...wat.

Subject: ...wat.
Author: Iximaz
Posted on: 2015-03-19 21:52:00 UTC

Okay, okay, I'm cool. Lemme vomit up my thoughts.

So, the story starts off in Araluen, but the wonky characterization happens almost immediately. Will and Alyss is a canon pairing, but shortly after they were married, Alyss died in a fire. Charlotte/Charlie is an OC and I'm finding her obnoxious. Then Will getting all worried about Halt- understandable? Yes, but for god's sake, the Rangers go off on secret missions all the time! But no, he just has that stupid 'gut instinct' that nobody actually has. Oy vey.

Mirabelle? WTF? Horace and Cassandra had one daughter, Madelyn. Where the heck did this Mirabelle come from? (Yes, yes, it's a stupid question and I don't care UGH.)

The fact that the girls refer to Halt as 'Grandpa Halt' is... I mean, I could see them having that sentiment since Halt basically became a father figure to Will, but I really doubt he'd put up with being called 'Grandpa'. Getting a very definite Sue vibe from those two girls.

And who are Vereor and Venatora? Don't tell me they're Legolas' wife and kid oh god whyyyy

Will nudged Tug forward, scanning the ground for any prints. Luckily for him, Halt's kidnappers didn't bother to hide their passage and all Will had to do was follow the trail of broken branches. WHY IS HE SCANNING FOR PRINTS IF HE CAN FOLLOW THE BRANCHES WILL U STUPID AGH

Before he knew it, he burst out into a clearing and saw that he was hurtling toward the edge of a cliff. He tried to slow Tug down, but it was too late and he found himself tumbling down into the dark waters below. RANGER HORSES ARE VERY HIGHLY TRAINED WHY DID ONE JUST RUN OFF A CLIFF BAD TUG REPLACEMENT BAD BAD BAD

...Halt was taken by Orcs. Unless there were like a hundred of them Halt could beat them. Seriously. What.

I can't read this. Unless you want to spork it, and in that case I'd be happy to provide Pocket Fictionary blurbs, but... Dear God, this is so bad.

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OFU beta readers wanted! by Iximaz on 2015-03-18 16:27:00 UTC Reply

I'm starting the Araluen Fanfiction Academy (for the Ranger's Apprentice fandom) and would like to have someone, or maybe several someones, check it over before I post it on the Pit. Knowledge of RA isn't necessary, just general SPaG checks.

Thanks in advance! :)

Chapters one and two are now up! by Iximaz on 2015-03-19 00:37:00 UTC Reply

The Araluen Fanfiction Academy is now open for enrollments! (And hey, if anything, a few PPC agents to help keep the fanbrats in line are always welcome.)

I'mma just leave this here... by Scapegrace on 2015-03-19 21:48:00 UTC Reply

Name: Frida Rossetti

Hair: Grubby blonde, unmanageable, generally resembles a nuclear haystack.

Eyes: Teal. Shut up, at least they're not purple or whatever, that never happens in real life.

Species: Human. Nothing special. Or, er, "speshul"? Did I pronounce that right?

Have You Ever Written a Mary Sue? Y/N: Uh, uh, n-no? I don't think so? I, I just like naming people after artists please don't hurt me I'm sorry I know I'm bad-

Have You Written Slash? Y/N: ... don't tell, please, please don't tell him, but he'll know...

RA Country of Origin: Um, Lyme Regis... that's in, um, England.

Number and Titles of Books You Have Read: Um, none? I'm sorry, there hasn't been time, I just heard about it from my - my friend, and, and what with school and Dad's church stuff and everything I haven't had a chance, I'll do it, I'll find the time, I'm sorry!

Lust Object: ... he'll know. He'll know, if I say, and he'll know I've been bad. I'm not a bad girl. I'm not!

---

An agglomeration of how I used to write, complete with art references I thought were deep, abusive histories I preferred to allude to rather than have impact the character, and my unhealthy obsession with the colour teal. I haven't read a single Ranger's Apprentice book, so I have no idea how it'd work, but I thought it might be interesting to have someone who's there because her homelife, to her, is worse.

God, but I'm cruel to my creations.
Make sure you keep backups. by Neshomeh on 2015-03-19 17:36:00 UTC Reply

I'm pretty sure FF.net doesn't take kindly to "interactive stories," so there's a risk that you'll get reported for taking applications in the comments. Just so you know.

As such, I'll leave my application here:

Name: Nestael

Hair: Dark brown and wavy, long

Eyes: Brown, flecked with green and grey

Species: Dúnadan

Have you written a Mary Sue? Y/N: No way, Nesta is not a Sue! She totally has flaws!

Have you written slash? Y/N: Nope, but each to their own.

Species: [Did you know you've got "Species" on here twice?]

RA country of origin (Araluen, Skandia, Hibernia, etc.): Rhudaur, Arnor (WTH are the rest of those? Isn't Hibernia another name for Scotland or something?)

