! It’s …shot at finding Harris.

A.N: He’ll be fine. He’s got this sort of… immunity against these of things. No matter what trouble he lands into, he can escape it with a minimum of injuries. Where are you now?

A.S: …eird. It’s like an RC… agent pair and …is a canon character. How… read Words…

A.N: Um, if you wanna read the story’s Words, just relax your eyes and look off into the distance. It’s like looking at a wall, but focusing your eyes on something that would be behind it. It’s hard to do at first but you’ll get the hang of it pretty soon. As for your whereabouts… um… lessee… Ah. I think you’ve portalled into a shipfic between some agent, her crazy partner, and their Lust Object. Ick. Harris can’t be far, now. Begin your sweep.

A.S: Yeah, yeah, I … Van. That’s strange. I don’t see… Maybe he’s … else?

A.N: Okay, getting a lot of static on my end. You said he’s not there, right?

A.S: Right.

A.N: Hm. Well, you are in a RC, so the first thing Harris would have done once he’d realized he’s in badfic is portal out. Considering he forgot his gear here, he’d have gone to the console portal generator.

A.S: Should I check… logs?

A.N: Portal logs? Go for it. Just don’t get caught.

A.S: …creepy. Pale-skin-man is leaning… woman.

A.N: That’s uncomfortable shipfic for you. Star Trek canon character, I think.

A.S: Hm. Waiting to get… console. They’re sill looking… direction. Will the invis… work?

A.N: Will the what now?

A.S: Invisibility patch. You know, its… sage frond.

A.N: Oh! You mean the SEP field in the flash patch. Er, I don’t know if it’s gonna shield you to that extent. You are a stranger in her RC after all. Just wait until the fic starts describing something and access the logs. Suvians can’t act and be described at the same time.

A.S: Okay… I’ve got them. Printing logs.

A.N: Good. Duck outside into the corridor and have a look.

A.S: I’m outside. …strange. The console … empty.

A.N: Did you print the right file?

A.S: Yeah, it says “Portal gen… logs for RC…” and nothing underneath it except a in/out… to the “STK-TNG” verse.

A.N: That would be the kidnapping of the canon character for this particular badfic. Ugh, are you sure he’s not hiding in the washroom or something?

A.S: The RC was just… single room. Sparsely furnished. Impossible to hide.

A.N: Ah, crisse. He must’ve ventured into the fanficWorld version of HQ. Well, hopefully the standard laws of navigating the corridors apply and you’ll have to amble about blindly until you run into each other.

A.S: What happened to… “careful?” And what’s this about ambling blindly?

A.N: Look, d’you see any other way we can find Harris? You’re gonna have to forget about him, walk around a sparkly, parallel version of the most convoluted maze in existence, inadvertently wander into more PPC-themed badfics, rage at the awful, and run into Harris just when you think you’re never going to find him.

A.S: Think about… just said. How can I find… without searching for him?

A.N: But that’s how Headquarters works... well, our HQ at any rate. How long have you been here anyways?

A.S: Just over a week.

A.N: And nobody told you how to get around HQ? Well, I’d guess that would work to some extent, but…

A.S: Well, I got… of basic training… under Mr. Mansfield, but… about complaining about some Legal Department… interferes with the Duty. He wants navigable… at the very least.

A.N: Mansfield? That new guy in Personnel with the recruitment scheme? Hah! Legal’s not going anywhere anytime soon. ‘Sides, half the fun of walking around HQ is not knowing who or what you’re going to run into. Hang on a minute, I just gotta tell this to Penny, she’d get a real laugh out of this… Right. Where was I?

A.S: Getting around…

A.N: Oh! Right, getting around HQ. All right, start walking. I’ll explain on the fly, you’ll be more distracted this way.

- -
Are the chathandles representing existing agents? by Outhra on 2013-09-20 02:06:00 UTC Reply

Because I'm not sure which agent is attached to which handle. Then again, I don't remember the members of the Orange Team, so it might just be me not having enough information to determine their identities properly.

Also, I can't have been the only one who instantly thought of Bravest Warriors when I read the chathandle PairasocksParadox.

