Subject: But what's the context?
Author:
Posted on: 2015-06-30 15:13:00 UTC
I can't imagine Voldy and Palpy have just been dropped into an arena together with an unbreakable compulsion to fight each other, so how do they even meet?
Someone, somewhere, referred to the most recent Star Trek movie as Star Wars: Into Darkness, claiming it was set on the planet Urth in the Star Wars galaxy. Ha ha, funny review, but let's take that and run with it. The Harry Potter series actually takes place on a planet in the Unknown Regions, shortly after the rise of the Galactic Empire.
An Imperial scout ship happens upon the planet, and by total fluke lands in England, right next to Voldemort's hideout. This is Voldemort at the height of his regained power, I guess - somewhere in Book Six? I don't know, I never read that far.
So what would Voldemort do about the human-form high-tech alien who's just landed near him? Um... short out his shuttle due to ambient magical fields, probably! Then I guess probably kill him on general principles.
But what's this? Another total fluke, and Palpatine was paying special attention to that scout (it was an envoy to contact Mitth'raw'nuruodo of the Chiss Ascendancy, since you insist on knowing), and noticed it had gone missing, and where. He sends down a probe droid, which also fails - but not before capturing long-distance footage of the grounded shuttle and Voldemort's base.
Now, this anti-technology field is something Palpatine can get behind. Imagine building a giant space station to project it onto a planet - a sort of 'Stone Age Cannon' if you will (Sidious' note to self: have to think of more awesome name). The inhabitants would be either rendered defenceless, or adequately punished for a minor transgression, at much less expense than dropping a fleet of Star Destroyers on them. So Palpy sets a high-altitude watch over Urth, and specifically over England, to see how Voldemort is making it.
The observations reveal that Voldemort is clearly employing some kind of Force technique, albeit one not mentioned in Sith records; he is also manifestly a Dark Side user, which makes him both a potential ally and a potential threat. Hmm.
Palpatine is regrettably unable to use Vader in this endeavor (technology, you know), so he instead slips one of his Hands onto Urth. Let's make it Mara Jade. She's tasked with getting close enough to Voldemort to figure out which category he falls into: ally or threat.
How does she do? That depends on a few questions I don't have the answer to:
1/ Are there magical 'wards' and alarm spells in Harry Potter? If so, Mara can't spot them (since they aren't actually based on the Force - that's just Sidious' interpretation), and gets caught when she tries to sneak in. Since she's never been noted for the strength of her Force abilities, unless she can sneak back out again she probably gets AK'd.
2/ If she succeeds in sneaking in, Mara will need to draw a conclusion about Voldemort's stability. How likely would he be to accept an alliance? Palpatine has previously 'allied' with indigenous Force users (such as the Nightsisters), and ensured they never leave their planet. But... Voldemort's never struck me as the most stable type. I think Mara would classify him as 'just wants to watch the world burn'. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
In the event that Mara either dies, or tells Sidious an alliance is impossible, Sidious probably decides to wipe the slate clean. Is there a spell to counter orbital bombardment? Mmm... probably not. Sidious wins.
If Mara proposes an alliance, she'll probably be in charge of negotiating with Voldemort (since she's already on the ground, has the defensive skills to keep her safe, and has the added help of possibly reading his mind). That alliance will consist of the Empire sending non-technological supplies to Voldemort (armour? Spice? Money?), while Voldemort sends someone up to the orbiting ship to teach Palpatine about their form of 'magic'.
No, says Sidious, I wouldn't dream of asking you to come yourself - you're much too busy in your exceptionally worthwhile war against Dumblewarts.
Which may lead to a temporary victory for Voldemort, if he sees through Palpatine's plan to keep him on Urth forever and sends, for instance, Bellatrix Lestrange. If she can act sane for long enough to reach Sidious' presence, she could probably hit him with an AK before he can react, killing him. It's a suicide mission, but it should work.
But that is a temporary victory. Let's be generous and assume that Palpy's death causes the destruction of his ship (he's a load-bearing Sith Lord), so there's no immediate retribution. But... Palpatine has clones waiting to take his spirit. Unless Voldemort can get away from Urth before the Emperor comes back, he and his entire planet are toast.
(And could he? That depends on the precise effect of magic on technology. I suppose with some delicate use of the Imperius Curse Voldy could claim an Imperial supply shuttle and its crew... but why would he bother? He doesn't know that Palpatine can come back.)
In the end, Darth Sidious wins. He either nukes Voldemort from orbit, locks him into an alliance which never lets him get off Urth, or dies, comes back, and then nukes Voldemort from orbit.
Sith Lords don't fight fair. And they don't fight hand-to-hand if they can possibly help it.
hS