*deep breath*

Subject: *deep breath*
Author: Jaster
Posted on: 2015-03-20 21:04:00 UTC

Hi there fellow Agent I'm so very glad to meet you what with being stuck in a stupid Suefic for so goshdarned long oh my gosh let me tell you of all the horrid things that happened but wait maybe that's best left for another time as your robot voice friend seems befit on keeping things succinct and honestly really does have a point in the breathing bit so stop--

*intake of breath; formal bow*

And enjoy the sound of each word flowing from such eloquent lips from time to time. Do keep in mind that I speak babble. Another useless trait of mine, y'ken.

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*krrrzzzttt* -think anyone can hear me... *ksshhhhh* -llo? by Jaster on 2015-03-20 19:44:00 UTC Reply

*tweaks a few knobs while thumping on the mic*

Hello? Yes? Is this better?

Oh thank the vortex! Haha! I survived! Ten long and nasty years stuck in the same damned place, but NO LONGER!

...wait, you mean to tell me you don't recognize me? I, well, come to think of it, many of you look unfamiliar to me. Well, I suppose a change in the roster should be expected after so long. *sigh*

Do forgive me, my manners are a bit rusty. Ironic, as Thren used to be the more blunt one, but then again...

I am Agent Jaster. I was recruited in to the force circa 2004. Proudly serving the Continuum, I aided in the slaying of many Sues running amok. That is, until those awful years of college and real life and marriage, and - wait, none of those are relevant, are they?

Just give me a few minutes and I can find my way out of this accursed control room. Let me just tidy myself and...

Oh, but I must look atrocious, yes? Dear me, yes. Anyone have a razor? Nail-clippers? Deodorant?!

(Oh, but it is good to be back. Any oldies still lurking that remember little ol' me?)

Welcome back! by Cassie on 2015-03-24 00:09:00 UTC Reply

You wont know me, but it's good to meet an old oldbie at last! :D
Welcome back! by eatpraylove on 2015-03-22 04:18:00 UTC Reply

*gives razor, shampoo, and nail clipper* Nice to meet you! Have a delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwich!

Oh, excellent. by Jaster on 2015-03-23 18:15:00 UTC Reply

You... don't want any of these things back, do you? I may have to burn them. The taint of Sue is still strong on me, so I don't advise sharing with anyone else once I'm done with them.

And I cannot emphasize with enough italics how long it's been since I've had a PB&J, so thank you! :)

Have a welcome-back plover! by Tawaki on 2015-03-21 19:25:00 UTC Reply

Note: It is NOT num-nums!

I--- okay. by Jaster on 2015-03-23 18:13:00 UTC Reply

*makes note to never mix the two*

Well, I'll be darned. by VixenMage on 2015-03-21 08:43:00 UTC Reply

I'm nodding off right now, and on the Board but infrequently these days, but this was a thread I could not pass up. Especially since I barely keep tabs on the old FB profile anymore.

It's good to see you, man. {hugs}

:3 by Jester Jaster on 2015-03-23 18:02:00 UTC Reply

*hugs to you*

Thought I might see you here. Yeah, you've been pretty quiet on the FB front, but I figure you have other stuffs to do.

Ah, yeah, complications. by VixenMage on 2015-03-23 18:50:00 UTC Reply

To be honest, I switched profiles some time ago, and have only slowly been switching contacts over. It's a lot more political in nature, and a lot more… uh, open, about gender and suchlike. So I keep the old profile open to go back and look through friends' posts.

Anything you'd be comfortable... by Jaster on 2015-03-23 19:05:00 UTC Reply

...adding me to? You know me and know I won't make a fuss. :)

I s'pose, aye. by VixenMage on 2015-03-23 21:06:00 UTC Reply

It was a combination of factors - this started out as my "professional" profile, when I was an editor for the college paper, then slowly became the college-friends profile, then the profile where I was out of the closet, then the other profile slowly atrophied, and I have been migrating contacts but slowly. There are people - family, mostly - where I have actively decided that for the sake of our relationship they will never be added, because I often find the knock-down drag-out political fights tiresome over time.

But, tl;dr, no, I have no problem adding you. : )

...and Herp by Jaster on 2015-03-23 18:03:00 UTC Reply

There I go, forgetting to change my name back.

Welcome back! by Elcalion on 2015-03-21 04:34:00 UTC Reply

I think you were still hanging around the board when I joined back in early 2005.

Great to see you back!

Have a welcome-back mongoose and a barrel of Bleeprum to celebrate.

Elcalion

Indeed! by Jaster on 2015-03-23 18:12:00 UTC Reply

I remember your name from my days I had moved from active to mostly-lurker.

