Subject: Noooooooope.
Author:
Posted on: 2015-01-27 02:55:00 UTC
Completely (and thankfully) unrelated to your previous post, were you there when hS borrowed the Notary? If not, would she have any more to add? I'm curious.
Alright, so here it is. Permission Prompts. Whether I get Permission or not, I hope people find them entertaining. :)
Many thanks to the lovely Iximaz for being my beta on these Prompts, as well as allowing me to use Ginger-Wise. (As well as Rina and Randa, who show up at the very end of the Recruitment one.)
And, though I noted it at the end of the document, I apologize for a couple formatting errors Google Docs introduced and stubbornly refused to allow me to correct. Maybe it's because I use an iPad with a keyboard attachment to write most things, and GD decided it didn't like Pages for some reason?
Well, without further ado, here are the Permission Prompts. :)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-4XMmYKdQIAe8WhvvsK4O8u5MSjiYO0Tf5DlcASKpNc/edit?usp=docslist_api
I'm gonna cut to the chase: Permission Granted! I enjoyed the prompts, especially the first one, and I think the agents will be fun to read about. I don't note any serious flaws in your writing, even with the formatting issues you mentioned. (May I suggest getting around the indentation issues by not trying? Double line breaks between paragraphs is just fine.) You've been around a while, I've interacted with you, and you seem nice. So, there you go. {= )
The only thing I really question is the logic behind Kayt's name-change. Sure, it's an odd spelling, but that's easily fixed—there's nothing wrong with Kate or Katie, depending on how it's pronounced. Why the leap all the way to Alloy, and why let Ginger-Wise get away with slapping a new name on her without her input?
That's about it for critique, though. Nice work!
~Neshomeh
Delibird, use Present!
*Delibird tosses a Present into the air, which explodes magnificently*
Best of luck with your first mission! *tosses Spikes*
...Oh, wait. Arceus-damn-it. Note to self, steal some of Iximaz's cakefetti...
After all, according to the Dex entry in Pokemon X, Skarmory nest in bramble bushes - so it's not like they'd be hard to come by. That or a Flash Cannon-powered celebratory lightshow.
Anyway, back on topic, CONGRATULATIONS SHY ION! Here is your antithesis, an ebullient and gregarious neutron. The neutron is made of science. Do not question it. =]
Berries grow in specific bush types, and they're generally leafy-looking things like a cabbage on a stick - not something you'd expect to be possessed of the spikes described in the Pokemon X Dex entry. We also know that there's foodstuffs other than Pokemon in that universe, otherwise it'd be a bit weird; indeed, Pokeflesh is seen as something of a delicacy (cf. Slowpoke tails). Besides, since a Pokemon can only hold one Bluk Berry at a time, it'd be a bit of a measly shower, but since a Skarmory is a fairly sizeable cove, it can probably scrounge up a few more to use as delicious confetti.
(in which scape did research for the first time in yonks [=)
I actually do have an explanation for both of those.
The whole "why Alloy" thing is because of Ginger-Wise's own origin. She was a Hermione replacement, but kept getting referred to by a "nickname" that had nothing to do with her actual name. A completely random characteristic was literally the first thing she thought of.
If that's too confusing, though, I'll change it. :)
The second- she was overwhelmed, and I plan to address that one at the start of mission one. Don't worry, I think there will be fireworks.
Here, have one explosive batarang for each agent, don't ask how I got them, just use them wisely... *goes back to the shadows and disappears*
I knew you could do it! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to fill in the rut I wore into the floor. :D
*tosses confetti* I offer your agents some delicious red velvet cupcakes!
There are some things you may want to correct before a Permission Giver sees them.
"... Let's see if I can actually charge you this time," Ann growled, shooting Ann a look.
I’m not sure who is speaking and who is shot a look, but I’m quite sure they are not the same person.
"Stay cool, Ginger-Wise," she whispered.
This looks like a clumsy way to introduce the redhead’s name. You seem to acknowledge that she wouldn’t say this as loud as she spoke before. But if Redhead just whispers to herself, Kayt is not meant to hear her. Thus we get a sudden shift in POV, which then immediately switches back to Kayt. Better let Ginger-Wise tell her name to somebody, or let Kayt reference to her by a spontaneously created nickname. (Thinking of her as “Ginger” and then finding out that she is actually called “Ginger-Wise” may work.)
They were here, and Kayt hadn't responded.
This again looks weird to me. We know that Kayt still didn’t respond to the Marquis suggesting to change her name, and why would she think about "them" – whoever they may be, she doesn’t know – being here? It may be sufficient to say "I need a new name?" Kayt asked, belatedly. (You probably don’t want to avoid the impression that there is some confusion with several people speaking nearly at the same time.)
