Subject: That Was A Horrific Fic.
Author:
Posted on: 2015-02-12 05:07:00 UTC
I'm afraid to ask where you found that monstrosity. As always, you both did a great job. It's a shame crossovers are so difficult to pull off, since they're so much fun to read.
After almost a year, it is done. Enjoy! :D
Because it's a Sue drug, so... hmm, maybe it makes sentient horses speak in abysmal SPaG.
...that Printworthy is now running an illegal drug smuggling operation with Mr. Baker. Refuge, crystal bakeware, you name it. You want goods? Good ol' Print's can hook you up.
And then report you to the DoIA, because it's all a cover to catch druggies in HQ.
And then wake up, because there is no way this is canon at all. Seriously, Printworthy smuggling drugs? Old boy won't even take Bleeprin!
...Ugh, dangit, why does this keep happening?!
Anyway, since you gladly reviewed my previous mission, I might as well review yours. Before we begin, I apologize for being unable to comment on it during the beta-reading process, once again due to my graduate paper hogging my schedule.
Looking at the badfic, I can see why you wanted to do this mission. I can understand the bad grammar and stuff, but the constant use of centered formatting is just... blech. I like how you used it for whenever the badfic characters were talking, though, because it helps differentiate which characters are speaking. The part with the agents' argument spilling over into the badfic was also pretty interesting - it's a reminder that if you aren't too careful, you may end up getting involved, and nobody wants that. Or was that the fic spilling over into the argument? I couldn't tell, and that really creeped me out - as it should've.
The training montage was pretty interesting, especially the way you made Randa screw with Marvin. It really showcases the relationships among both agent pairs. The part where Marvin blamed Printworthy and the latter didn't rat out Randa for it made me lol. If only they'd realized the truth. The transition to the next scene was a bit abrupt for my taste, though given the nature of badfic, I wouldn't have been surprised at all.
Marvin chewing out one of the Sues for her misguided cutie mark was a bit unexpected, but I liked it regardless. It not only demonstrates his knowledge of this continuum, but also that he and Rina behave differently when it comes to spazzing out in the face of an incorrect badfic detail. I half-expected the mission to just end off right then and there but when they mentioned the Stu, well, I suddenly understood why they left the Sue to her own devices after that. It's an interesting plot twist that kept me hooked.
The biggest surprise, though, was the stinger - I didn't know missions even had stingers! Mine don't... Anyway, Mr. Baker realizing that Lightning was an alicorn, his frantic demand for answers, the Matrix-like recruitment scene (Was that agent from the Matrix continuum? It would've been even better if he was!), all of it was just the icing on the cake, no puns intended. I'd have been tempted to put Mr. Baker in the Kitchen staff just because of his role in the world of the badfic, but I'll concede that it's really your call as to where he ends up.
All in all, congrats to both of you for finally completing this mission! *tosses Spikes again* ARCEUS-D@MN IT, WHYYYY?!
Hey, watch it! I almost got impaled by one of those!
(Tried to makes a Spike joke, failed. Went with obvious answer.)
Thanks for taking the time to review the mission! This was an interesting one, to say the least. The use of center-formatting was very distracting. At times, combined with the bad spelling and grammar, it would actually physically hurt us. There are times center-formatting is appropriate,(usually for poems of the shorter variety) but this was not one of them.
The thing with the argument was this: there was a line in the fic that said Lightning and Midnight heard voices in the distance arguing with each other. We thought it would be funny if the Agents filled the role of the unidentified voices, so we set it up so those lines would fit for their situation. I think later in the fic Lightning and Midnight go back into the tunnel and there were murderers or something, but honestly, I did not care at that point.
I'm glad you liked the training montage. Most people seem to, so that puts me at ease. I do somewhat agree that the transition was abrupt, but the idea that Marvin and Rina slam head-first into a wall was too good to pass up. Plus, the scene was just starting to go a little long, and we needed to move on.
