Subject: Amazing, as always.
Author:
Posted on: 2015-06-18 12:01:00 UTC
The 'paint-in-her-hair' scene had me giggling.
Subject: Amazing, as always.
Author:
Posted on: 2015-06-18 12:01:00 UTC
The 'paint-in-her-hair' scene had me giggling.
And a Doctor Who one, to boot! This time, Rina and Zeb take out "Rassilon's Little Brat".
(He doesn't seriously kiss the TARDIS console in the show, does he? That would be weird even by Time Lord standards.) Love the mental image of a) the Sue with paint in her hair and b) a Dalek steering with its plunger. I always wondered how they built ships and stuff.
Quick thing, though...
"Her eyes widened when the Sue started being chased by mechanical hounds."
This doesn't flow well. Try something like "Her eyes widened when a pack of mechanical hounds came out of nowhere and starting chasing the Sue."
Again, great work, and I like where you're taking Rina and Zeb's characters/camaraderie :)
...pats and strokes parts of the TARDIS, but I do not recall him ever kissing it. Ever. Toilet plungers Manipulator arms are mysterious things. :D
And ooh, I like that. I shall use that, if you don't mind.
The 'paint-in-her-hair' scene had me giggling.
I had to stop writing for a moment when I noticed the typo. It made me giggle, too. :P
The agents suddenly found themselves standing in said chamber; luckily, none of the canons noticed the two people wearing soldiers’ uniforms who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
What chamber? I didn’t see any mention of a chamber before this. It was probably edited out, but you kept the reference.
HG
Heh, yeah, there was a badfic line that I cut out there. Nice catch. Fixx'd. :)no it's not like I had Easter eggs of a different kind why would you say that
I felt like the pacing on the mission was a little fast, but I don't blame you for ending it where you did. Overall, I really like what you're doing with Rina; I'm starting to see the trajectory between this Rina and the Aviator of Ten Years Hence. You have a real flair for character development.
One possible typo - She reached for the second, but Zeb shook his hands and held up a paw. I think maybe you meant head instead of hands?
The ironic thing is I made a note on my phone to remember to fix that. Ehehe...
And her arc is still developing. Zeb will be getting one soon, but his is a lot more... let's say mellow. >:)