Re: Mission by
doctorlit
on 2013-01-30 21:09:00 UTC
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I've seen this fic before, but . . . Egh. Urgh. Blargh. Why.
The author just changed so much about the Potterverse, it stops feeling like a Potter anything at all. The entire plot is doomed to fail, because it creates a paradox. Very simply: Harry has a sucky life, causing him to go back and "fix" it, causing the new, young Harry to have a wonderful life, which would remove the cause for him to have gone back to fix it in the first place.
Then again, Avenging!Harry is so clearly not Harry, perhaps it would have worked, since the real child Harry grew up to be thrown into a plothole. Then Avenging!Harry could keep on changing the timeline all he wanted, in an eternal cycle of putting wrong what once went . . . not quite as wrong. You two did a great job of showing off all the ways in which Avenging!Harry was a replacement, through his speech, behavior and mannerisms. This is probably one of the worst examples we've seen of an OC coming into a canon and actively trying to do as much damage as possible!
Especially annoying to me were all the ways living wizards were able to manipulate things after death in the fic. The afterlife was always treated in canon as an utter unknown, but Avenging!Harry was able to affect Ginny and Dumbledore's existences just by speaking sentences, and he was absolutely certain of what he had done. It's downright creepy.
Heather, Ted and Kayla all have very distinctive personalities, and I barely had to pay attention to the "said Teds" and such because of how well their dialogue communicated their characters.
During the charging process, when Heather kept claiming to hear something after the replacement!portrait's moans, I thought for sure it was building up to some terrible danger about to interrupt the charging/assassination. My expectations were all built up, waiting for the surprise to come . . . and then everything went off without a hitch. Perhaps I failed to get a joke? Or maybe this mystery is to be answered in a future episode?
I didn't understand how Ted knew where the plothole containing Harry's family was, until I read the extended charge list and saw that the cave that contained it had been ignored throughout the entire fic. You might want to make that more clear in the mission, since not everyone would read the extra materials.
A couple of mistakes I saw:
"'Especially the portrait of one of Hogwarts most beloved headmasters.'" "Hogwarts" needs an apostrophe at the end.
"The group of agents were gently tipped to the ground in what appeared to be a very clean Kings Cross Station." "Were" should be was (the group was) and "Kings Cross Station" should be "King's Cross station" (So sayeth Wikipedia).
Nicely done! by
OpinionedAngel
on 2013-01-30 17:18:00 UTC
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Seriously, I'm all for having an opinion about certain characters... though I can't help but think that certain opinions should NOT be shared. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with some people?!
Anyway, good mission, I really liked the Rocky Horror reference and the Stuman bit.
That was beautiful. by
Lynne Lloyd
on 2013-01-30 03:41:00 UTC
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Oh, my. But thank you!
What an awful fic. You say that was the first chapter only? Oh dear goodness.
I really love your agents. They worked well together as characters.
Whatever did happen to the Cloak of Invisbility? That's got to be one of my favorite useless misspelled items I've read in a mission!
Thoughts (spoilerific) by
Phobos
on 2013-01-30 03:30:00 UTC
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I thought that this mission was enjoyable, though I do have some criticisms which I'll get to in a bit.
I like that your agents talk about their fic preferences and favorite ships. It makes them much more relatable than someone who only sees this as a job that needs doing. So, kudos on that. I also liked the choice of making the section breaks into barbed wire, though I wonder how being struck by something like that did so little damage. Portaling ahead and ambushing the Stu was a good idea, as well. No one expects their epic exit to be cut short by a fist fight.
So, my biggest problem with the mission was that the pacing seemed really fast and, because of that, some of the conclusions seemed to spring out of nowhere. Like how they knew where the characters were. I might have missed it, but it seemed like the agents just knew, for some reason. I almost wonder if it was a relic of an earlier draft that no one caught.
Anyway, it was an enjoyable read, as I said. Job well done.
-Phobos
I must admit, I giggled at the Rocky Horror reference. by
Rats
on 2013-01-30 01:52:00 UTC
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I also giggled at the many barbed wire attacks. Also the Stuman bit.
Hell, the whole thing was rather amusing.
Very nicely done!
*Applauds* by
Kaite20
on 2013-01-29 22:53:00 UTC
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I enjoy seeing new missions. This one was pretty entertaining.
I laughed the most at "Stuman".
*1966 Batman theme begins* NANANANANANANANA, STUMAN!
Oh, and... by
Tray-Gnome
on 2013-01-29 22:40:00 UTC
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...There's a charge list for the full fic (for those who missed the link in the A/Ns), instead of just the missioned bits, here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WkXTR-gk2hZVWnZg9EQug5TW_nmqw6GozvE-RxMgB1E/edit
This was hilarious! by
Forestiger
on 2013-01-29 21:49:00 UTC
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This was funny and wow, I didn't even read Harry Potter and I could tell how OOC Harry was. Did you write this yourself or was there a co writer?
I liked Ted. by
SpecstacularSC
on 2013-01-29 20:36:00 UTC
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Ted behaves a lot like me in real life.
Namely, "OW GODDAMMIT WHO WOULD DO THIS?!"
By the way, thanks for making me spit Sobe all over the desk.