The Bleeprum I had surely has run past its expiry date, so thank you for that and--

*mongoose'd on the leg*

Welcome back! by Edhelistar on 2015-03-20 23:55:00 UTC Reply

I have never met you and you have never met, but anyway, here, have this replica of the One Ring that works as a two-way radio and an AM/FM radio receiver!

Yes, but is it blutooth? by Jaster on 2015-03-23 18:11:00 UTC Reply

But nice to meet you all the same.

Sadly no, but offers direct mental conection to Sauron! (nm) by Edhelistar on 2015-03-23 23:56:00 UTC Reply

Oh, wow! Hi! by Neshomeh on 2015-03-20 20:15:00 UTC Reply

I think you were probably around when I joined, but it was so long ago I have no idea if we ever talked. Still, I know you by reputation as one of the sporkers of Honesah Hoononee Keemo. In fact, I was under the impression she'd driven agent!you 'round the twist. Glad to see that's no~~longer~~t the case.

Things have undoubtedly changed a lot since you were last here. Fortunately, some folks were smart enough to put together this handy FAQ: For Returnbies for just such occasions. I hope you find it helpful. Let us know if it isn't, and we'll try to make it better.

Welcome back! ^_^

~Neshomeh

Why if it isn't Nesh! by Jaster on 2015-03-20 20:20:00 UTC Reply

Of course I remember you. Glad to see you around. And if my eyes don't deceive me, I spotted Huinesoron's name about as well.

Thank you for the FAQ; I wasn't even aware that this was a thing. Got it with a wave of nostalgia this week, which is what I think knocked me loose from that fic vortex of Time & Space*. I'll read up and see just how dated I really am.

* - no relation to Doctor Who, sorry

Watcha. by Huinesoron on 2015-03-20 21:04:00 UTC Reply

Whatcha? Wotcha? How is that supposed to be spelled?

Yep, I'm still here - and I remember you! In fact, my jaw dropped when I saw your name, and I called to Kaitlyn (who, by the way, I married back in '08) 'Oh heck, Jaster's back!'.

She remembers you as 'that dude... with a girlfriend'. I remember you as 'that dude... who I think I made an icon for once'. But you are remembered.

Welcome back!

hS

...Wotcher? by Jaster on 2015-03-20 21:10:00 UTC Reply

And a hearty congratulations to the two of you. I seem to remember a few LJ posts re: The Wedding, but I may be mistaken. I've even dropped from lurking on there for quite some time, so ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Threnody is no longer in the picture in the grander scheme of things, though whether she returns of her own accord is entirely up to her. I manage to find a ring on my finger all the same, however, in '09, so there's that. Oh, and a dog. Dog does things. Like conspire against me in my own household. Dog thinks he's a cat, but I know better.

And yes, I still have the icon, so thanks again. I shall treasure it always. :3

Hwacha? by Neshomeh on 2015-03-20 21:14:00 UTC Reply

No, wait, that's something entirely different.

Congratulations! I too got hitched, in 2011. You might see Phobos around the Board sometimes, but he's not too talkative. ... Which is really weird to say, since the exact opposite is true in person: he talks, and I'm the quiet one. {X D

Amusingly, I have a cat that I have taught to sit and sometimes even stay, when he feels like it. Yay species-confused pets!

~Neshomeh

Kvvchoh? by Jaster on 2015-03-20 21:24:00 UTC Reply

I believe this calls for something different.

You and Phobos eh? (Congrats, btw!) His name I unfortunately cannot recall; was he one of the Ancient Ones along with you and I? Or is he an Agent-by-Proxy in marrying you? :P

And yes, I tend to be more talkative in prose myself. Of course, if I'm comfy enough with you, I don't mind blabbing. Perhaps too much... >_>

Watches? by Phobos on 2015-03-20 22:31:00 UTC Reply

I have always been here.

Or I got here in 2008. Depends on who you ask.

-Phobos, always watching.

Uohtza? by Huinesoron on 2015-03-20 21:14:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, LJ's pretty quiet these days (though I started posting again this year ^_^); these things happen.

Congratulations right back (also: haha, beat you). Yeah, I know a dog who thinks she's a cat... o'course, she was raised with two cats to alternately glare at her and bolt past her, so it's hardly surprising. (She also has an overwhelming hatred of motorbikes...)

hS

Hrrznah? by Jaster on 2015-03-20 21:20:00 UTC Reply

What kind of world is this that dogs are cats and cats are dogs? Did I step back into the right dimension?

An Aside: This is feeling more and more like a high school reunion... and, to be perfectly honest, that's not too far off the mark (for me, anyway).

