Because it's a Sue drug, so... hmm, maybe it makes sentient horses speak in abysmal SPaG.

...Ugh, dangit, why does this keep happening?!

Anyway, since you gladly reviewed my previous mission, I might as well review yours. Before we begin, I apologize for being unable to comment on it during the beta-reading process, once again due to my graduate paper hogging my schedule.

Looking at the badfic, I can see why you wanted to do this mission. I can understand the bad grammar and stuff, but the constant use of centered formatting is just... blech. I like how you used it for whenever the badfic characters were talking, though, because it helps differentiate which characters are speaking. The part with the agents' argument spilling over into the badfic was also pretty interesting - it's a reminder that if you aren't too careful, you may end up getting involved, and nobody wants that. Or was that the fic spilling over into the argument? I couldn't tell, and that really creeped me out - as it should've.

The training montage was pretty interesting, especially the way you made Randa screw with Marvin. It really showcases the relationships among both agent pairs. The part where Marvin blamed Printworthy and the latter didn't rat out Randa for it made me lol. If only they'd realized the truth. The transition to the next scene was a bit abrupt for my taste, though given the nature of badfic, I wouldn't have been surprised at all.

Marvin chewing out one of the Sues for her misguided cutie mark was a bit unexpected, but I liked it regardless. It not only demonstrates his knowledge of this continuum, but also that he and Rina behave differently when it comes to spazzing out in the face of an incorrect badfic detail. I half-expected the mission to just end off right then and there but when they mentioned the Stu, well, I suddenly understood why they left the Sue to her own devices after that. It's an interesting plot twist that kept me hooked.

The biggest surprise, though, was the stinger - I didn't know missions even had stingers! Mine don't... Anyway, Mr. Baker realizing that Lightning was an alicorn, his frantic demand for answers, the Matrix-like recruitment scene (Was that agent from the Matrix continuum? It would've been even better if he was!), all of it was just the icing on the cake, no puns intended. I'd have been tempted to put Mr. Baker in the Kitchen staff just because of his role in the world of the badfic, but I'll concede that it's really your call as to where he ends up.

All in all, congrats to both of you for finally completing this mission! *tosses Spikes again* ARCEUS-D@MN IT, WHYYYY?!

One such pony gave her gave her a bouquet of flowers and a heart shape chocolate,
"gave her gave her" is not quoted from the badfic, right? Or your tags may be off.

Apparently it happens again in the recruiting of Mr. Baker.
He could not think of any of any guard’s uniform that looked quite like this.
"of any of any"?

And then there is this:
He pulled out the spear, smacking the Stu’s head with the haft.
Did you intend to write "shaft"? My preferred online translator may mislead me here, but apparently “haft” is only used for short things like a sword or a hammer.

Anyway, this was a lot of fun to read.

HG

Why is there a holographic horse in my bathroom?

Oh, I beg your pardon, you're a 'pony'. Because that's so different. Can we focus on the bathroom-related aspects of the situation?

... right, usually these reports get pushed under my door, not hand-delivered by alarming levels of technology. But fine. Message received. I'll read it after my shower.

... fine, before. Now get lost.

Mission: The Lost Land
Agents: Rina Dives, Randa Roan, Marvin Jones, Printworthy
Continuum: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

I'll say one thing right out the door: these agents do an exceptional job of 'introducing' themselves to the readers. Marvin's assumptions about 'the Assassins' strike precisely the right note; it makes me almost nostalgic for the old days, when everyone assumed that the other departments were a bunch of psychopaths. The fact that his preconception survives his initial encounter with Rina and Randa only makes it more effective - his world-weary defence of his fandom being broken by the discovery that both Assassins are also MLP fans (I refuse to write the word... well, you know the word) is a perfect moment of characterisation. I hope he learnt as much from it as he seems to have.

Then the agents entered their fic, and in a storytelling moment that is perhaps too good to be entirely accurate, the roles are reversed: Rina and Randa are caught literally wrong-footed by their disguises, while Marvin plays the consummate expert. It's only Printworthy bringing him back down to earth that suggests there might be some factual reporting involved.

And... the report proceeds at a good clip, with the agents recording both relevant parts of the badfic (though they do sometimes go a little overboard with the multi-paragraph sections) and their own actions; I have to congratulate them there, since so many agents leave out one or (more usually) the other. The break for the magic and flying lessons comes in precisely the right place - suspiciously so; I suspect the hoof of Printworthy lies heavily on the pacing here - and the lessons themselves are both believable and revealing of the agents' characters.

And then, of course, things start to go wrong; this wouldn't be the PPC if they didn't. Marvin's interruption, sudden grimdark, the argument spilling over; it all acts as a perfect setup for the final showdowns. And yes, the Duty is suitably dramatic, without being overwrought.

It's very rare that I write one of these reviews without finding something to complain about, but for once, I'm forced to do exactly that. Except for that ridiculous holographic pony. If whoever is behind this tries something like that again, I swear I'll track you down and papercut you to death.

Now I'm going for my shower.

(Yes, it's on the blog)

---

And since she's incapable of saying it: that was fun!

hS

I'm afraid to ask where you found that monstrosity. As always, you both did a great job. It's a shame crossovers are so difficult to pull off, since they're so much fun to read.

Now, here are two coupons for a free bottle of Bleeprin, one for Agent Marvin and one for Agent Printworthy. May they be of use for your... ahem... endeavours.

I'm pretty convinced the author was trolling us, too. Seriously, "Midnight Moon"? "Lightning Flare"? All those commas? Totally a troll.

Anyway, I noticed some things.
"...one more suitor. waiting inside the throne room for some reason."
The period after "waiting" should be a comma. Unless it is and my phone isn't showing it right.

"...large double doors that lead into the throne room."
Led, not lead.

"...and lobbing it at the her."
Use "her" or "the Sue".

There are probably more, but I dislike typing on my phone. :P

But srsleh, why wud u talk about spain? spain isnt in equestryer. ur dum. =]

((I couldn't resist and I am not even a little bit sorry.))

That was magnificent, simply astonishing! I have to say, this fic seemed to have given everypony a drug problem. I laughed most of the way through, and I especially loved the methods of execution. Fantastic work, agents.