Subject: Is it small?
Author:
Posted on: 2014-11-12 09:25:00 UTC
I used 'murderchicken' advisedly - Velociraptor mongoliensis was, indeed, about the size of a dog. The Jurassic Park animals would have been better described as Deinonychus (at the time sometimes classed as Velociraptor antirrhopus, though of course Crichton specifically states that they're V. mongoliensis at one point), or even Utahraptor. But Velociraptor is a cooler name. ;)
hS likes dinosaurs. ;)
I've got my characters balanced out, a badfic to take on, working knowledge of this crazy verse, both permission prompts written and plothole-free, just enough confidence...I think I'm ready.
Agent 1
Name: Chris
Age: 20/11 (it's complicated)
Species: Human
Appearance:
-Hair: black, slightly spiky
-Eyes: grey
-Body type: skinny but toned. Average height.
-Always wears a red-and-white baseball hat with a red jacket, black-and-gold shorts (black with gold accents), and red sneakers.
Home continuum: Pokémon Silver Version
Department: Floaters (for now)
RC: #2319 (yay Monsters Inc. jokes!)
Chris started life as the player character in my old Pokémon Silver game. I got pretty far, up to the Elite Four, but I lost the cartridge years ago. I don't want to leave a good character hanging, so for our purposes, Chris has been stuck in Limbo since about 2005 HST and only recently fell through via plothole (of course). He doesn't remember a lot of what he did in Johto, at least not very clearly. He isn't even sure what Pokémon were last on his team; only his starter, Meganium, came with him.
Limbo's a strange place, so Chris is a strange boy. For one thing, he's physically a twenty-year-old man even though he still thinks of himself as eleven. He has trouble sleeping at night and jumps at shadows now and then. He's very protective of the things he has, especially Meganium and the Johto region as a whole. (To be fair, he might have a minor hero complex as well.) Knowing he's done things like kicking the pants off Team Rocket, beating the Gym Leaders, and a few Bug-Catching Contests, but not remembering how he did them is very frustrating for him. Also, because Johto changed so fundamentally with HGSS, he's not sure he'd recognize much if he went back. But that's something to explore/angst over another day. The point is that Chris has a new place where he can work hard and generally be useful. (Well, Pokémon is an inherently social game...)
Chris is the serious/sarcastic one in my agent pair, generally being quick to point out flaws in the Sue's plans or awful dialogue/word choices. (Sometimes with a facepalm as well.) He's totally OK with not-World-One(-based) creatures like minis because, frankly, Pokémon are plenty weird all by themselves. However, he's not nearly as forgiving of overpoweredness and/or wangst. Also, he and Ami share a Problem with bad SPaG. (Note the capital P.)
As a fairly experienced Pokémon trainer, Chris can gauge the power level and/or recruitment potential of various Cute Animal Friends, including a Sue's Pokémon, by observing them in action. (Ideally he'd battle them, but that's not always canon or a smart move.) He doesn't have any powers himself, but he is athletic; in his words, "If you train six-foot monsters for a living and don't gain muscles or lose weight, you're doing it wrong." Chris also has pretty good stamina.
--Meganium's known moves (read: official moveset) are Synthesis, Body Slam, Poisonpowder, and Solarbeam. He'll come along on Pokémon-verse missions as security in case Chris ends up challenging the Sue or something. (Any other Pokémon he/they adopt will more than likely guard the RC.)
---
Agent 2
Name: Ami Seeker (pronounced Amy)
Age: 20 in human years
Species: Unicorn pony
Appearance:
-Fur: green
-Mane/tail: brown, curly. She keeps her mane in a slightly messy ponytail most times.
-Eyes: blue w/freckles at the corners
-Body type: stocky, a little short for a pony
-Cutie mark: a quarter note inside a speech bubble, representing her love of music and extensive vocabulary
-Accessories: black newsboy hat, purple glasses (she's nearsighted), silver heart necklace
Home continuum: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Department: Floaters
RC: #2319
Ami is my ponysona, or what I think I'd look like if I lived in Equestria. This means that personality-wise, she's basically me mixed with the inherent friendliness/kindness of FiM ponies. She tries to be respectful to everyone she talks to, or failing that, not overtly rude. Ami is somewhat confused by modern/World One technology, and spends most of her free time reading (she prefers fantasy novels), singing, or thinking up ways to obtain a grand piano for the RC. She's also what we'd call a semi-fic blip; a character I thought up but haven't actually written.
