Typo and continuity errors by
Hieronymus Graubart
on 2015-01-25 12:06:00 UTC
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Rina shook her head, blowing her bangs out if her eyes.
The following two paragraphs, coming from different contributors, should be mixed into one to remove the repetition:
Rina came over to help. “Woah, that is seriously mind-screwy,” she said, bending down and grabbing hold of Doc’s shirt. After a lot of tugging and pulling, the two agents finally managed to haul Doc's sodden form into the Lounge.
Doc stayed limp, but otherwise allowed himself to be dragged backwards, then upwards, into the Lounge.
Less obvious, but still slightly irritating: Rina neutralyzing the bystanders and portaling to Medical should not take longer than a minute, but Vania had been watching Doc sleep when Rina arrived. I assume that Vania grabbed the back of Doc's collar and began to drag him away, but then remembered the RA he had dropped, and portaled to Medical. The nurses must still have worked really fast. I don’t know what could be done about this.
Sorry for nitpicking again. I like what Doc and you achieved without knowing where you were going in advance. Someday I should try to participate in one of these RPs.
HG
Nice work! by
eatpraylove
on 2015-01-24 23:44:00 UTC
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I almost wish I'd taken part in that RP, but whatever. Maybe next time, when Chris has a working phone. *shrugs cheerfully*
I love it! by
domirossi
on 2015-01-24 18:32:00 UTC
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That was really fun to read. I should probably check out the Other Board...
I'm also looking forwards to the probable collaboration between you and doctorlit!
I didn't know about Sparklee or the story that spawned it, but it does seem like an interesting idea. I also like the idea of a PPC TV channel. Well, I guess it pretty much had to happen since there already were radio stations...
It was great! XD by
Edhelistar
on 2015-01-24 18:02:00 UTC
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I just a question: Whyn Doc thought it was a good idea a beach in New York? Anyway, good work as always!