I actually poked around the wikia and read stuff for over two years, and I know about the trouble of working the board.

But welcome, and have a fluffy velociraptor, TopHatOfDoom.

Good to meet you. :D Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object. They're handy for keeping Sues busy!

Glad to have you aBoard. From one "new" participant to another, I gift you this self-replicating Roomba. I'm sure it will be useful.

I must say, that was probably the most I have every seen of a response in any board-shaped community. Which is a good thing, I think. Well... It is a good thing, but I am a hat*, which complicates the thought process somewhat...

Moving on...

Thank you all. You seem like a lovely group of questionably-sane interesting people. Probably could have come up with a better way of saying that, but I think you might take issue with the harmless part of harmless lunatics. And possibly the lunatic part. But that doesn't seem too much of a problem.

*Mostly. It's an odd codependency. It needs someone to type for it.

Ah, another Puella Magi! Or Puer Magi, as the case may be.

You'll notice Sturgeon's Law is very much in effect around fanfiction communities. But the 10% makes it worth it.

I don't have a lot to give... how about a talking toy Kyuubey? It will serve as a good distraction should you run into trouble. 'Contract?'

Welcome, fellow reader of fanfiction! It may oftentimes be hard to find goodfic, but it's out there, if you're willing to take the effort. Usually, I just sort by reviews then scan the summaries for premises that look good (a badly-written summary usually portends a badly-written story), but it seems that we both have learned some good ways to find goodfic.

But enough of that; you're due a gift!
*rummages through bag of holding*
Aha! Here, have a copy of Anguished English! All the technical errors of badfic, without the concomitant need for Bleeprin!(Really, this book is good. If you can get ahold of it IRL, I suggest that you do so.)

Stay a while and listen, for many of us have interesting tales to share, both in the IRC and here on this Board! Plus, it's great to see another Mass Effect enthusiast here.

Hello!
Since you seem like a good anime-liker who doesn't abuse Japanese, I give to you: an urple-colored mini-robot who can do anything from serving tea to playing soccer.
Also, it is pretty hard to find good fanfics in The Pit. where I lurk as well. What I found was that good authors like good authors. That connection finds you pretty good fanfiction (most of the time).

Green Armada

Hello, it's nice to meet you. I too lurk around the Pit looking for something worth reading. It's hard to find something good, but there are times where I'm pleasantly surprised.
Have a potato cannon and a basket of russet potatoes. They're great for warding off Sues!

Greetings, new friend! Help yourself to the bag of venomous desert animals! Don't worry; they don't all bite. Some of them sting!

Hi there! Here, have one (1) Infinite Notebook, lined, with urple covers and wilver binding. I am constrained to warn you that it may bring permanent harm to your vision.

-Aila

For being a dragon age and eva fan. I hearby grant you a Grey Warden maker potion and your choice of immuntity to one Askua BSOD or an eva suit of your choice.

Welcome to the Board! Here, have some Schrodinger's Chocolate Chip Cookies! May or may not contain chocolate chips!

I enjoy Google Translate.

Anyway, welcome to the PPC! Unfortunately, we don't have any fandoms in common, so for your newbie gift you'll have to tolerate this unrelated Dinglehopper. (Not a fork. This one has built-in plasma cannons, a kitten dispenser, and a deux ex machina button among its many lethal features.) A good tip for navigating the horrors of the Pit: find one story you *do* like, and click around in their favorites list. Then, if you like anything you find, go to that author's favorites list, and pretty soon you'll have a whole network of decent writing. Excepting the occasional pity-favorite, that is.

Again, welcome!

-- Len

Finally, I get to have someone else to fawn over that series with! Awesomesauce!

*ahem*

Anyway, welcome to the PPC. Take your shoes off, leave your sanity at the door, and make yourself at home. We love newbies here, trust me!

As a welcome gift, I'll even gift you some music by Karlheinz Stockhausen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTtzAmZFtds

Welcome on Board, my hat-shaped friend! You may leave your sanity at the door, it's not needed here.
First of all, please read The Constitution. Since you've been lurking in the Wiki, I don't need to point you there, but I should probably recommend The Original Series, if you haven't read it already.
That said, have a cup of tea. Just don't let the leaves eat you.

-(almost-)Corporal Des