Subject: Wow. Just... wow. (some NSFW content)
Author:
Posted on: 2015-02-05 04:55:00 UTC
Just by the mission, I swear that this badfic has to be a troll! It just has to! Like, seriously, who seriously writes stuff like "[the Stu,] now only in his black-brief-and-printed-with-a-target-sign-in-the-butt undergarment, swayed a little in the air, dancing like some kind of whore-slut devoid of morals"? The author couldn't possibly be serious. I was positively eager for the Stu to die...and you did not disappoint.
Also, good work acclimating Zeb to the PPC. Pardon my slowness (I'm sure you explained it before), but what's happening with Randa (both in-universe and IRL)?
Two issues, though:
First, it looks like you inadvertently made a mini:
She's a daughter of Ares who single-handedly took down a drachon all by herself
According to the Percy Jackson Wiki, the spelling is "drakon." Is it amiss?
Secondly, this line:
Zeb's eyes widened, then narrowed. "That is completely unacceptable!" he said, his voice trembling. "Sexual orientation is nothing to be mocked!"
Being native to the Pokemon universe, how would Zeb have such a liberal view of sexual orientation, much less be so incensed at homophobic slurs? Sexual orientation isn't mentioned at all in the anime, and given the Day-Care's workings, I doubt that homosexual pairings feature in the games either.