To: Agent Dawn McKenna [dawnm.console17015dm997091sh62442.rc18.DMS]
From: RC #999 [console349376sn2066720bc102875.rc999.DIC]
CC: Jennifer Robinson [jrobinson.console3114ps94394fp42865.rcC-14.FICPSYCH]
Subject: Re: Fire-lizards!

Agent McKenna,

Hello, and thank you for contacting us! I have enjoyed considering your variety of offers. My partner will be very pleased to accept the TOS scanner to add to what is becoming a complete collection. We shall avoid scanning any Vulcans—not that we would have much opportunity to do so.

If you are willing to throw in the Retcon and one of your scarves, as well, we would call that a very good deal. For the scarf, I am not partial to any particular colors, but if you have something that would look nice with both blue fur and red hair, that would be most appreciated.

Agent Ilraen
RC 999
Department of Implausible Crossovers

I know I gotta respond to this thread more before it vanishes. I've gotten busy working on this, though. It's distracting. ^_^;

~Neshomeh, attention span of a gnat.

I must have been remembering from the first year I was a Boarder--I was living in a different country. Now I know.

~DF

Just to make sure, Notary's bid was okay, right? Only, she is broken, on a profound and personal level (has been since her last regeneration), and I'm intrigued as to how a low-level telepathic organism responds to that. Pity'd be my guess, but it's still going to be fun to watch. =]

(( I may have been a bit overwhelmed by the guys' bickering. Sorry. ^_^; ))

To: Denny Robbs [drobbs.console9126413a05.rc20.DO]
From: Agents Supernumerary and Ilraen [console349376sn2066720bc102875.rc999.DIC]
CC: Jennifer Robinson [jrobinson.console3114ps94394fp42865.rcC-14.FICPSYCH], Building Maintenance [BM.DO]
Subject: Re: Fire-lizards

Agent Robbs,

Thank you (and the rest) for your interest. We accept your offer and we will guarantee at least one egg in return, with the possibility of two at no extra cost if any are still unclaimed when they begin to hatch. We know they could be quite useful to your crew, and we appreciate the value of your work.

Please let us know who will attend the hatching so we may keep them informed.

Agent Ilraen
RC 999
Department of Implausible Crossovers

(( And with that, I think I've responded to everybody at least once. Personal suckage has been reduced! ))

To: Agents Supernumerary and Ilraen [console349376sn2066720bc102875.rc999.DIC]
CC: Jenni[jrobinson.console3114ps94394fp42865.rcC-14.FICPSYCH], Gerry [Gcavendish.console9126413a05.rc20.DO]
From: Colt [cglimmerhand.console9126413a05.rc20.DO]
Subject: Re: Fire-Lizards, huh?

What! I’m totally responsible!

Two favors *and* electrical work of your choice up to and including the console so long as you don’t let DoSAT know.

-Colt

To: [jrobinson.console3114ps94394fp42865.rcC-14.FICPSYCH]
From: The Lichen [lcladoniastellaris.console66.DIC]
CC: Agents Supernumerary and Ilraen, RC 999 [console349376sn2066720bc102875.rc999.DIC]
Subject: I am appalled.

Nurse Robinson, I am appalled that you would even consider comparing any Flower to the Mysterious Somebody. Do you think I do not remember the so-called 'Lofty Skies insanity'? Do you somehow imagine that I have forgotten the horrors that Nurse Hyrax - and doubtless many others who did not live to tell the tale - underwent?

For your information - though this is, as you might say, 'all in the files' anyway - telepathic controls have long allowed for Hornbeam's people to build 'artificial limbs', animal-like robotics which feel and operate like the real thing. Feeding and oiling a fire-lizard is well within my capabilities.

No doubt you are about to suggest that 'mechanical add-ons do not count as touching'; that would imply a severe lack of insight on your part. Touch only has meaning because of the mind behind it, and my mind is far more capable of making contact with a fire-lizard's than one of my agents'. Just ask the Queen Anne's Lace and that Daisy if you don't believe me.

