Subject: A Halloween treat for you all!
Author:
Posted on: 2014-10-31 23:28:00 UTC
No tricks here. I've whipped up a PPC Loftcraft-style AU one-shot for your reading pleasure. I've never written anything in the horror genre before now, so any concrit as to my effectiveness would be doubly appreciated. Many thanks to Neshomeh both for betaing and for lending me the character of Jenni Robinson.
The Journal
PoorCynic
I loved the tone and the pacing. It conjured images in my mind of an old New England campus under a dull leaden sky. There is only one way that I think it could have been improved: it could have been longer.
A longer story could have meant more mystery and suspense. You brought both of those to the table in satisfactory amounts, but I'm a bit of a glutton and would have enjoyed a larger feast.
All-in-all, very well done.
-Phobos
That's supposed to be an extended sibilant - 'nisssse' seemed wrong, somehow.
Nice. I was genuinely tense, waiting to find out how it would end - and the journal framing is very Lovecraft. As is not showing us the 'monster' much at all - very good.
'course, now I have to add the Canonical Preservation League to the Multiverse Atlas... I think they can be listed as 'the Unspeakable Verse'.
hS
Probably not the best idea to read this just before bedtime. :/
But I loved it. All the details (like 'De Plaughtoules') were just spot-on and it worked both as a PPC story and a Lovecraft homage.
Thank you for the very lovely treat!
An issue that a lot of creepy stories have is pacing, and you definitely nailed that. Well done!
I also love the way you incorporated PPC-related terminology in a manner that was Lovecraftian, such as C'l'br'n and Ehnobei and the other badfics. Very cool.
There goes my ability to sleep tonight. Bravo, well done!
A fitting Halloween story.
There are, however, two small issues, both found in the following sentence:
Her surroundings looked no better in the flickering flame then they had illuminated by the lights in the hall.
First off, there's a then/than error: no better in the flickering flame then they had...
Secondly, this sentence could be made more readable with the addition of a word or two:
Her surroundings looked no better in the flickering flame than they had been when illuminated by the lights in the hall.
I highly recommend adding the second word; adding the first word as well is optional.
Those issues aside, an excellent story.
BTW, did you get my e-mails?
The last part, especially, with the fountain pen... *shivers* Thanks in advance for the nightmares.
Seriously, though, this was excellent!