Caitlyn and Vi left the bar, and Jayce soon afterward.
Not being a native speaker, I’m not sure whether this is acceptable grammar, but to me it looks like there should be a verb somewhere in the second part of the sentence.

...but his the fact that he seemed to be spitting out every word he said indicated that he wasn’t quite all there
"his" should not be there.

Give my hugs to Valon and Kala.

HG

*gives Valon, and you, a hug* Seriously, Mad Props for taking it on. I don't do graphic violence any more than I do zombies. (Which means not at all unless it's cartoony.)

Very well done! :)
I didn't catch much of anything that was wrong - though don't be surprised if someone else does (it's happened before. ^^:)!
*Hands you some nm'nms*