A good thing, really. I've been feeling pretty nostalgic recently, and also frustrated with my writing skills. Will definitely want to practice, and what better way to do that + take out frustration by killing Sues and correcting canon?

Should you get back into sporking... by Iximaz on 2015-03-20 21:28:00 UTC Reply

It never hurts to have cute animals and beer, right?

Yep, hS is still kicking around. by Iximaz on 2015-03-20 20:24:00 UTC Reply

But wow, that was you who sporked Honesah? *checks the Wiki* Ermehgersh, it is! Neat!

..Wait... you said WIKI? by Jaster on 2015-03-20 20:49:00 UTC Reply

*checks it himself*

My God, I have my own wiki article?!

Oof. hS has really been busy, hasn't he?

Feel free to add to it! by Neshomeh on 2015-03-20 21:01:00 UTC Reply

It's your character's article, after all, and there's not much there at the moment.

And actually, hS hasn't touched that one. Looking at the page history, it was created by Tawaki (a.k.a. Korora), then edited at various times by JulyFlame (who created the wiki in the first place), Calista (a.k.a. Chaoticidealism), and me. ... I do a lot of wiki'ing. So does hS, but he hasn't done all of it. {= )

~Neshomeh

Neat-o by Jaster on 2015-03-20 21:12:00 UTC Reply

So many hands, so much to sanitize. j/k j/k

Still, I plan to get back into the field... though perhaps more in the Harry Potter and/or Star Wars realms. Assassination will still be the name of the game. That said, I will be needing to find a replacement partner. Will be doing some catching up and research until then.

Mmmostly Neshomeh. by Iximaz on 2015-03-20 20:56:00 UTC Reply

It might have been her who put up the article; she's the Wiki Queen, after all.

Is she indeed? by Jaster on 2015-03-20 21:00:00 UTC Reply

Nesh, you have impressed me. Fine work, ma'am. I mean... Your Majesty! :3

Oh no. Now Baron Nesh is going to get ideas... by World-Jumper on 2015-03-20 21:52:00 UTC Reply

People of Plort, beware. Once the barons get ideas of becoming kings or queens, tyranny is short to follow.

Also, hello! You would have no reason what so ever to remember me, as I joined in 2013 or so. 2012? My, how time has flown. Should you stick around, you'll find me as that guy who never writes anything, promises to write everything, rambles about ponies, and occasionally posts sharks.

Since you are a returnbie, you surly know that I shall give you a gift. So, as an Ancient One, I give you a hobble-stick. It summons dogs.

Quickly, Knight Jumper! by Lady Iximaz on 2015-03-20 22:05:00 UTC Reply

Before the Baroness of Wechi can stage a coup! We must alert the others! :P

At once my lady! by Knight Jumper on 2015-03-20 22:17:00 UTC Reply

Let me just... Come on, Twilight! Settle down, will you? Just let me... Ooft! What has gotten into you, girl? Easy there, easy, shh, there now.

Lady Iximaz, you may want to check your stables. It seems there may be a snake's nest inside. We can handle that after we warn the other barons, however.

((You know, I'm sure Jaster is reading this, thinking, "What happened while I was gone?"))

*bells continue jingling* by Jester Jaster on 2015-03-20 22:21:00 UTC Reply

*backflips; sits cross-legged with a stupid grin on his face*

Honestly, Ser Knight, I move with the wind - *sways* - going where it takes me. Is it here? Is it there?

Oh dear, is this a snake in my pants? I dont feel that happy to see anyone...

((I learned long ago not to be surprised by anything on this board.))

That's why I love this place. by Iximaz on 2015-03-20 22:28:00 UTC Reply

It's the first thing I check when I wake up in the mornings. You never know what the day is going to bring!

*bells jingle* by Jester Jaster on 2015-03-20 22:12:00 UTC Reply

I have no clue what any of you are on about.

*handstands out of the room*

The Protectorite of Plort! by World-Jumper on 2015-03-20 22:23:00 UTC Reply

The PPC community medieval AU! No, not the agents and Sues, the community. You and me. The board. As a country in the fantasy realm of Weab, on the island Konti-Nyuum.

It's... Complicated. Here's the wiki page, it should help a little.

Huh, Seems that link failed. by World-Jumper on 2015-03-20 22:27:00 UTC Reply

Just follow the one Iximaz gave. Who, speaking of which, darn you! You stole the explanation from me! Friggin ninjas...

Teehee. by Iximaz on 2015-03-20 22:30:00 UTC Reply

~~I learned from Rose Potter~~

It's not like I compulsively check the Board every five minutes, nawp.

This is you, right now. by World-Jumper on 2015-03-20 22:35:00 UTC Reply

Here you go! A link! by Iximaz on 2015-03-20 22:20:00 UTC Reply

Presenting the Protectorate of Plort!