-The Lichen, Head of Department, Implausible Crossovers

P.S: You speak of 'very long life' when you plan on giving eggs to humans? Tsk. Regardless, the Medical Research Division has almost completed the [That information is classified, sir. We don't know who's reading. ~Duros Black]

To: RC 999 [console349376sn2066720bc102875.rc999.DIC]
From: Teyala Solnerii [tsolnerii.console18513hr51394713br2346.rc580.OPS]
CC: Jennifer Robinson [jrobinson.console3114ps94394fp42865.rcC-14.FICPSYCH]
Subject: Re: Cafeteria Bulletin

Agent Ilraen,

I can agree to that! And you're right about the tabletop game; I'm both part of it and close friends with the agent who acts as the regular game master. If you pass the interview process, I'm sure he would be happy to grant you a spot at the table.

As for getting into the gathering place itself, name a good time for an introduction. We can meet at the Nursery and walk to the location from there. Dress in formal wear (or as formal as possible).

Thank you again!

Teyala Solnerri
Department of Operations - Nursery

((OOC: I think the definition of "formal" is stretched a little bit in the PPC, thanks to all the non-humans and non-humanoids running around. Also, I just found out that DO was already used in an ICEP abbreviation as opposed to OPS. Ah well; I think OPS just sounds/reads better.))

To: RC #999 [console349376sn2066720bc102875.rc999.DIC]
From: Agent Desdendelle [0.4342944819.console.ayugiohcard]
CC: [jrobinson.console3114ps94394fp42865.rcC-14.FICPSYCH]
Subject: Re: fire-lizards?

Salutations, Ilraen.

The lightsaber had less description than is right; I'm afraid the fic didn't even bother to mention its blade's colour. You can, however, play it like a guitar — not that I tried. I like my fingers where they are, thank you very much.

As to Icingdeath — it is, indeed, a copy of that Icingdeath, though due to the author's confusion it also shares some of Twinkle's attributes. As mentioned, I have not tested it, but the sapphire in its pommel seems to wink in and out of existence.

~Des

PS: There you go, that's ESL for you. The equivalent expression in Hebrew is indeed להחזיק אצבעות, to hold one's fingers.

((But that would be lying.))

hi. bosh made me promise to be very, very good. i won't try to hug them or make loud noises until the bond thing is complete, promise.

Bosh here. I'm actually surprised, because Guk actually agreed to be civil for once! Just in case, I have a sleeping spell handy, but judging from the effort Guk has been making, I don't think I'll need it. Perhaps this means more to him than I thought - he never focuses like this unless something is of great importance to him. I do not know much about the Impressions common to the species in question, but I agree that it's logical that it would bond to only one of us... this could be an issue, and I'll have to discuss it with my counterpart if our offer is of interest. Guk wants to add something - the next section is his.

hi again. do these lizards sometimes have more than one head? i think that would be nice. both of us would be able to have our very own lizard friend that way. plus we would know how to feed it and what it's like for burnie. i wonder if he would argue with his other head too?

Bosh again. Thanks for your time. I'll do some research into the process of Impression - perhaps some answers could be found, even if we are not to be the owners of these creatures.

((This is quite interesting to think about. How WOULD that work, anyhow? I do love fleshing out both heads though. 'tis fun!))

Dear Agent Ilraen,

There is no doubt in my mind that the Notary would be amenable to such an arrangement; indeed, she was the one who suggested it. She felt, and Wobbles concurred, that a more tangible benefit would be agreeable to you, rather than the miscellany of Suvian gimcracks that people are on record as offering in similar situations, which has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that they declined to swipe anything from their previous missions, with the exception of a Suvian AAT-mutated combat toaster currently being studied by our mutual friends in. I agree with the Notary, for my part -- something I'm given to understand happens rather rarely. I'll ding her presently

Thank you for reading,
Barney Bradstow-Chapman,
Director of Children's Programming, A/V Division.

