Subject: No torture like Sue torture.
Author:
Posted on: 2013-02-01 02:06:00 UTC
Hee, these Sues amuse me greatly. But, EPC staging area? I feel as though I'm missing something there...
Either way, I like eet. And I like that you showed some interaction between the Sues before bring FF and Naya in. It made the whole thing seem more realistic.
Hey there! Welcome to another episode of the mini-series based on another mini-series. The technical term would be mini-series2, but I’ve had a bit of trouble having it recognized by the Système Intenational as a true metric unit. Ah well.
For more on the main mini-series, go and get your daily dose of (Un)Intelligence here. Enjoy with moderation!
I’ve been toying with doing something more or less big with the DoI for quite some time, so I’ll just pitch this idea here and see where it will take me.
Canonicity optional.
- - - - -
Department of Intelligence datanet
>Login
>>BOARD OVERRIDE DETECTED, GRANTING FULL ACCESS
>Personnel/S/Sub Rosa/IntelUpdates/URGENT/Architeuthis/Message:EPCactivity
>>Message:
Ma’am,
The DIA has raided the suspicious SEP-shielded camp we discovered in Mirkwood two hours ago. It turns out that it was actually an EPC staging area for the Tolkien ‘verse. Two Enforcers of the Plot Continuum agents have been captured and a third one was killed during the fight. I have personally overseen the team sent to salvage and dismantle the camp.
Technician Frank Wolff of the DoSAT has remarked that some of the machines acquired during the raid were specifically designed to interfere with our portal and comms channels. None of the devices had been assembled yet, but their activation would have restricted our ability to portal agents into badfics.
We have also recovered some books and paperwork at the camp, most of which describe surveillance techniques and even some observations on some of our own agents (see attachment). By the looks of it, they have been monitoring our movements in the Tolkien ‘verse for about two weeks.
The two captured operatives, Yazzmine Moonweaver and Jess’ca Sunhammer, are Suvian-positive according to DMSER tests, but their Glitter levels are far below normal levels: 56% as opposed to +70%. The scientists theorize this is to lower the risk of detection by the C-CAD’s Glitter detection suites. If they were to hide amongst the Sues we normally encounter, they would be painted as low-priority targets.
The EPC is at our gates, ma’am.
Orders?
--Architeuthis, Spy First Class
>Personnel/A/Architeuthis/Mailbox/URGENT/SubRosa/Re:EPCactivity
>>Message:
Architeuthis,
Meet me in my office at 23:00 HST sharp. Bring Bulldog. I have an idea for dealing with EPC scouting parties.
On a somewhat related subject, do you think you are ready to lead a division?
--The Sub Rosa, Department Head
>DepartmentList/Security/InternalAffairs/Private/TopSecret/EmptyFolder/NothingHere/DoNotClickOnThisFolder/Stop/Areyousureyouwanttodothis/GOAWAY/
[[[AUTHENTICATING]]]
>>SecurityFootage/Cell4/19:30HST
>>>> Play
[The two EPC agents are seated at a table in the middle of an empty interrogation room, their backs to the door and facing a two-way mirror. Both of the Suvians’ hands and legs are cuffed to the table with heavy-duty chains.]
EPC Agent # 1: So... we really messed up. How did she see through the camp’s SEP field? I thought that Forgemaster said it was foolproof.
EPC Agent # 2: Well, he’s just a regular stupid old engineer, right? You know that everything he makes doesn’t work. I took basic engineering at the Enforcer Academy --finished at the top of my class and graduated three months early, of course-- and made a few modifications to the generator...
EPC 1: You tampered with the field settings. Yazzmine, what did I tell you about messing with the equipment?
EPC 2: Well, I was only trying to make them better, Jess’ca. Okay, so maybe I overdid it with the shield hue and opacity settings...
EPC 1: Why did you do this? Better yet, how did you do it? An SEP field doesn’t even work that way!
EPC 2: Hey, I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition--
[The cell door is suddenly kicked open. An Earth pony jumps into the room and strikes a pose. A female quarian follows, carrying a tray of cafeteria goop in her hands. She carefully shuts the door behind her.]
Fire Flash: NOPONY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
Naya’Keegan: [Whispering, kneels to FF’s level] I thought we were going to do the ginger beer sketch.
FF: [Whispering, holding pose] Not enough drinks left in the fridge. Taldaris is having one of his taste-test sprees again. S’ides, they don’t look like Disc agents.
N’K: [Whispering, straightens up] Point taken. [To the EPC agents] Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements such as: surprise, fear, um...
FF: [Whispering] Ruthless efficiency.
N’K: Ruthless efficiency and... Er... Um... [Looks at Fire Flash]
FF: [Facehoofs] Naya, we just watched this sketch in the break room.