Number and titles of books read: Depends on if you count LotR as one or three. The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and The Silmarillion. Plus, you know, lots of other books, but that's probably not what you mean?

Lust Object(s): She fell in love with an Elf who wouldn't have her, and she will never love again. She greatly admires Aragorn and Halbarad, though.

Behold, one of my old embarrassments; an RP character bio complete with pretentious shlock writing and godawful old artwork. (And that's after I had sought PPC feedback on it and made some improvements.) Because no OFU would be complete without that one fannit who completely missed the point. ^_~

(And Hibernia is actually the old Roman name for Ireland, which I had to double-check. I decided to let fannit!me get it wrong.)

~Neshomeh, who couldn't resist.

No worries. I have a GDoc backup. by Iximaz on 2015-03-19 18:23:00 UTC Reply

And yeah, I looked up Hibernia when I fist read the first book. I can't wt the image of Halt with an Irish accent out of my head. :3

Thanks for the application! You're not the first to 'confuse' the question about the books thing. Oh, fanbrats, you so silly. (Seriously though, the number of elves running around in RA stories is ridiculous. There are only humans, Wargals, and Kalkara and that's it.)

Good. {= ) by Neshomeh on 2015-03-19 18:59:00 UTC Reply

Just to be clear, my idea for this character is that she thought this had something to do with Middle-earth. She has never read or probably even heard of Ranger's Apprentice. She probably got the application by posting a LotR story in the wrong section of FF.net, because her character is a Ranger's apprentice... just not the right sort. She'll be in for a nasty shock when she realizes she has zero chance of meeting Aragorn—unless you're planning a crossover chapter to cover the differences between types of fantasy Ranger. I wouldn't be surprised if people mix them up, deliberately or otherwise.

... And if you do do that, you can borrow Nurse Mirrad to talk about Babylon 5's sci-fi Rangers, iff'n you like. I might be the only one who would find that amusing, though. ^_^;

~Neshomeh

Speaking of crossovers... by Neshomeh on 2015-03-19 19:30:00 UTC Reply

I just had to look. I'm a little stupid like that, I guess. And I found this: "A Journey Across Two Lands" by Direwolfgirl and flipy010, a LotR x RA crossover. Or so it says. I dunno where the RA characters end up, but it sure doesn't sound like Middle-earth to me. O.o I can't judge the RA portions, since I haven't read the series, but if they're as messed up as the LotR stuff, then all I can say is YIKES. What's your take on it?

~Neshomeh, morbidly curious.

...wat. by Iximaz on 2015-03-19 21:52:00 UTC Reply

Okay, okay, I'm cool. Lemme vomit up my thoughts.

So, the story starts off in Araluen, but the wonky characterization happens almost immediately. Will and Alyss is a canon pairing, but shortly after they were married, Alyss died in a fire. Charlotte/Charlie is an OC and I'm finding her obnoxious. Then Will getting all worried about Halt- understandable? Yes, but for god's sake, the Rangers go off on secret missions all the time! But no, he just has that stupid 'gut instinct' that nobody actually has. Oy vey.

Mirabelle? WTF? Horace and Cassandra had one daughter, Madelyn. Where the heck did this Mirabelle come from? (Yes, yes, it's a stupid question and I don't care UGH.)

The fact that the girls refer to Halt as 'Grandpa Halt' is... I mean, I could see them having that sentiment since Halt basically became a father figure to Will, but I really doubt he'd put up with being called 'Grandpa'. Getting a very definite Sue vibe from those two girls.

And who are Vereor and Venatora? Don't tell me they're Legolas' wife and kid oh god whyyyy

Will nudged Tug forward, scanning the ground for any prints. Luckily for him, Halt's kidnappers didn't bother to hide their passage and all Will had to do was follow the trail of broken branches. WHY IS HE SCANNING FOR PRINTS IF HE CAN FOLLOW THE BRANCHES WILL U STUPID AGH

Before he knew it, he burst out into a clearing and saw that he was hurtling toward the edge of a cliff. He tried to slow Tug down, but it was too late and he found himself tumbling down into the dark waters below. RANGER HORSES ARE VERY HIGHLY TRAINED WHY DID ONE JUST RUN OFF A CLIFF BAD TUG REPLACEMENT BAD BAD BAD

...Halt was taken by Orcs. Unless there were like a hundred of them Halt could beat them. Seriously. What.

I can't read this. Unless you want to spork it, and in that case I'd be happy to provide Pocket Fictionary blurbs, but... Dear God, this is so bad.

More wat wat wat wat wat by Iximaz on 2015-03-20 03:54:00 UTC Reply

Twenty Orcs. Twenty Orcs kidnapped Halt. Uh-huh, I'm so sure. *froths at the mouth and throws things* WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO THE GREATEST RANGER OF ARALUEN???

If we do a collab on this, may I suggest finding the real Tug and have him kick Silens' head in? The frickin' Sue is able to ride and tame him without the code word. Ranger horses are trained to buck off anyone who doesn't tell them a special code word, and she tamed him. I wanna barf.

