Subject: I can imagine it, and it is pretty amusing:
Author:
Posted on: 2014-10-08 13:18:00 UTC
Miniature motherly-slash-berserk she-wolves. That has a certain charm to it.
"Down, Ceaser, down! My partner is not your adopted son!"
Told you they'd be close together. ;)
PPC: Driftwood - And So The Journey Begins (LotR, Suvian)
And we have our first abuse report! Anyone want to start taking bets on how long SturmUndSquee will stay active? (Don't worry - the whole lot are backed up on GDrive, too)
And, as before, I'm taking requests for their next mission, on a 'first come, only served' basis. Requirements:
-The badfic needs to be short; not more than 6000 words, please.
-The badfic should be rated no higher than T/PG-13.
-Please tell me why you think it's bad! You can use the Intelligence Report format (below the line underneath), or something less formal, but don't just throw me a link and say 'this is a bad story'.
-The one you can't judge... I have to know the canon! I'm not even going to try and list what I know, so just post and I'll say if I don't. I will note that, barring 'Pokemon games up to Platinum', I don't think I'm familiar with anything in the anime-manga continuua. (Other canons identified as unknown: My Little Pony)
So - what've you got for me this time?
hS
How about this? His little girl
This probably might on the way too short to mission side, since it is only one chapter long and certifiably dead.
So, we have a potion gone wrong that is still nevertherless strong enought to drain Hermione of her intelligience and give it to Ron, which obviously would have turn them really OOC if this ever continued. Said intelligence draining turns Hermione mentally into a toddler, which in turn leads to her being literally turn into a toddler via another uncanonical potion.
Her parents abandon her, she gets adopted by Harry which convulutely turns into a legal adult and there is the unexplicable mention of "magical adoption" making the child look like their parents...
And then there is this lovely bit of badly done fourth-wall breaking " Up to now, this narrative has dwealt on Hermione's plight. The effects of the potion on her. Now, let's switch to Ron's. You may remember, and hopefully you do, or you've got short term memory loss issues, that the potion was meant to give Ron all the intelligence that Hermione lost. You might have assumed, since Ron's name was mentioned, literally, only ten times in the last chapter, compared to Hermione's twenty-four, that maybe since the potion was made so badly, Ron had escaped all its effects. "
So, what do you think? is this thing missionable?
Okay, yeah, that's... definitely mission-worthy (and missionable). Since I'm trying to keep 'accounts current' as it were, I'm not storing it up - but you're welcome to resuggest it next thread (which is already up).
Actually, correction: having Hermione in the next mission would interfere with something I'm planning, so keep this back for the one after. Alternately, I'll come back to it if-and-when people stop giving me requests.
hS
You can bet on it that I will ressuggest it when the Mission 5 suggestion threat comes up. I will be really glad to see this thing get killed.
here it is then.
I like that Selene got to show off her emotions more this mission. I didn't realize she liked Boromir so much, so it was nice to see the scary thunder-pire acting like the typical PPC agent more. (Full disclosure: I haven't read most of your past missions yet, so I don't know what she acted like much before I joined. I'll get around to them eventually, but you're kind of a low archival priority, since I doubt you're leaving anytime soon. (: )
Anyway, that emotional response to Boromir made the ending scene where he dies all the better. You can really hear from both agents' dialogue that they care about Boromir, but also that they respect him too much to interfere with his life, in the way any given Sue might.
I also like the extremely subtle bit of envy going on regarding the cloak. One thing that I think would have been improved would be seeing the action of Selene grabbing the cloak as it happened, rather than getting it as narration to Agent Kaitlyn afterwards. I get why you did from Kaitlyn's point of view, since it reinforces Kaityln's desire to get the cloak, but it would have been more exciting from Selene's pov.
The charge scene is especially excellent. I love that Kaitlyn delivers the charges in a way that Guinevere doesn't realize she's on the chopping block. It's a nice gesture to a less offensively bad character, but more importantly, it allows the agent and the Sue to have a more real conversation, because the Sue isn't instantly set on guard by antagonistic words.
All in all, a fun mission, you had some entertaining little moments, and did a few things new and different.
—doctorlit, who realizes his reviews more resemble flat discussions sometimes, but hopes they are still of some value, or at least interesting to read.
Replies in approximate order:
Selene has been a bit up-and-down in terms of her personality. It comes from having two authors, plus my writing style changing significantly in the middle of her run. The stories I think of as including in-character Selene are 'legolas by laura', Crashing Down, and 'Rejection' from my Alternates>Agentshipping page. Her earlier missions will probably need rewriting; the 'big vampire reveal' in particular is just, uh, bad. (And I didn't write it, so it's not my fault! ;))
The cloak... only exists because Kaitlyn needed one when she talked to Guinevere. So I'm pleased it worked out well, since it was quite last-minute! I see your point about seeing Selene take it, but you've also hit on one of my reasons for not doing so. Additionally, I try to stick vaguely to a Kaitlyn POV - it's not consistent, but there are very few scenes where she's not present. Something similar happens in the next mission, mostly because I didn't want to write them trying to portal Godzilla back home...
