Requesting concrit.

Grumble, grumble.

It’s hard to come up with something more than generic praise, and "Insert generic praise here" isn’t funny anymore if I do it too often. I realize that I tend to fall back into lurking mode and not comment at all when I can’t nitpick on errors that escaped the beta reader(s). That’s bad. Good writers should be made aware that I don’t ignore them.

*More grumbling.*

Ah, nitpicking. I remember now that there’s actually a point where I hesitated for a moment, but I was so immersed in the story that I didn’t want to pause and take a note. *Rereading*

A light show exploded as Bellatrix went on the attack, her eyes bright with mad glee as she shrieked insults between her spells; she'd cornered her niece at last, and nothing was going to stop her from wiping the stain off the family tree for good now.

Up to here and after it again, it’s all from Tonks’ POV. But in the second part of this sentence, are we suddenly in Bellatrix’s head? Is an omniscient narrator jumping in to explain Bellatrix’s motives, or is this a plausible conclusion Tonks can come to? I don’t know how to do it better; it just doesn’t feel perfectly right.

Should I tell you how much I like what you did with Ginny Weasley? Realizing that she doesn’t need to be there took me even longer than finding the One Flaw, because teaming her up with Tonks is so fitting for both characters that it just seems to come naturally.

HG