Gah! - PPC Posting Board

New interlude! by Scarlett on 2024-04-07 01:25:00 UTC Writing Reply

Many thanks to Neshomeh for giving me the idea of putting Lindell with a non-human partner who looks human :).

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Was good (nm) by Tomash on 2024-04-13 19:16:46 UTC Reply
Read and enjoyed! by Neshomeh on 2024-04-11 20:54:07 UTC Reply

Faerie and demon, interesting combination!

I'm glad my suggestion was helpful. ^_^

~Neshomeh
re: interlude by doctorlit on 2024-04-09 18:44:11 UTC Reply

Meg is back! And we get more of her view on things this time! Her outlook on life and “mortals” is fun to hear. I’m curious to learn more of her setting, once it gets published! >.>

Even though this story is so short, Meg’s personality comes across very strongly. Her using Carlisle as a distraction, and her willingness to trick Lindell into thinking unpleasant thoughts, show how little she thinks of others as equals, and the delight she feels from creating problems, especially when she expects no chance of repercussions for herself. It will be fun to see her react to a situation where there are repercussions for her decisions! Looking forward to seeing her and Lindell having to work together as well.

—doctorlit
I always need demonic intercession, if this is the result! by Linstar on 2024-04-08 21:47:51 UTC Reply

What a lovely interlude. Very funny, and it establishes Mega and Lindell's personalities and dynamics very well. I really enjoyed, and I hope to see more from you soon! Some favorite lines:

Last week in fact, her internal clock had informed her that it was Monday three days in a row.

snrk

On the other hand, that meant that they’d never get back to her RC. Surely there was some balance in between…

Naughty, naughty Meg.

Now for some minor SPaG nitpicking:

There's an extra space before
Meg didn’t like that. The last time she’d had a message was when Upstairs had unanimously decided to put a Power Limiter on her.

Even in human form, Meg could still smile like only a demon could.

Perhaps just "could still smile like a demon."?

“I don’t do “nice”,” Meg returned,

Double quotations use apostrophes.

“Right, rookie, this is the RC.” She got her laughter under control and opened the door.

Quotations end in commas when they're before prose.

“Like I said, I don’t do “nice”.” She looked up at him, raising her eyebrow.

Comma, and quotation marks.

--Ls liked Carlisle's cameo

Corrections by Neshomeh on 2024-04-12 16:13:19 UTC Reply
Quotations end in commas when they're followed by a dialogue tag, a.k.a. speech tag, which identifies the speaker and includes a verb such as "said," "shouted," or "queried" that applies to the action of speaking.

Both the examples you pointed out have action tags: an action done by the same character that accompanies the speaking action, but is not part of it. They are punctuated correctly as separate sentences.

You're right that nested quotations should alternate between double and single quotes, but single quotations marks are not the same as apostrophes and I will get on you if you're using smart quotes and the opening mark faces the wrong way. {; P
- Correct: “I don’t do ‘nice’,” Meg returned. (Apostrophe in "don't," nested single quotes around "nice.")
- Incorrect: “I don’t do ’nice’,” Meg returned. (Oops, all apostrophes.)
See the difference?

~Neshomeh

Gah! by Linstar on 2024-04-12 19:46:36 UTC Edited Reply

Thank you for reminding me how the comma--period thing works, I don't think I remember finding that rule in whichever writing advice I found when I googled it. grumbles about the English language

I very much remember the smart quotes thing from my permission request; this is why I don't like smart quotes. (And thankfully, the device I'm using right now doesn't do them!)

Oops! All Apostrophes sounds like a fun cereal. I wonder what it would taste like...

I would like to think that he will one day be able to point out small SPaG flaws without being slightly wrong. Alas, today is not that day.

--Ls is most certainly grateful to Nesh for the beta offer on the cowrite.