EPC 2: I’m sorry, are we interrupting--
FF: Shut up, we’re doing comedy.
N’K: I told you we should have gone with the ginger beer sketch.
FF: Oh come on, she teed it up perfectly! [Sighs] Fine, let’s get on with it. Rack, fluffy pillows, comfy chair, the horror, the horror, blah blah blah. End sketch.
EPC 1: Are you here to torture us?
N’K: [Looks at cafeteria food] Well--
EPC 2: We won’t tell you anything! We’ve been trained for years in pain resistance and mental discipline. Do you worst!
EPC 1: It also doesn’t help that I… [She twists to the left] am… [She twists to the right] an… [She lurches violently backwards] escape artist! [She tries to pull her hands free, but the manacles hold] What? But that always worked before!
FF: FYI, this is a Reality Room. Even Houdini would have some trouble with this getup. Look, we’re only here to feed you, so sit still while Naya shovels pasta into your mouth.
[Naya places the tray on the table. The bowls of goop start oozing ominously, as if on cue.]
EPC 1: Pasta?
[Naya stares closely at the food.]
N’K: Actually, I think it’s yesterday’s cornered beef sandwiches. What do you think, Flash?
EPC 2: Wait. What do you mean, “cornered” beef?
FF: If you look closely, you can see that the meat is perfectly cubic. Cubes are made of corners, so cornered beef! There’s an Enderman working in the Cafeteria, see...
[The EPC agents stare at her blankly.]
FF: Oh come on, that was at least a bit funny, right?
EPC 2: No.
FF: Naya, start with her.
N’K: [Jabs a spoon into the bowl of cornered beef sandwiches, which makes a sucking noise] Say “aaah.”
EPC 2: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--
N’K: [Dumps contents of spoon into EPC 2‘s mouth] Bah, close enough.
[End of recording.]
I'm a bit dubious about the, er, actual possibility of it - as I recall, the whole point of the Mirror Multiverse was that it was incredibly hard to get to - but I still found the story(let) fun to read.
hS
As for the EPC-lands-in-the-Prime-multiverse thing, I was inspired by mirror!Ontic's claim that the EPC was planning to take over the Prime multiverse. I figured that if Sues can bend space-time and create the most impossible geological aberrations, then a determined team of Sue-scientists might one day create a plothole big enough to hop across dimensions.
The thing is, if I do go ahead and write about the EPC crossing over into the Prime multiverse, I'm going to create a new DoI division.
I'm not sure if that would be too big of a change for the Department, so I'm open to opinions and ideas just to be safe. The actions of this new division shouldn't affect the operations of any other branch of the PPC, so.... yeah.
... the key question is whether it's something that would reasonably come under Intel's wossname. Because if it starts impinging on, say, the DES' role, then I suspect Captain Dandy would have A Few Words to say to the Sub Rosa... even though he does usually get on with her.
But if it's something Intel-y, then I can't see it as a problem. Since, y'know, you've already /written/ the place as a virtually new Department...
hS
...is a division that is trained to go out and search for EPC activity in the Worlds, shadowing their agents and looking for bases. A direct intervention would definitely fall under External Security's jurisdiction, so there's inter-department cooperation involved.
I appreciate the input! I'll get right to it...
It's not something I would have pinned on Intel - sounds more like the DES to me - but fortunately, I'm not the Arbitrator of All That Is PPC. Because there isn't one. :P So if you think it works, you can write it. And if anyone doesn't think it works, they can ignore it. That's the fun of a non-compulsory shared 'verse...
hS
It's fun... I'm gonna read the rest!
Hee, these Sues amuse me greatly. But, EPC staging area? I feel as though I'm missing something there...
Either way, I like eet. And I like that you showed some interaction between the Sues before bring FF and Naya in. It made the whole thing seem more realistic.
The EPC is setting up shop in the multiverse, bringing in equipment and supplies for their agents. That way, their operatives can sit out in the field and take notes on PPC agents' comings and goings, lurking the background...
Thanks for the input. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
EPC is the evil mirror image of PPC is what I'm saying.
(Obscure Spiderman movie reference, woot)
Well why dinnae you say so?
-IIIIID!
I love your work, and I love how dedicated Fire Flash is to comedy. Also, "cornered beef." I thought it might have been typo-based cuisine, gotta watch out for that, but it's at least equally funny the way it is. ^_^
I am interested in seeing where you go with this, if only because I trust that it will be hilarious. I almost feel sorry for the EPC. They won't know what hit them!
~Neshomeh
I think I'll follow up on this in the next Gaspard story.
Stay tuned for On the Sub Rosa's Secret Service!
Hmm, interrogation methods are not what I expected here... XD
I also loved the file name. Nothing suspicious at ALL in Security's Internal Affairs folder, nope, mm-mm.