Subject: BURN IT AT THE STAKE! (nm)
Author:
Posted on: 2015-07-13 19:00:00 UTC
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The Horse abuse fic is on hold pending my finding one... by
on 2015-07-13 17:01:00 UTC
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...and I'm claiming this name-stealing Sue first.
"Nessa is an ordinary Elf who travels with the Ranger Aragorn. Until she goes to Rivendell with four Hobbits, will she meet the love of her life on this adventure or will she never trust again?"
There are mini-Balrogs, what looks like mixed Grelvish and Elvish, and a Code 10. Oh, and a CAF to rescue. -
. . . Confucius says by
on 2015-07-13 19:43:00 UTC
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NO!!!!!!!
Help me Santa... Help me Jesus Christ... Help me... SANTA CHRIST!!!!
This is... just... oh, just terrible! C___C -
BURN IT AT THE STAKE! (nm) by
on 2015-07-13 19:00:00 UTC
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Glurgh. by
on 2015-07-13 18:08:00 UTC
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She endures 500 years of torture, and then she runs away from Elrond because she doesn't like his rules? Barf. As if Aragorn would be any less strict about behavior in the field, too. In his life, you do things right or you get killed. Stupid biddy.
That said, this appears to be one of those annoyingly boring fics that mostly just copies the plot of the movie line for line. I hope something canon-breaking actually happens in the story, or you're not going to have much to PPC.
~Neshomeh -
Okay, never mind that last bit. by
on 2015-07-13 18:36:00 UTC
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I read on to chapter ten. She officially got me mad when she claimed to have been cut by a shard of Gimli's axe so badly that she passed out from blood loss, and yet neither of the trained healers she talked to beforehand noticed the heavy, probably arterial bleeding until it was too late. And then despite such a serious wound, they still let her go on the quest and it's like it never happened. Not to mention the fact that getting hit with the shard in the first place is enough to make her cry, despite aforementioned 500 years of torture.
Not to mention the Boromir-bashing and casting Elrond as some sort of rules tyrant. Blech.
... And then in chapter thirteen, Legolas thinks to himself, "I hated going underground, all Elves did." Uh, Middle-earth to Legolas? Did you forget that you grew up in underground caverns? *snerk*
~Neshomeh -
*spittake* by
on 2015-07-13 17:11:00 UTC
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"Family handed her over to Sauron when she was a young child."
Kill it. Kill it with fire. -
"SAURON IS NOT ACCEPTABLE DAYCARE!" by
on 2015-07-13 17:57:00 UTC
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(You can have that if you want. =] )
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The straw that nearly broke Khamûl's back by
on 2015-07-13 23:31:00 UTC
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I made my way down into the vaults beneath Dol Guldur, hurrying as much as I could but dawdling as much as I dared. My Master's summons had been urgent yet ominous. If he were planning to take full control of my mind again, robbing me of what little free will he had recently gifted me, then I was in no rush. At the same time, I feared angering him into taking such a decision.
Fortunately, my fears were for naught. My Master was intently studying some papers on his desk and didn't notice my arrival. I waited just in the chamber entrance, uncertain of whether to cough or speak to draw his attention. I even glanced down to make sure I was wearing my robes, though he of all people was able to see us without them.
After what seemed an age, he raised his head. Although his helmet concealed his face, as usual, there was something about his movement that suggested his brow was creased with worry. "Do you have any idea how much it costs to run an army?"
"No, my liege." I stepped forward into the room.
"A lot." He paused. "More than I can afford, it seems?"
"But what about the pillaging, sire? Doesn't the army pay for itself after a while?" No sooner had the words slipped from my mouth than I wanted to bite my tongue. Who was I to question my Master?
Thankfully it must have amused him to tolerate my rash words. "Oh, it will pay, eventually, once the war starts in earnest. But until then, my funds are in short supply. What I believe the humans call a 'cash-flow problem'." He pronounced the unfamiliar words with undisguised contempt, then paused and sighed before continuing. "I've even been forced to start a second job as a Necromancer to raise a bit of extra money."
"A wise move, my liege," I said hoping to make up for my earlier words.
"No. It was a bloody stupid move. I totally misunderstood the 'target consumer base demographic'."
"Sire?" I tilted my head, trying to read the papers on the desk, hoping they might explain the strange jargon.
"Look at where we are. To one side is Mirkwood, and the other is Lothlórien. We're surrounded by Elves. Immortal Elves. The one people who have no use for any Necromancy!" He slammed his gauntleted fist down on the desk. "What was I thinking?"
Uncertain of what to say, I made a vague shrugging gesture, and waited for him to continue.
"However, I have a new plan." He rose from his seat and started to pace the chamber. "Elves breed rarely, and when they do the children grow slowly. This means that the parents need to give them care for many more years than parents of other races, and that they hardly ever have the experience needed to provide such care."
"True, sire, but I fail to see..."
"Simple. My latest business venture is an exclusive, upmarket boarding school for children of Elven nobility. We'll charge a top-whack, premium fee to look after their little brats all the way from birth to adulthood." Pride filled his voice, and he stood, hands on hips looking at me. "Our first pupil is due to arrive later today - Nyssa or Nessa or something like that - and there are more to follow."
"How are you proposing to raise these children, my liege?"
"Me? I'm not planning to have anything to do with them at all, if I can help it. I'm heading back to Barad-dûr, putting as much distance between myself and them as possible." He extended one arm towards me. "That's why I sent for you, Khamûl."
"M-m-me?"
"Yes, I'm promoting you. Congratulations. You're the new lieutenant of Dol Guldur, in charge of running this place in my absence. Good luck."
(Sorry about that. The idea just got into my head and wouldn't leave me alone until I'd written it down. But I promise that in future I'll leave this sort of thing to those with the talent to do it!)
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But you got the talent to do this. (nm) by
on 2015-07-14 19:23:00 UTC
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Thanks. You're very kind and very polite but... by
on 2015-07-14 21:09:00 UTC
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My prose style is a clunky, clumsy mess.
Let's take the sentence I hated the most: "If he were planning to take full control of my mind again, robbing me of what little free will he had recently gifted me, then I was in no rush."
Even I can see that's really, really bad prose. It just doesn't flow. The trouble is, I've no idea how to fix it. I don't even know what's making the sentence so ugly in the first place. I made various changes, but they were all just as bad. The right words didn't fall into place.
And there are a couple of other sentences that were nearly as bad. (I won't point them out, since you must've spotted them yourself.) That's three failures in one very short piece. Face facts, I'm just not good at turning my ideas into words. -
Well, I couldnÂ’t have done it better. by
on 2015-07-16 10:06:00 UTC
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Of course you may insist that this doesn’t say much, because I’m not a native speaker, and I already admitted that I trust my analytical abilities more than my story-telling skills.
Anyway, keep trying. I’ll try too.
HG