Quite good by
Phobos
on 2014-11-03 21:09:00 UTC
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I loved the tone and the pacing. It conjured images in my mind of an old New England campus under a dull leaden sky. There is only one way that I think it could have been improved: it could have been longer.
A longer story could have meant more mystery and suspense. You brought both of those to the table in satisfactory amounts, but I'm a bit of a glutton and would have enjoyed a larger feast.
All-in-all, very well done.
-Phobos
Nicccce. by
Huinesoron
on 2014-11-03 10:48:00 UTC
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That's supposed to be an extended sibilant - 'nisssse' seemed wrong, somehow.
Nice. I was genuinely tense, waiting to find out how it would end - and the journal framing is very Lovecraft. As is not showing us the 'monster' much at all - very good.
'course, now I have to add the Canonical Preservation League to the Multiverse Atlas... I think they can be listed as 'the Unspeakable Verse'.
hS
Creepy ... by
EileenAlphabet
on 2014-11-01 22:53:00 UTC
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Probably not the best idea to read this just before bedtime. :/
But I loved it. All the details (like 'De Plaughtoules') were just spot-on and it worked both as a PPC story and a Lovecraft homage.
Thank you for the very lovely treat!
Really good! by
Rats
on 2014-11-01 05:17:00 UTC
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An issue that a lot of creepy stories have is pacing, and you definitely nailed that. Well done!
I also love the way you incorporated PPC-related terminology in a manner that was Lovecraftian, such as C'l'br'n and Ehnobei and the other badfics. Very cool.
Well... by
Darkotas
on 2014-11-01 01:07:00 UTC
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There goes my ability to sleep tonight. Bravo, well done!
Well-done indeed! by
son_of_heaven176
on 2014-11-01 00:59:00 UTC
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A fitting Halloween story.
There are, however, two small issues, both found in the following sentence:
Her surroundings looked no better in the flickering flame then they had illuminated by the lights in the hall.
First off, there's a then/than error: no better in the flickering flame then they had...
Secondly, this sentence could be made more readable with the addition of a word or two:
Her surroundings looked no better in the flickering flame than they had been when illuminated by the lights in the hall.
I highly recommend adding the second word; adding the first word as well is optional.
Those issues aside, an excellent story.
Dude. This story. I got chills. by
Iximaz
on 2014-11-01 00:43:00 UTC
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The last part, especially, with the fountain pen... *shivers* Thanks in advance for the nightmares.
Seriously, though, this was excellent!