Oh lord. {X D by Neshomeh on 2015-03-20 21:04:00 UTC Reply

No need for that! I am but a humble archivist who enjoys order and repetitious tasks that most people find incredibly tedious. ^_^;

~Neshomeh

Glad to see I have a rep! by Jaster on 2015-03-20 20:32:00 UTC Reply

And it's not one that makes people run in abject terror!

Neat! :D

Welcome (back) to Creation, here's your shovel. by Voyd on 2015-03-20 20:13:00 UTC Reply

Have a +2 shock shovel.

Oh goodie! by Jaster on 2015-03-20 20:15:00 UTC Reply

My last shovel had +4 Ineptitude so this is a definite plus in my favor. Huzzah!

Re: Oh goodie! by Voyd on 2015-03-20 20:22:00 UTC Reply

The "shock" part means it deals electrical damage to whatever you smack with it.

Does it? by Jaster on 2015-03-20 20:31:00 UTC Reply

I thought it meant it adds to the fear factor of anyone seeing my weathered mug (read: face). Still better than Ineptitude, I say.

Ah well, I can find enjoyment in electrocuting my foes as well.

Thanks all the same!

Hello! *glomp* *poke* by Iximaz on 2015-03-20 20:02:00 UTC Reply

Since I wasn't around to welcome you the first time, take this plate of SPaGhetti and this honking pocket dog! If the uurple bow around its neck becomes too much, feel free to remove it. :P

Welcome back!

However did you know? by Jaster on 2015-03-20 20:05:00 UTC Reply

Uurple is my favorite! You didn't read my agent report, did you? The creep factor would be really high if you did, especially since the only file was in my control room...

And thank you. It will take a bit for me to survey the changes and see where I'm needed.

Welcome back! by SkarmorySilver on 2015-03-20 19:45:00 UTC Reply

Even though I haven't ever heard of you before... Anyway, here, have one of my own shed feathers and a complimentary kit of Spikes! Careful, they're both pretty sharp XD

Re: Welcome back! by Anonymous on 2015-03-20 19:49:00 UTC Reply

Oh, dear. At least it's not another shovel. I still have the other--

*glances at the rusted scrap in the corner*

--err, well. Ahem.

But yes! Thank you. I shall add these to my existing armory. I'm sure they'll find their use at some point...

Oh dear... by Jaster on 2015-03-20 19:51:00 UTC Reply

Seems that it's more than my shovel that's turned to rust. Here I am fading in and out of anonymity. Where am I, 4chan?

And no, I've been stuck in a LotR nightmare fic for 10 years. It's not like I've lost my grip of current events. Pfft.

"Don't worry, Dack and/or Jaster! Help is on the way!" by Agent Wobbles, DF on 2015-03-20 19:57:00 UTC Reply

"Lemme see if I can get this - Agent Notary! We need another console!"

"... You touched it again, didn't you?"

"I was only trying to help-"

"And you failed. Leave it to the professionals in future."

"Uh... you prolly can't hear this, Agent Jaster, but I'm really sorry..."

*heard everything* by Jaster on 2015-03-20 20:06:00 UTC Reply

Sorry, what did you say? *thumps mic* Blast this dated thing. Still runs on dial-up, I swear.

"You did? HIYA!" by Agent Wobbles, DF on 2015-03-20 20:52:00 UTC Reply

"Um, um, I don't know how long I've got because I touched the console and parts of it are leaking something and I don't really know what it is but it's blue and glowy and smells like a potato full of old gym socks but anyway I wanted you to know that help is definitely coming as soon as we figure out where you are and that I'll definitely make sure you get back okay and if you need a sponsor for a FicPsych program then I'm your girl and and and-"

"Human, kindly remember to breathe during your babbling. Or asphyxiate, really, either suits me."

*deep breath* by Jaster on 2015-03-20 21:04:00 UTC Reply

Hi there fellow Agent I'm so very glad to meet you what with being stuck in a stupid Suefic for so goshdarned long oh my gosh let me tell you of all the horrid things that happened but wait maybe that's best left for another time as your robot voice friend seems befit on keeping things succinct and honestly really does have a point in the breathing bit so stop--

*intake of breath; formal bow*

And enjoy the sound of each word flowing from such eloquent lips from time to time. Do keep in mind that I speak babble. Another useless trait of mine, y'ken.

"Do you indeed." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-03-20 23:14:00 UTC Reply

"I had not guessed. You have recently been speaking to my field partner, Agent... Wobbles. She is a clown. And silly."

"Yeah, the difference between us is she thinks that's a bad thing for some reason. Time Lords. Whatcha gonna do?"