So, I remembered a Cats the Musical fic I'd found long ago and re-found it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6307523/1/How-I-met-the-Jellicles

I'm re-reading it and I'm speechless. I vote that this one goes to the Unclaimed Badfic section.

She says in an author's note that "in this story, Cats the Musical doesn't exist." That's like writing a Harry Potter fanfic and then saying Harry Potter doesn't exist.

She and her Lust Object (Mungojerrie) fall in love with each other instantly. Then it's implied they have sex, and she says she never wants to go back home. She whines about how she's always bullied at school, even though we only see some name-calling. An author's note reveals that the making-out scene was dreamt. Remind you of anyone?

She calls the Rum Tum Tugger messed up. TUGGER. Excuse me, but he's supposed to be the flirtatious heartthrob. That's his role!

Mungojerrie is bent horribly into OOCness.

None of the Jellicle Tribe do a thing when Macavity shows up.

And.... SHE AND MUNGOJERRIE DO THE PAX DE DUES!!!! As any fan knows, this duet dance is done by Plato (who is rarely switched out for another sometimes) and Victoria. It's an important part in the Ball Dance. The queen in the dance is always Victoria, no ifs ands or buts!!!