---

To: Agent Ilraen-Aroline-Fothergill, DIC
From: Spinel Promotor Notary, Continuity Council of Gallifrey-In-Exile [rassilonssaggylefttesticleanyonebuther.console2A5B9C05A1E1.rc1875.DF]
CC: Jennifer Robinson [jrobinson.console3114ps94394fp42865.rcC-14.FICPSYCH]

Agent Ilraen-Aroline-Fothergill

I am given to understand that you have considered my offer and not found it wanting. This is well. I do not personally believe that the accumulated gimcracks of a career in canon maintenance is acceptable as trade goods for a living being, but I understand that I am very much in the minority here, with my colleague in the majority. She wanted to give Agent Supernumerary and his children, if any, a guest spot on her program; I managed to dissuade her. I will assume a note of thanks is in the post.

To clarify my basic position in this matter, I am willing to correct clerical errors, expedite them, make sure they are read, offer assistance in bureaucratic preferred styles and the navigation of the PPC's comparatively simplistic filing system, and ensure that any and all censures are delayed, held back, sent to the wrong subcommittee, sent to the right subcommittee from the wrong supracommittee, lost, found, lost again, and buried in a peat bog for nine months. Do forgive my lapse into human media for that reference; the clown has been on at me to engage more readily with "World One" culture, and I am deathly afraid that some of the mud thrown at my proverbial wall is beginning to stick. This will last for one calendar year as of the transaction. A full list of services is available in the attached file marked 15-B.

Finally, I am extremely gratified to be remembered by yourself and your partner. People very rarely see the benefit of properly-completed paperwork, and I hope that the guide was of as much benefit to you as I intended.

I remain,
Yr. obdt. svt.,
Antrilovorasilendar (the Notary),
Spinel Promotor of the Continuity Council of Gallifrey-In-Exile,
Agent, Department of Floaters,
Sane for official purposes (aggressive personality disorder and depression noted but within one standard deviation of good health, full details of FicPsych report for both her and Agent Wobbles available in attached file XV-)

---

((He's entirely real, despite his... apposite name. However, it's not him doing it; the Notary is merely au fait with his style and is capable of mimicking it. Did you really think she's not capable of making an ICEP message look like it came from somewhere else? ^_~

Also, this is part of the backup plan. It makes her seem slightly less monstrous if she was offering to do it for her partner, but afraid that her reputation might cause her (quite rightly) to be ignored. Would anyone believe her if she said right off the bat that she was doing it for Wobbles? Of course not. However, if you reframe the conversation thus, her reputation works to her advantage. The only snag is that she'll have to bring the clown along to the Impression.

Finally, convert the alphanumeric string in the Notary's console string from base-16 to base-36. I don't think you'll be disappointed. =] ))

To: RC #999 [console349376sn2066720bc102875.rc999.DIC]
From: [ebrightbeard.console773945eb097374bt19873.rc1986.APD]
CC: Jennifer Robinson [jrobinson.console3114ps94394fp42865.rcC-14.FICPSYCH]
Subject: Dat Paper

Hey dere. I'm dat Dwarf dat ya know and kinda like, I tink. I hear ya got some kind'a lizard dat breathes fire. Bein' a Dwarf, my beard is probably fire proof. Can I get one'a dem? Um...lad?

-Totally Da Dwarf

-------------------------------

To: RC #999 [console349376sn2066720bc102875.rc999.DIC]
From: [ebrightbeard.console773945eb097374bt19873.rc1986.APD]
CC: Jennifer Robinson [jrobinson.console3114ps94394fp42865.rcC-14.FICPSYCH]
Subject: Please ignore previous message

I apologize for my uncouth partner. I'm lucky that I check my messages regularly and that he forgot to log out of my account after trying to game the system, as it were. I assure you, I will find some creative way to make his life difficult for as long as it takes for him to learn his lesson.

However, I am also interested in your offer. Though my beard is not in fact fire-proof, I do take measures to make it fire-resistant when working the forge. Which brings me to my trade offer; I can make for you all manner of metal implements. I recall that neither of you are particularly fond of combat, so likely won't want arms and armor. However, I can supply you with tools and various other things if given good references and schematics.

I will also keep my partner as far away from you all as is possible, free of charge.

