Subject: Re: A bit of self-promotion. (Firefly fans esp. welcome)
Author:
Posted on: 2013-02-06 12:51:00 UTC
Looks good! I think it captures River's moods well and Simon's protectiveness of her. It reads well too, fairly fast paced for a story which is really a shot of someone's thoughts over a small time frame!
Three thoughts/queries (only my opinion so please feel free to tell me where to put them!):
i) I'm assuming this is set early in the canon as the crew haven't discovered River's past or the fact that she is extremely dangerous in the wrong (or maybe right) situation?
ii) Simon was also very determined to protect his sister, even going to the point of breaking her out of an Alliance high security (and secret) facility. I'm not sure his determination and resourcefulness come across fully.
iii) I may be wrong (I haven't watched the series in years) but wasn't there a safe word to turn off River's violent outbursts? I think Simon knew the word and used it in Serenity(though feel free to correct me on this point if I'm wrong). If so I assume this is not the words Simon had to find to calm her when frightened or violent?
Hope that helps!