Subject: Got to be an urban legend...
Author:
Posted on: 2015-02-14 19:14:00 UTC
I mean, the sex scenes in there really aren't hardcore, are they? They're basically just "tie you up and spank you" stuff. If people die from being tied up and spanked, we'd hear about it a lot more.
It's pretty nice, and the only workplace I've found that I enjoy being in. It's nice and calm, my meticulous tendencies are more a boon than a burden, and I have an excuse to be a geek at work. It's pretty sweet... except for one thing.
There is one book series that not only am I opposed to reading, I don't even feel clean after just touching it. I can't judge Twilight or any of those other novels, and I don't mind putting them away.
But the other librarians agree: Fifty Shades of Gray is the most vile literary tumor we have the misfortune of hosting. I actually feel the need for sanitizer or gloves when handling it.
For the book, I mean. It's homemade, so not of the best quality, but still it's more thorough than just plain holy water. It should serve you well if you ever come by Fifty Shades in a setting where it's legal for you to destroy it utterly.
Be warned, though, it's nigh on impossible to get the residue off concrete. I've still got a blotch on my front walk from when I last used it.
That said, I think the whole thing is hilarious! Not the book, never read it, but the whole idea that there will be a mainstream movie about it, with thousands of people watching not-so-softcore porn in theaters is ridiculous! Especially with the corniness of the book it's based off of.
I guarantee you, when the Rifftrax folks get their hands on it, I will be watching them ripping it to hell and back.
Now, to help calm yourselves, and make all things in the world better, have Team Four Star and the Nostalgia Critic himself read it in various voices. NSFW, obviously.
Shame there's no way I'll be able to watch it save for those 'Best Of' videos on YouTube...
Is that because you can't afford the rifftrax, or you don't want a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey in your possession? Either is understandable.
So until I go off to college and get a job, they get the final say on what's appropriate. It's a good thing my school's library finally stocked Game of Thrones.
READ EET. NOOOOWWWWWW.
IT IS THE MOST PHENOMENAL WORK OF LITERATURE.
I'M YELLING.
It's good, but it's not "ERMEGARD DIS IS DA BESTEST EVAH". Lord of the Rings is still better.
Either you're not very far in, or Different Strokes Syndrome has struck again.
Personally, I didn't like the Rings books. It just felt way too slow for me, I got bored very quickly.
And Dad didn't let me see the RotK movie until I'd read the books... grumble grumble...
It's probably different strokes.
While I'd be the first to say that LotR isn't exactly... fast... it's just so magnificent I don't care.
I have no idea how twelve year-old me got through the books- I guess it was just how amazing they are when you look at them as a whole. If you look at individual scenes, though, they can go by rather slowly, but Tolkien has such an enchanting style I find it hard to stop reading. However, there's just so much to remember in the books, I'm having a hard time keeping track of what's what, and it's why I've been so hesitant to try a mission in LotR.
(and doubtless above, by this time tomorrow), it was actually showing up in TV adverts over Christmas. Not, like, for itself, or handcuffs or whatever - there was an advert for a supermarket or TV channel or somesuch which featured Dear Old Granny reading it in the corner.
Which, um. Yeah.
(You'll be glad to hear that - according to a certain Huinesoron - Acacia doesn't think it's very good)
hS
Keep in mind that this is a high school class, but that didn't seem to concern anyone when at least eight girls said they couldn't wait to see the movie. Apparently they're going for Valentine's Day, to which I say: Bleargh.
But no, it's not just the kids! Even my teacher says she enjoyed the book. Normally I'd start crying about this, but... I constantly have to correct her grammar (she can't seem to keep your/you're straight) and she didn't know the meaning of apathetic. "A hatred for something".
Um, no.
So the book was bad enough, but the fact that everyone seems so excited for a movie just scares me.
If you need me, I'll be in my bunker.
I've actually had literary discussions with some of my English teachers.
The main one I remember was debating whether or not Rasheed (from A Thousand Splendid Suns) was a completely evil character.
Her argument against: His concern for his son Zalmai.
My argument for: Zalmai is treated more as a status symbol, and that doesn't change the brutal way he treats his wives.
I tend to agree with you, and for the same reason I don't like Twilight--it pretty much turns a woman into a passive object.
I've read a little about the kinky whips-and-chains thing some people like (hey, I'm asexual and I was curious), and the one thing I see all the time is people saying that the point of it is for everyone involved to enjoy it. It's pretend. No one's actually enslaved, or forced, or whatever. I don't want to go further than that because let's keep it PG-13, yeah? But this is a voluntary thing that people do because they like it.
But Fifty Shades of Gray seems to ignore all that in favor of... uh... basically romanticizing stockholm syndrome. Or near to it--at least, implying that it's romantic to actually be powerless, as opposed to pretending while you get it on with your partner. It's the same thing as Twilight.
If it were PWP, I don't think people would be so disgusted by it, but it apparently makes an attempt at characterization and story--and fails badly at both.
I had a friend who went to see the movie thinking it would be terribad and funny, because she'd never actually read much about 50 Shades, and left the theatre in tears after having a panic attack.
Also, people have apparently died from trying to recreate some of the sex scenes, so there's that.
I mean, the sex scenes in there really aren't hardcore, are they? They're basically just "tie you up and spank you" stuff. If people die from being tied up and spanked, we'd hear about it a lot more.
There’s a reason why, for practitioners of BDSM, keeping every participant save is as important as having every participants informed consent. Being tied up and spanked in the wrong way can result in all sorts of medical problems up to suffocation and heart failure, and when the spanker doesn’t realize what the screaming and writhing is really about ...
Kids – and adults – don’t try this at home unless you’ve done the research.
HG
Well, yeah, of course it's the same thing as Twilight in terms of its disgusting sexual politics. It's Twilight fanfic. More specifically, it's a Twilight fic called "Master Of The Universe", a copy of which I have dug out from the recesses of the internet and will make available to the suitably demented via Pastebin fairly shortly.
Actually, this raises an interesting question (although it may have been answered already): since being reincarnated into Fifty Sexual Assaults Shades Of Wilver Grey, is "MotU" missionable? I foresee Bad Slash wanting in on that, though whether or not noted crazy stalker Edward Cullen and dead-from-the-neck-up personality vacuum Bella Swann would be considered out of character in that mess of moronic sexual politics is, and I'm putting this as politely as I can, very much open to interpretation.#
This has been your broadcast from the Board's resident total pervert. Have a nice read! =]
I haven't read it, but there's this very thorough MST of it by Astral Void, and if half of what I read is true... ew. Just, ew.
... but I've seen Pewdiepie read two excerpts from it.
Note: not part of the Bro army. My favorite Let's Player is RoahmMythril.
Apparently, it's not that shocking for someone who has read the works of the Marquis de Sade. At least, she got a laugh out of it.
I'm not getting anywhere near that book myself, though.