Humbly,
Eamon Brightbeard, Knight of the Rubber Pocketknife

To: Agents Alleb and Jesse
From: RC #999 [console349376sn2066720bc102875.rc999.DIC]
CC: Jennifer Robinson [jrobinson.console3114ps94394fp42865.rcC-14.FICPSYCH]
Subject: Re:

Agent Alleb,

Hello! Thank you for your interest. We are not familiar with your Realm or its dragons, but we would be interested to learn more. In turn, our friend Jenni will tell you more about fire-lizards. (I believe she is even now writing an informational pamphlet to hand out to all the prospective Impressors before the hatching takes place.)

Neither of us is much interested in combustion firearms, but I quite like the sound of the daggers you describe. We would accept one masterwork dagger per egg, one for you, one for your partner. I do not know what an equivalent value of one dagger is where you come from, but my partner says that the value of a fire-lizard is more or less akin to the value of a purebred companion animal from a reputable breeder on World One. Perhaps your partner would understand?

Please let us know if you accept this deal or if you would like to make another offer.

Agent Ilraen
RC 999
Department of Implausible Crossovers

(( Yes, I am going to write a pamphlet in Jenni's voice to help out everyone who's not very familiar with Pern. There might even be graphics if I get really invested. ^_^ ))

To: Supernumerary and Ilraen-Aroline-Fothergill (console349376sn2066720bc102875.rc999.DIC)
Cc: Nurse Jenni (jrobinson.console3114ps94394fp42865.rcC-14.FICPSYCH)
From: Alex Dives (adives.console050102ky332761.rc007.DOSAT)
Subject: Inquiry about fire-lizards

I saw your notice in the Cafeteria and I'm definitely interested! I'm an intern with DoSAT and have pretty regular hours, so hopefully that's good enough for you!

I have red the original Dragonriders of Pern trilogy as well as the Harper Hall trilogy, so I also know a fair bit about fire-lizards and how to care for them.

In return, I can offer up some bits of Sue tech rescued from the field: I have an extra laser spanner that needs fixing up (unfortunately, it shines blellow at the moment; I'm trying to fix it, but if I can't, I hope that isn't a problem), a freeze gun that encases the target in a block of ice for several minutes (it leaves no permanent or lasting damage, as far as I can tell), and a tricorder that's a little bit beat up, but I can get to work on fixing that up if that's what you're interested in.

Thanks for your time!

"You only gave them two?"

Dafydd stepped back from his new doors and frowned at his wife. "Yes? Plus the Magnetonic Pressure Oven, of course."

Constance seemed to be on the verge of waving her arms about in distress. "And what are we going to do with the rest?" she demanded. "I hope you're not planning on keeping them!"

"Two fire lizards in the house is enough for me," Dafydd assured her. "I thought we'd... you know, do what we always do? Drop them off on a beach somewhere over on Pern?"

Constance reached up to stroke the gold fire lizard perched on her shoulder. "You know how much that always upsets Hera, though."

"And Ilwion always settled her down again." Dafydd cocked his head. "There's something else, isn't there?"

Constance's lip twisted. "Tanfin's been asking for one of the eggs."

"So we tell him he can't. I don't really see the-"

"I did tell him he can't." Constance scowled. "I told him he can't, because we're sending them to the PPC."

"... ah." Dafydd reached out and drummed his fingers on the carving of Smaug on the doors. "We could lie?"

"He's far too good at seeing through us." Constance threw out a quick grin. "Takes after his father..."

"I dunno, you always caught onto my fibs pretty quickly."

"Past tense?"

"Shh." Dafydd considered the situation. "So... what do we do?"

"Simple." Constance pointed at the hidden door to the technology-filled basement. "Get back on the line to the horse-dude and tell him he can have the lot."

"And what if he doesn't-?"

"Correction: tell him he's having the lot, whether he wants them or not."

I haven't yet figured out who--probably Edgar or Agent____t, really--but I have such fond memories of that series.

I think I'll wait to hear if there'll be more than two eggs, and think about who would do best with one of them while I do that. Let's see what happens.

~DF