Funny you should mention Marvin's knowledge of canon. That is going to be brought up in a later mission/interlude. No real spoilers, though. Anyway, as far as the ranting scene goes, I thought it would be interesting for Marvin to interrupt the Sue and rant a bit. There used to be a thing where Agents would mess with Sues before killing them. I just wanted to harken back to those days a bit. Keep in mind, Marvin does not do this kind of thing often. It's just that he had a major head injury a little while before and had it up to here with this Sue.
I'm glad somebody brought up the stinger! That was (almost) all me! I was waiting for Iximaz one day, and I thought back to Mr. Baker. In the fic, he mentioned how there were only supposed to be two alicorns: Celestia and Luna. We contemplated recruiting him, but decided to let him assimilate into canon instead. I decided, while waiting, I was going to make a short stinger full of baking puns, because I could. Eventually, I decided to recruit him anyway, by having his memories unlock and he freaks out. Now I can make the announcement I wanted to make:
Mr. Baker is, indeed, going to join the cooking staff. I assign him over to whomever writes fics involving the cafeteria staff. I have no interest in keeping him, and unless Iximaz has had a change of heart, neither does she. So, there you have it. A new cook in HQ.
As for the DoI agent, xe it is absolutely anybody you want it to be. If SeaTurtle or anybody else wants to make a reference to some baker pony seeing them in the field, fine by me. I wanted it to be as ambiguous as possible. I doubt they were from the Matrix, though. Likely just making an elaborate reference.
I am glad you enjoyed our mission. I had a lot of fun writing this with Iximaz. Hopefully the next mission won't take a friggin year to complete.
The Stinger was all Jumper's idea (and mostly all his writing, too). We discussed a 'traditional' recruitment for Mr. Baker, but decided it would interrupt the story.
So Jumper tacked it on at the end, and I think it turned out very nicely. :)
Want to check in on the doc in a mo? Just want to run something by real quick.
One such pony gave her gave her a bouquet of flowers and a heart shape chocolate,
"gave her gave her" is not quoted from the badfic, right? Or your tags may be off.
Apparently it happens again in the recruiting of Mr. Baker.
He could not think of any of any guard’s uniform that looked quite like this.
"of any of any"?
And then there is this:
He pulled out the spear, smacking the Stu’s head with the haft.
Did you intend to write "shaft"? My preferred online translator may mislead me here, but apparently “haft” is only used for short things like a sword or a hammer.
Anyway, this was a lot of fun to read.
HG
Although, I am surprised at the repeating words. I never saw those before, yet, there they are. And none of the other beta readers saw them either. I am suspecting Google trickery. I don't know what Google trickery, but Google trickery all the same.
Anyway, thank you for finding them! I'm glad you liked the mission!
Haft is functionally equivalent to shaft, but applies to spears and polearms. Also axes sometimes, if they're big enough. =]
Why is there a holographic horse in my bathroom?
Oh, I beg your pardon, you're a 'pony'. Because that's so different. Can we focus on the bathroom-related aspects of the situation?
... right, usually these reports get pushed under my door, not hand-delivered by alarming levels of technology. But fine. Message received. I'll read it after my shower.
... fine, before. Now get lost.
Mission: The Lost Land
Agents: Rina Dives, Randa Roan, Marvin Jones, Printworthy
Continuum: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
I'll say one thing right out the door: these agents do an exceptional job of 'introducing' themselves to the readers. Marvin's assumptions about 'the Assassins' strike precisely the right note; it makes me almost nostalgic for the old days, when everyone assumed that the other departments were a bunch of psychopaths. The fact that his preconception survives his initial encounter with Rina and Randa only makes it more effective - his world-weary defence of his fandom being broken by the discovery that both Assassins are also MLP fans (I refuse to write the word... well, you know the word) is a perfect moment of characterisation. I hope he learnt as much from it as he seems to have.
Then the agents entered their fic, and in a storytelling moment that is perhaps too good to be entirely accurate, the roles are reversed: Rina and Randa are caught literally wrong-footed by their disguises, while Marvin plays the consummate expert. It's only Printworthy bringing him back down to earth that suggests there might be some factual reporting involved.
