Subject: It's just random events comedy XD (nm)
Author:
Posted on: 2024-03-13 14:08:04 UTC
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New Demonly Kings mission coming up! by
on 2024-03-12 17:36:41 UTC
Writing
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Continuing the Colour Swap arc, the team hunts for another ingredient in another continuum, and Urato makes a shocking revelation about the nature of the vacation they're trying to get.
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re: mission by
on 2024-03-16 13:06:50 UTC
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Hm. That is a very embarrassing admission from Urato, and very presumptuous on his and Inasuke’s part to plan a vacation for that purpose. It would have been more mature of them to talk to Momoka and Kaguya beforehand to explain the situation, so they could all work together to come up with a better privacy system to use between the RCs. At the same time, Momoka shouldn’t be so worried about Kaguya’s “honor.” They’re both adults, and have a right to intimacy with each other; they haven’t done anything wrong!
I very much like Momoka’s speech about the benefits of being a PPC agent! She really lays out all the fun perks of the job, especially being able to be a geeky fan, and not having to hide one’s quirks due to the variety of cultures present.
One typo:
Momoka [. . .] were engaged in delightful conversation with an unintelligible, incensed Kaguya.
“was engaged,” since Momoka is just one person.—doctorlit, happy the agents are seeing some progress on their ingredient list
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Review! by
on 2024-03-13 01:10:32 UTC
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Interesting mission. I liked it, there were some great gags (clam hand!) but I felt as though you could have described the settings more. Now for typos!
"He was doing so all by his lonesome."
I think "...all alone." is better.
"Despite this, one need not worry for him; outside of the constant shocks with every pebble, twig and goldfish he picked up, he actually quite enjoyed the peace and quiet."
...goldfish?
"Sorry, Urato-kun," Momoka said. "Speaking of the vacation, where do you think we should go? Do you know any nice destination?"
*destinations
"Perhaps after the mission, she would commit seppuku with her kitchen knife." ...uh... maybe warn for that?
--Ls
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Reviewing your review {; P by
on 2024-03-16 15:07:15 UTC
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I looked because I was curious about the goldfish thing. (And I'm still not sure I understand, either. ^_^; )
While I'm here, a couple notes:
- "All by one's lonesome" is a legitimate figure of speech, so why do you think something else would be better? Was it used incorrectly? Does it not match the tone Yuki was going for? (Are you sure?) Without an objective reason, it's not appropriate to "correct" an author's style choices.
- Being pedantic here, but "destination[s]" is the only actual typo in your list of typos. {= )
~Neshomeh
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Reviewing the review of my review. by
on 2024-03-16 17:35:20 UTC
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What are we, YouTubers?
Huh. I've legitimately never heard "all by one's lonesome" before, I just thought it was incorrect, as it simply sounds wrong to me. shrugs Mayhap I should google it next time.
And uh, yeah, I think I only added the "typos" qualifier after picking out sentences to comment on, maybe wasn't the most accurate thing to say.
Or, y'know, the "s" is a typo in itself.--Ls is unsure of the goldfish as well
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Thanks; re: goldfish by
on 2024-03-13 01:35:20 UTC
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It's a genuine species of fish.
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Yes, but why are they randomly scattered on the ground? by
on 2024-03-13 13:14:59 UTC
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Is that just a ToukenRanbu thing?
--Ls had a goldfish as a pet when he was a young lad
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It's just random events comedy XD (nm) by
on 2024-03-13 14:08:04 UTC
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Still, the poor goldfish! (nm) by
on 2024-03-13 16:30:41 UTC
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