Then Will getting his arrows on or 'towards' the bull's-eye? Unacceptable. He'd hit the bull's-eye every time, because Rangers are Just That Good.

Also the AFA will be getting Redmount the mini-Kalkara, woopee.

Legolas, Aragorn, and Arwen all came across as horribly OOC to me, as well. Lots of modern slang that even I know has no place in LotR, or RA, for that matter.

Can you make out what is with those V-named chicks with the pet wolf and fox? I can't figure out how they fit into the story.
Jeez, OC party. by Neshomeh on 2015-03-19 22:47:00 UTC Reply

That's, what, at least five OCs? Charlie, Mirabelle, Vereor, Venatora, and Silens (who is a speshul half-elf to boot, yay)... I suspected as much, since not too many medieval-England-expy girls go by "Charlie." {= P Sheesh.

Since that's definitely the case and it's mostly RA-verse, I don't think this is a job for my guys. If I can turn your offer around, though, I'd be happy to provide a DIC agent to back up you or anyone else who wants to take it. Cuz seriously, this is mission material if I've ever seen it.

I know you've got a lot on your plate with Rose Potter and your OFU, so if you don't want it I'll put it up on the Unclaimed list.

~Neshomeh

Ehrm. by Iximaz on 2015-03-19 23:04:00 UTC Reply

I would love to take it on, but I don't know the LotR 'verse as well as I'd like... plus I wouldn't feel comfortable writing any of your agents (only you can capture the badassery that is Nume, and I wouldn't be able to do Ilraen justice), but this is so totally mission-worthy...

Go ahead and put it in Unclaimed. I might take it later.

Well, there's always collabing. by Neshomeh on 2015-03-19 23:14:00 UTC Reply

Which is actually what I meant, but worded it in a confusing way. Oops.

Still, I'll stick it on the list, and if it's still there when you get around to it, let me know. {= )

~Neshomeh

*eyes wide* by Iximaz on 2015-03-19 23:25:00 UTC Reply

OHMIGOSH YES COLLAB

*cough*

If that's okay with you, that is.

Of course. by Neshomeh on 2015-03-20 16:58:00 UTC Reply

I suggested it, didn't I? {= ) *baps*

... I tried really hard to find a pony meme with the sense of "I am not all that so please calm down," but I couldn't. How weird is that? I thought there had to be a pony meme for everything. O.o

~Neshomeh, who seriously isn't that big a deal. ^_^;

Pardon me and my hyperactivity. by Iximaz on 2015-03-20 17:05:00 UTC Reply

Ehehe... ^^;

Anyway, I think I'll have Rose Potter finished by May, and you have my email, so... yeah. :} Once Rose is over, I'm ready whenever you are.

Iximesh confirmed for adorable. Sorry Darkotas. =] (nm) by Scapegrace on 2015-03-19 23:35:00 UTC Reply

-Insert pony-related meme here- by Desdendelle on 2015-03-19 23:38:00 UTC Reply

No, I won't actually say it. I'm not that cheap and I think everybody knows which of them I'm thinking about.

MEMES! by Iximaz on 2015-03-19 23:40:00 UTC Reply

Memes? by World-Jumper on 2015-03-20 22:33:00 UTC Reply

aaaaaaaaAAAAAHHHHH by SeaTurtle on 2015-03-20 22:51:00 UTC Reply

I only post the dankest of memes. by World-Jumper on 2015-03-20 23:03:00 UTC Reply

...I'm so sorry.

I-is... by SeaTurtle on 2015-03-20 23:18:00 UTC Reply

Are those... Why is... That cap...

This has to stop.

Hey... by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-03-21 19:51:00 UTC Reply

What are all these ponies? Now excuse me while I dive for cover from the onslaught of brightly colored and talking animals.

Hehe, you're giving me ideas. (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-03-19 19:22:00 UTC Reply

Huzzah and good luck! (nm) by eatpraylove on 2015-03-19 16:11:00 UTC Reply

All right, thanks! (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-03-18 20:59:00 UTC Reply
I would be happy to help by Dragon master 7 on 2015-03-18 20:06:00 UTC Reply

John Flanagan is one of my favorite authors. My email is on the PPC a beta readers directory.
I can take a look. by Desdendelle on 2015-03-18 17:15:00 UTC Reply

You already know my email.
I can help! by Darkotas on 2015-03-18 17:07:00 UTC Reply

I can double check the RA canon as well if needed.
If you just need general SPaG checks, you know my address. (nm) by Hieronymus Graubart on 2015-03-18 16:47:00 UTC Reply
I just started that series, and it's great so far! by Silenthunder on 2015-03-18 16:39:00 UTC Reply

I finished the first book awhile ago, but I keep forgetting to continue.

When you start the Academy, let me know! I'd like to enroll, if it would work out.
I can do it by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-03-18 16:29:00 UTC Reply

So long as you do not need it today, I can do if for you.