Other than that, it’s quite good. I especially like the door that only "almost always" leads to the bathroom. We don’t often see the PPC’s weirdness spilling over from the corridors into an RC.
HG
Also, got rid of something that didn't quite make sense, in hindsight. Thank you for pointing them out! :)
I'll fix those.
Your agents seem interesting, and while the fugees thing has been done a fair bit (hell, one of my agents is just as guilty - actually, that raises the question of whether or not Alloy went through FicPsych, which might make an interesting interlude if you get Permission), you make it work. It's pretty cool to see an agent who's been properly messed about with by a Sue in a physiological sense. Ginger-Wise... eh, fits the theme. I personally would have gone for a more conventionally recruited agent to counterbalance Alloy's origin story and add a little conflict, but it's your party. =]
You've been hanging around here a while, and while there's a lot of short sentences around in it, the same's true of my own writing. I like it. I think you're in with a shout, though of course my opinion ain't worth the screen it's written on. Actually, screens have a specific material value linked to the price of ITO (for touchscreens) and similar materials, so my opinion is really worth a lot less. =]
A recruit from World One was my original plan; I only found Ginger-Wise because I beta'd for the mission she was recruited from. And while their origins do probably mesh up a little too well, I have hopes for their personalities.
And I'm thinking that Alloy probably didn't go through FicPsych yet. RWBY may not have as many Sues as a lot of continuums, but they've got basically no PPC agents keeping them in check. Those poor background agents are probably *very* overworked... not that there are any agents who aren't, of course. ;)
So, yeah, she probably got a glance-over by Medical, got handed some glasses and a bottle of Logicillin, and sent to the RC to get sent out after the horde of RWBY Suvians.
Glad you liked it! :)
Admittedly, what I know about RWBY could fit on the back of a postage stamp in a quite large hand, but it's definitely plausible. I like your agents, as I said, and I concur with your point about their personalities. My own agents, Wobbles and the Notary, were designed with a specific purpose, namely a reductio ad absurdum take on the Red Oni Blue Oni setup common to agent pairings, but I'm interested in seeing where you go with two similar agents with similar histories.
(also RWBY is a show I have many capital-O Opinions about that I will not repeat here because the board censors them. [=)
...at least they have some pretty great music? :P
Sure, the entire series is positively made of cheese and you can see plot twists coming a kilometre away but hey, there's explosions and high-speed action sequences. I can't complain about that :D
Do not.
Do not do that.
It's difficult for me to stop.
(compareittosomethinglikeeekthecatinwhichtheimpactshaveweightandpowerbehindthemandpeopledontflopaboutlikepaperdollsinzerogravity-*SLAP* NO! Bad Scapegrace! Bad!)
I've only watched the episodes themselves: if it's extended universe stuff that you're referring to then I haven't seen it... yet.
*Straps on ballistic vest* But now that you're here, do you want to talk about it?
I absolutely despise the fight choreography and animation in RWBY. Yes, it's fast, but it's cluttered and weightless and generally terrible. It's all because the animation program (for reference, and in a fit of delicious irony, it's all done in something called Poser) isn't designed for it, and it looks and feels dreadful.
To me.
Mileage varies.
Obviously.
Thanks for clearing that up.
...also, I can't help but read your name as "Spacegrape". I have no idea why. Any chance you might switch back to "wobbles"? :P
A scapegrace is a charlatan and a bounder, the kind of lovable rogue who holds up coaches on the York road with a flintlock and a grin so lascivious that ladies of quality have been known to faint at the sight of it. It's the kind of bodice-ripper of a word that feels brilliant to say.
Also, you are now thinking of a cute bi girl in a highwayman getup. You can't unthink it. Not, necessarily, that you'd want to. =]
(srsly tho look up the national dress entry for Miss Chile at the Miss Worlds u will not regret)
... looks like this:
Now replace the highwaygirl's head with that. What were you saying about 'can't unthink'?
hSPAAAACE
Completely (and thankfully) unrelated to your previous post, were you there when hS borrowed the Notary? If not, would she have any more to add? I'm curious.
If there was anything, it'd be to make sure that the people she considers to be "duly constituted authority" were notified of the PPC Daleks massing. We all know what happened last time. =]
It's cute and fun with neat characters that, while playing to a particular form, manage to develop a bit anyway. It's not Great Art or whatever, but I do find the setting neat, and it at least doesn't try to pretend that it's ultra-serious all the time. See also, the food fight. And Penny, and the general inter-team bickering...
Cheesy can be fun, it's just the unintentional cheese that's bad. Since the cheese seems to be pretty intentional, it can still be enjoyable. :)
Of course, the Suefics all seem to suffer from a *ton* of srs bsns. Lampshading? What's that? Ugh.