Subject: Re: Mission
Author:
Posted on: 2013-01-30 21:09:00 UTC

I've seen this fic before, but . . . Egh. Urgh. Blargh. Why.

The author just changed so much about the Potterverse, it stops feeling like a Potter anything at all. The entire plot is doomed to fail, because it creates a paradox. Very simply: Harry has a sucky life, causing him to go back and "fix" it, causing the new, young Harry to have a wonderful life, which would remove the cause for him to have gone back to fix it in the first place.

Then again, Avenging!Harry is so clearly not Harry, perhaps it would have worked, since the real child Harry grew up to be thrown into a plothole. Then Avenging!Harry could keep on changing the timeline all he wanted, in an eternal cycle of putting wrong what once went . . . not quite as wrong. You two did a great job of showing off all the ways in which Avenging!Harry was a replacement, through his speech, behavior and mannerisms. This is probably one of the worst examples we've seen of an OC coming into a canon and actively trying to do as much damage as possible!

Especially annoying to me were all the ways living wizards were able to manipulate things after death in the fic. The afterlife was always treated in canon as an utter unknown, but Avenging!Harry was able to affect Ginny and Dumbledore's existences just by speaking sentences, and he was absolutely certain of what he had done. It's downright creepy.

Heather, Ted and Kayla all have very distinctive personalities, and I barely had to pay attention to the "said Teds" and such because of how well their dialogue communicated their characters.

During the charging process, when Heather kept claiming to hear something after the replacement!portrait's moans, I thought for sure it was building up to some terrible danger about to interrupt the charging/assassination. My expectations were all built up, waiting for the surprise to come . . . and then everything went off without a hitch. Perhaps I failed to get a joke? Or maybe this mystery is to be answered in a future episode?

I didn't understand how Ted knew where the plothole containing Harry's family was, until I read the extended charge list and saw that the cave that contained it had been ignored throughout the entire fic. You might want to make that more clear in the mission, since not everyone would read the extra materials.

A couple of mistakes I saw:

"'Especially the portrait of one of Hogwarts most beloved headmasters.'" "Hogwarts" needs an apostrophe at the end.

"The group of agents were gently tipped to the ground in what appeared to be a very clean Kings Cross Station." "Were" should be was (the group was) and "Kings Cross Station" should be "King's Cross station" (So sayeth Wikipedia).

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