And... the report proceeds at a good clip, with the agents recording both relevant parts of the badfic (though they do sometimes go a little overboard with the multi-paragraph sections) and their own actions; I have to congratulate them there, since so many agents leave out one or (more usually) the other. The break for the magic and flying lessons comes in precisely the right place - suspiciously so; I suspect the hoof of Printworthy lies heavily on the pacing here - and the lessons themselves are both believable and revealing of the agents' characters.
And then, of course, things start to go wrong; this wouldn't be the PPC if they didn't. Marvin's interruption, sudden grimdark, the argument spilling over; it all acts as a perfect setup for the final showdowns. And yes, the Duty is suitably dramatic, without being overwrought.
It's very rare that I write one of these reviews without finding something to complain about, but for once, I'm forced to do exactly that. Except for that ridiculous holographic pony. If whoever is behind this tries something like that again, I swear I'll track you down and papercut you to death.
Now I'm going for my shower.
(Yes, it's on the blog)
I have read many of Terri's other reviews. Usually, she has some major problem with the mission report. I feel honored to be among the few who she praises near completely. I... Thank you.
I am insulted, however, at the insinuation that Printworthy adds dramatic fictitious elements to these reports. I mean, first of all, how dare yo u? I assure you, absolutely every action $100% happened. In fact, this mission probably happened the most out of either of our missions!
(Mr. Baker's first name? Albert Einstein.)
((Now to see how many Redditors frequent the board...))
((Albert Einstein? He's wicked smaht.))
((...I hope you've seen that thread.))
Wow... well, if that's the case, I'm glad you (and Agent Ryan) enjoyed it!
*wanders out, still dazed*
I'm afraid to ask where you found that monstrosity. As always, you both did a great job. It's a shame crossovers are so difficult to pull off, since they're so much fun to read.
If the author's a troll, they're a very dedicated one. I ended up just bookmarking the story because otherwise, I had to scroll through dozens of other, equally bad stories to find the right one.
*sighs and shakes head*
Anyway, thank you very much!
Now, here are two coupons for a free bottle of Bleeprin, one for Agent Marvin and one for Agent Printworthy. May they be of use for your... ahem... endeavours.
I'm pretty convinced the author was trolling us, too. Seriously, "Midnight Moon"? "Lightning Flare"? All those commas? Totally a troll.
Anyway, I noticed some things.
"...one more suitor. waiting inside the throne room for some reason."
The period after "waiting" should be a comma. Unless it is and my phone isn't showing it right.
"...large double doors that lead into the throne room."
Led, not lead.
"...and lobbing it at the her."
Use "her" or "the Sue".
There are probably more, but I dislike typing on my phone. :P
Thanks!
I hope it's a troll. Then again, people don't often write 37 chapters worth of troll.
...well, the jury's still out on that one. :P
As for the corrections, I'll have to leave those until tomorrow afternoon (unless Jumper gets to them first).
All I can do is pray that it was just a troll, but if it was, it was a very, very dedicated one.
But srsleh, why wud u talk about spain? spain isnt in equestryer. ur dum. =]
((I couldn't resist and I am not even a little bit sorry.))
Some idiot must have suggested it to us or something. =P
Thanks for your suggestions, by the way. They were very helpful, even if few in number.
That was magnificent, simply astonishing! I have to say, this fic seemed to have given everypony a drug problem. I laughed most of the way through, and I especially loved the methods of execution. Fantastic work, agents.
Yeah, the amount of drugs in this fic is astonishing. We actually skipped a large number of "toking" jokes, just because if we did every single one, the whole world would have been made of drugs.
If I recall correctly, it is called Yakitate!! Japan. Quite awesome, and the reactions really makes you think the bread are to be token.
Also, how can you toke baking cups?
Wow. Japan, never change. I mean... Wow.
Oh, easy answer. There is the Crystal Empire, right? The measuring cups are made of crystal meth!
...For the FBI agent reading all of my posts, I have never consumed illegal narcotics, nor do I condone their consumption.
[For the stoners on the internet, relax, I don't care what you do to yourselves in your own homes for your own entertainment. Just don't smoke measuring cups, and we're good.]