I could be cheap and use Ami to work through my own personality issues/growth, but I'm kinda already doing that with the main character in my Pearl Nuzlocke. Therefore, Ami is always ready and willing to lend a hoof wherever she may be needed. She goes overboard sometimes, though, which gets people mad at her. Since she likes being around kids, she may help out in the Nursery from time to time. Ami is afraid of bees and their meaner cousins (wasps and hornets), shying away whenever she sees one. She also gets progressively more nervous/upset the longer she feels that a situation/character doesn't make sense. It's hard for her to recover from these "meltdowns", which is why she's signed up for biweekly(ish) counseling sessions in FicPsych.
Unlike Chris, Ami tries to find humor in various badfic-spawned horrors and/or give fics the benefit of the doubt. The latter is naive and potentially dangerous, and she knows it, but optimism is in her nature as a pony. (She does have a rational explanation; namely, a fic can be presented poorly but still have a solid main idea.) Only four offenses really anger her: inconsistency (including bad logic), violence towards children, bullying in general, and disrespecting the Princesses (especially Twilight).
Like all My Little Pony unicorns, Ami can channel magic through her horn. Her magical aura is the same shade of blue as her eyes. Ami's magic, besides letting her move things without touching them, centers around music. Specifically her singing, or humming, or even playing piano. She can also cast illusions of things, but they look vaguely ghostlike and cannot make noise. (Illusion magic is more Trixie's shtick anyway.) As a cartoon character, she is able to take a fair amount of physical abuse/slapstick, though she would prefer not to whenever possible. Being a (variety of) horse, she's also a faster runner than Chris.
For your reading convenience (I tend to ramble a bit when I write stuff), here are the control prompt and random prompt in all their Google Doc glory.
My first target is here.
Questions? Comments? Concerns?
You: well, I recognise your name, and you don't set off any mental alarm bells, so no problem there. ;)
Characters:
Chris - seems fairly inoffensive. I'm glad you highlighted that Meganium only comes along in Pokeverse missions - that's been a rule for a long time, which is why Jay and Acacia never took their minis in with them. Plus the fact that he's essentially a living weapon - yeah, good call.
(Random thought - if Chris comes across Agent Falchion in the corridors, would he try to battle him? What would happen if a PPC agent got himself stuffed into a Pokeball? Eek.)
Ami - why isn't it pronounced 'Ami'? I'm assuming naming her 'Friend' was deliberate, here, in which case, nice one. ;) Again, no real problems here (do ponies have glasses? I'm assuming so, since you don't include that under 'confused by modern technology'; if not, a story where she gets them is always fun). The magic seems low-key enough not to be a problem. I'm guessing it'll still work when she's in disguise, since it's not specifically related to a physical attribute - you say it's 'channelled' through her horn, but actually invoked by music (very Tolkien, that).
So yeah, no problems there. On to the meat of things: the samples.
Control Prompt - Hey, this is good! I'm pretty sure I just wasted my time reading the bios - this story covers pretty much everything I needed to know. The one thing I flagged up as 'huh?' is Chris apparently being 'deadpan' when he explains a Pokeball - usually that word indicates 'saying something funny/telling an outrageous lie and not letting it show', which isn't what he does.
(Also, Velociraptor has feathers, not fur, but I guess you're thinking 'down-type feathers' here. Well done on giving an otherwise accurate depiction of it!)
I really like the fact that Meganium is a significant player in this story, but is also not stealing centre-stage - the two agents are the real stars.
Random Prompt - this one has a feel of being something of an afterthought. I like the setting, but you spent more time explaining the game than anything else. Still, it does give a nice look at their interactions.
I was disappointed that you didn't do something with the singing aspect of Ami's magic - it seems like it would be a perfect opportunity to show that off. And, of course, you have her glaring at Chris - which would be fine if you hadn't specifically described her as being almost ridiculously nice. I agree with her sentiment, but I'd expect something more sad than angry from her.
Oh, and you lost the final speech mark in the story, which may contribute to the 'afterthought' feel.
