I don't know that it's bad, per se

So, a question about narration. by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-06-11 17:18:00 UTC Reply

I have a tendency to lapse into what I like to call "Thomas was Alone" narration. It's a rather odd way of narrating where dialog is avoided as much as possible, and the narrator describes how the characters are feeling, along with their surroundings. I'm actively trying not to do this. Is this an okay way to narrate?

Try making it purple or urple prose! by radioactiveSue on 2015-06-12 16:44:00 UTC Reply

Make that urple prose as obnoxious as possible. Then compare between the beige and urple prose, and balance it all out.
I'm not sure if my suggestion will help, but I hope it does.

Huh. by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-06-12 18:04:00 UTC Reply

I might try that.

I don't know that it's bad, per se by Tira on 2015-06-11 20:18:00 UTC Reply

I know I struggle with describing actions and not letting things turn into an MST, with nothing but dialogue. But dialogue is a major way to portray character interaction, and it would be very weird if there isn't any.

One thing you could try doing if you want to move away from a style you think you overuse is to force yourself to write in the opposite style. For example, I made myself write a fight scene to get away from Talking Head Syndrome. So if you think you need to work on adding more dialogue, try doing a scene that's nothing but dialogue. It's not necessarily a better style, but it'll make you branch out.

You see, that's my other problem. by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-06-12 13:50:00 UTC Reply

When I'm not Thomas was Alone-ing, everyone is on a Featureless Plane of Disembodied Dialogue, and are Talking Heads. So... yeah.

Here's a trick to try. by Neshomeh on 2015-06-12 17:39:00 UTC Reply

Try writing dialogue without using dialogue tags (he said, she shouted, etc.). Instead, show who's talking by giving them an action. For instance:

Bob sighed and leaned up against the mossy stone wall. "So, where to next?"

"I dunno." Alice sat down cross-legged on the grass and ran a hand through her hair. It got stuck in a tangle and she shook it out with a frown. "What do you think?"

"Well, the Sue is off to Isengard, but her stupid pink pegasus is going to have a sappy rendezvous with Shadowfax. If we follow it, maybe we can kill it now." He grinned, and his hand unconsciously stroked the pommel of his purloined Andúril replica.

Alice regarded her partner and bit her lip. "You don't think you're getting a bit bloodthirsty, do you?"

"Who, me? No way! Though I do hear horse steaks are good on the grill, and this one has flight muscles, which ought to be extra-good. If we let the carcass drain properly, that should take care of any excess glitter . . . ."

---

I'll stop there, or this might accidentally turn into a whole story. ^_^; See what I mean, though?

~Neshomeh

Hey, it's Alice and Bob from the examples! by DawnFire on 2015-06-12 19:21:00 UTC Reply

They finally got personalities :D

~DF

PS: ...pink pegasus/Shadowfax sap? /shudders/

Hm... by Desdendelle on 2015-06-11 17:26:00 UTC Reply

Basically, I'd reckon unless our hypothetical Thomas is a Trappist monk in a Trappist monastery, such narration should be avoided. People talk and not showing that kinda makes stories seem weird.

Okay. by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-06-11 17:41:00 UTC Reply

By the way, Thomas was Alone is a really great indie game, that's how the narration in that game is.

Thomas Was Alone? I love that game! by Silenthunder on 2015-06-12 03:28:00 UTC Reply

So simple and yet so touching...