Subject: Nice work!
Author:
Posted on: 2015-02-22 16:59:00 UTC

Overall, good job. Letting most of the the characters get assimilated back into canon was a nice idea, especially considering they didn't really do much. I must say, I'm impressed the fic recognized that albinos have vision problems. But, blunde hair? Bwzuh?

A few nitpicks:

1) “You don’t see me that much after all, don’t you?” The second "don't" should be "do".

2) “Geez, at least this author’s admitting that they’re a moron.” Straying into bashing territory here.

3) A young man with ashy blonde hair That should be "blond", not "blonde".

4) If it weren’t for the state of him, I’d be getting a bulge in my pants right now,” he whispered. And then a moment later he's embarrassed by E.V.L. asking if he likes Peeta. Um, consistency? Also... well, maybe there's a more tactful way to phrase that? Unless Rayner really doesn't care about making references like that, but it just struck me as unnecessarily crass.

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