But still - despite some strange sentence structures ("I did both of them because I have no idea which one’s lead" is the one that makes absolutely no sense to me), it shows off Chris' personality well, and gives a peek into Ami's alongside it. And, for that matter, it shows how you'd write an 'action' scene; not bad.
Conclusion - in case you can't tell from the generally positive tone of the above, I'm going to go with Permission Granted. Have fun!
hS
PS: How difficult did you find the Permission process? Was there anything you think was less than helpful? Can you suggest any improvements? Conversely, did anything we needed help you develop your characters more? Since I keep revising the process, I figure feedback is probably a good idea. ;)
Congratulations! I'll be awaiting your first mission--if I don't slow you down too much, that is!
(I specified that Ami was pronounced like Amy because I thought people might get confused. Whoops.)
*showered in cakefetti* I can't wait to get started! Thank you so much for the praise/concrit! And yes, I do think it would be hilarious if Chris tried to battle Falchion. Key word "tried", since, well, Grass isn't the best type to fight Steel/Flying types with.
Thinking about it, I'm surprised I didn't include Ami's magic during the random prompt either. Maybe next time. As far as the "will her magic work when she's in disguise?" thing goes, I think that's most likely to happen in fantasy continua. But as always, the Laws of Narrative Comedy trump everything.
Again, thank you so much for giving me Permission! *bear hugs*
I can't wait to see what you put forward. Congratulations.
*The Armor Bird Pokemon offers a selection of Berries, fresh from Hoenn!*
I apologize for getting this a bit late, but I got your e-mail about it too, so congrats! I can't wait for your first mission and our collab. :)
IIRC, Pokemon battling within the PPC HQ isn't allowed, though now that I think of it, Falchion accidentally triggering battles with other Pokemon-verse agents due to his presence alone would make for a pretty neat running gag, especially if they have a casual conversation the entire time. It'll also be a great way for him to meet new people like Chris for example - and maybe we could do an interlude about exactly that! XD
Disguises would most likely have the same abilities as the species in question, so if you're disguised as a unicorn pony, you'll be able to use unicorn magic; inversely, disguising yourself as a human will prevent you from using any special abilities, as Falchion can attest based on his first two missions. As a general rule, the abilities of a disguised form should be consistent with what the continuum in question would allow. Anything out of the ordinary would look suspicious to the canons and especially the Sue your agents are trying to kill.
And sometime in the future I'll be bringing one in myself, though I have a feeling Zeb won't last more than a handful of missions before having a nervous breakdown.
Oh man, the running gags that could get started, though...
(To Sarah) "Aww, what a cute Skarmory! Is he your Pokémon?" *goes to tickle under his chin*
And then Falchion immediately flips his s**t because it's the hundredth time that day someone thought he was a pet. :P
Can't that wait until our collab or something?! Well, at least that's a pretty interesting idea for yet another running joke...
It's funny, though - I've seen both Pokemon Trainers and Pokemon themselves suggested as agents or staff members, and there hasn't really been much talk about what would happen if members of the two parties actually encountered each other. That could make for an interesting source of story ideas, and since my collab with eatpraylove will involve both Falchion and Chris, I suppose it would be a great opportunity to bring up this issue. XD
Is this particular Velociraptor rather furry than feathery because it’s a "fluffy velociraptor", a Newbie Gift given by Legacy? I got one myself, but since I didn’t know what to do with it I assumed that it’s just a toy and may sit on some board. Well done!
HG
Still doesn't mean it can't be a down-covered murderchicken, though, so I stand by my interpretation.
hS
Since I thought of the "fluffy velociraptor" as a toy, I automatically went "plushy", but for a living velociraptor much smaller than the normal size (a baby velociraptor?), "downy" works better.
HG
I used 'murderchicken' advisedly - Velociraptor mongoliensis was, indeed, about the size of a dog. The Jurassic Park animals would have been better described as Deinonychus (at the time sometimes classed as Velociraptor antirrhopus, though of course Crichton specifically states that they're V. mongoliensis at one point), or even Utahraptor. But Velociraptor is a cooler name. ;)
hS likes dinosaurs. ;)
Congratulations, eatpraylove! *throws more cakefetti* Can't wait to see your first mission!
Oh, and hS, Rarity is often seen wearing a very stylish pair of red glasses when she sews. Just so ya know.
