I'm gonna cut to the chase: Permission Granted! I enjoyed the prompts, especially the first one, and I think the agents will be fun to read about. I don't note any serious flaws in your writing, even with the formatting issues you mentioned. (May I suggest getting around the indentation issues by not trying? Double line breaks between paragraphs is just fine.) You've been around a while, I've interacted with you, and you seem nice. So, there you go. {= )

The only thing I really question is the logic behind Kayt's name-change. Sure, it's an odd spelling, but that's easily fixed—there's nothing wrong with Kate or Katie, depending on how it's pronounced. Why the leap all the way to Alloy, and why let Ginger-Wise get away with slapping a new name on her without her input?

That's about it for critique, though. Nice work!

~Neshomeh

There are some things you may want to correct before a Permission Giver sees them.

"... Let's see if I can actually charge you this time," Ann growled, shooting Ann a look.
I’m not sure who is speaking and who is shot a look, but I’m quite sure they are not the same person.

"Stay cool, Ginger-Wise," she whispered.
This looks like a clumsy way to introduce the redhead’s name. You seem to acknowledge that she wouldn’t say this as loud as she spoke before. But if Redhead just whispers to herself, Kayt is not meant to hear her. Thus we get a sudden shift in POV, which then immediately switches back to Kayt. Better let Ginger-Wise tell her name to somebody, or let Kayt reference to her by a spontaneously created nickname. (Thinking of her as “Ginger” and then finding out that she is actually called “Ginger-Wise” may work.)

They were here, and Kayt hadn't responded.
This again looks weird to me. We know that Kayt still didn’t respond to the Marquis suggesting to change her name, and why would she think about "them" – whoever they may be, she doesn’t know – being here? It may be sufficient to say "I need a new name?" Kayt asked, belatedly. (You probably don’t want to avoid the impression that there is some confusion with several people speaking nearly at the same time.)

Other than that, it’s quite good. I especially like the door that only "almost always" leads to the bathroom. We don’t often see the PPC’s weirdness spilling over from the corridors into an RC.

HG

Your agents seem interesting, and while the fugees thing has been done a fair bit (hell, one of my agents is just as guilty - actually, that raises the question of whether or not Alloy went through FicPsych, which might make an interesting interlude if you get Permission), you make it work. It's pretty cool to see an agent who's been properly messed about with by a Sue in a physiological sense. Ginger-Wise... eh, fits the theme. I personally would have gone for a more conventionally recruited agent to counterbalance Alloy's origin story and add a little conflict, but it's your party. =]

You've been hanging around here a while, and while there's a lot of short sentences around in it, the same's true of my own writing. I like it. I think you're in with a shout, though of course my opinion ain't worth the screen it's written on. Actually, screens have a specific material value linked to the price of ITO (for touchscreens) and similar materials, so my opinion is really worth a lot less. =]