I CAN'T NOT PUT THESE ON! (spirals out)

Nah, we haven't met them yet. by SeaTurtle on 2013-09-20 07:36:00 UTC Reply

The occupants of cubicle 1313, Lothlórien Boulevard are still more or less undefined. The only "important" ones in there are Harris and Sonia. In fact, I don't think I've ever mentioned anyone coming from Orange Team... until now that is.

Still, I feel bad for not really sketching out personalities for the two other agents. Hmmm...

PairasocksParadox, aka Van Nguyen. Québec-born Vietnamese immigrant. Male, 22 years old. University student prior to recruitment. Of average height. Has short black hair and glasses. Round facial features. Usually wears graphic tees. Tends to take charge. Likes to spread his work around. Specializes in Adventure Time.

SwissCheese, aka Maurice Lépine. French nationality. Male, 26 years old. Electrical engineer prior to recruitment. Taller than most. Shoulder-length bond hair worn in a ponytail and a goatee. Sports a prominent nose. Almost never seen without his smart phone. Austere attitude. Very fond of cheese. Specializes in Dune.

PegaRider, aka Sonia of Ylisse. Estimated to be 19 years old. Recruited from a Fire Emblem badfic by a certain James T. Mansfield as part of a Department of Personnel experiment. Still wears the tunic, riding breeches, and boots that were part of her old uniform. Slightly below average height for a woman. Long brown hair in a bun. Delicate facial features. Often spends time practicing fighting with a lance in the Courtyard. Highly sociable. Specializes in Fire Emblem.

Also, you win an internet cookie for catching that Bravest Warriors reference. Hey, who's your favourite character? I like Danny: his backstory is just so pathetic...

Probably Wallow. by Outhra on 2013-09-22 20:42:00 UTC Reply

He has a lot of the best lines. Then again, almost everyone has something awesome to say. Bravest Warriors is just that type of show, where awesomeness and hilarity trump development of the plot.
It's been a full season, and I still don't know what half of the characters are doing there, but there's enough to enjoy that the details don't matter. Fun is fun.

According to the wiki, there were a few other members of the Orange Team revealed prior to the three new ones. The one team that nobody was revealed as part of was the Yellow Team, and there's only one person in Purple Team, but since that person is using the same cubicle number as Harris Frost, who's in Orange Team, that might be a record error. Unless different teams can share cubicles. They might, but I don't know what the reason would be for doing so, organizationally speaking. Do they?

What exactly differentiates the teams, by the way? I remember that the last time I asked you questions on the Department of Intelligence, you clarified how the spies are assigned to each team, but now I'm wondering what each team's duties are. Are there distinct methods that each team uses, or certain types of continua that are only covered by certain teams, or some other distinguishing traits?
A quick scan of the wiki page says that the second is unlikely, since Green Team has specialists working in everything from classic literature to modern anime, but it might just be that the DoI category system is structured differently than I thought it was.

Different teams share cubicles. by SeaTurtle on 2013-09-23 00:27:00 UTC Reply

Teams are just rotated around different duties on a day-to-day basis. For example:

Day 1:

-Red Team on Action duty. Occupies the Cubicle Maze.

-Blue Team on Assignment duty. Agents assign fics to Action Department teams from their Response Centres.

-Green, Yellow, Purple, and Orange Teams are on sorting duty.

Day 2:

-Orange Team on Action duty, relieves Red team from the Cubicle Maze.

-Red Team takes over Assignment duty from Blue. Agents get to sleep in!

-Blue Team returns to assignment duty. Purple Team next in line for Action.

Day 3:

-Purple Team on Action duty, relieves Orange Team.

-Orange Team moves on to Assignment duty, relieves Red.

-Red Team returns to Sorting. Yellow next in line for Action.

...and so on. The main purpose of this mechanism is to make sure every agent gets to spend some time outside of HQ on a regular basis.

Each team has the same duties to perform; breaking them up into teams is for ease of rotation. Additionally, they don't wear any signs that identify them as being part of a colour team.

As for your question pertaining to cubicles, you are correct in saying that different teams share cubicles. Using the rotation example above, if Red Team agents stationed at 8912 Prospit Crossing leave a mess in their cubicle and don't clean it up before the end of their shift, the Orange Team agents who are assigned to 8912 Prospit are going to have a really bad time wallowing through the litter.