And yeah, I had fun with that charge scene - could you tell? ^-^ I know I tend to skip over long charge lists, so I figured it would be nice to do something totally different. I'm glad it gave the impression I was going for!
hS
Is it bad that I was crying with the agents when they had to let Boromir die?
And wow, an abuse report already? I saw the review, but either I missed seeing them saying they would report you or it happened after the fact.
Anyway, I have another suggestion! This one's a oneshot, so hopefully it meets the length criteria this time... ^_^'
Fic Name: Bella Black (https://m.fanfiction.net/s/10730297/1/Bella-Black)
Description: Bellatrix Lestrange/Hermione Granger. I'm not kidding.
There are some bizarre scene breaks consisting of the characters' initials, like BBBBBBBBBBBBBB, HGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG, or BBHGBBHGBBHGBBHGBBHG. The POV changes all the time, from first person Bellatrix to first person Hermione to third person.
I can't figure out when in canon it's supposed to take place. I guess sometime during book seven, but there wasn't any mention of the Battle of Hogwarts from what I could understand and yet Hermione just happened to stumble across Bellatrix sobbing by the black lake. And instead of jinxing a Death Eater on sight? She goes up to her and asks why she's crying. *headdesk*
It's also rated K but there's at least one F-bomb and an extremely casual mention of Bellatrix being raped that made me mad.
Yeah, the reviewer sent me a very polite PM to let me know she'd reported it. I hold no grudge, but I do hope it doesn't get booted just yet.
'Bella Black'... well, obviously I've already got a next mission (and am having great fun with it), but this looks like one to keep on file. The only problem is I never read past the beginning of Goblet of Fire, and never watched the films after OotP, so I don't really know Bellatrix. Or, y'know, why Voldy's crew are apparently having a meeting on the Hogwarts grounds, when Hogwarts appears to be 'friendly' (it mentions that it wouldn't be safe for Bellatrix to wander around) - is that a thing that happened?
And... yeah. How much of what it says about Bellatrix is at all accurate? Any pointers?
(Though, frankly, I could probably charge the whole thing solely based on Hermione's 'You are soft and luscious, your bust is voluptuous and you smell of fire, roses and parchment' speech. Eesh.)
hS
(Other Potterheads, feel free to add anything I might have missed.)
Bellatrix is probably the most devoted of Voldemort's followers and is batcrap crazy. She's responsible for Neville's parents being unable to raise them because she, her husband, and Barty Crouch, Jr. tortured the Longbottoms into insanity because they thought the Longbottoms knew where Voldemort was.
As far as I know, because Bellatrix ate up her parents' pureblood ideals, she was actually the favorite child, though Narcissa was also in good standing with their parents. Andromeda was disowned because she married a muggle-born, though.
There's never any indication that Bellatrix's husband (Rodolphus) was ever abusive- in fact, he's kind of in the background when she's in the scene, if he's even there at all. And if he ever tried to abuse him, she'd Crucio the living daylights out of him. Yes, their marriage was arranged, but there was also never any indication in canon that Bellatrix had a problem with it. Though there are a lot of Bellamort fics out there for a reason- think Legolusters, but apply that to Bellatrix about Voldemort. Except not quite as much. Bellatrix worships the ground Voldemort walks on.
"So I did what He expected of me, when Lucius ...ed up it was me who got punished by Him, so that Narcissa didn't have to worry. I became an imposter, I was locked away in Azkaban."
This here? Wrong. Bellatrix got sent to Azkaban because of her involvement in torturing Neville's parents. And when Lucius '...ed up', let me tell you, he fell WAY out of favor with Voldemort.
"Bellatrix Lestrange is getting up from her seat and walks out of the room. The Death Eaters look after her as if she was crazy, they weren't surprised though. Bellatrix was not like anyone else, she did what she wanted and got away with it. Bellatrix decided to take a walk along the Dark Lake, Hogwarts was not a safe place for someone like her but it was the only place that made her feel something. And that was exactly what she needed, some kind of feeling."
And then while she's out there, Hermione's narration says:
"I saw someone sitting on my spot, I came out here to get rid of all my problems and worries even if just for one night."
WRONG WRONG WRONG. The Death Eaters who were 'teaching' at Hogwarts got chased out/incapacitated before the Battle of Hogwarts and Bellatrix was not one of those Death Eaters. What she was doing in Hogwarts in the first place, I have no idea, and Hermione would have been preparing for battle, not strolling along the lake.
Oh, and Bellatrix wearing yoga pants and a blue sweater? She only wears Death Eater robes, which are black. Muggle clothes are a no-no.
And the stuff about Hermione going to an orphanage because her parents didn't want a witch made me tear my hair out.
Bellatrix being self-conscious? Would never happen in a million years. She's a psychopath and she loves killing and torturing.
And lastly, you can't Apparate or Disapparate on the Hogwarts grounds.
My brain doesn't work right now, so I'll dispense with the formalities: Kelly The Roman Warrior by King Aurthr2 (Rated T). It goes a teeny bit over 6k words - 6,155, to be exact. It's bad because, well... it's basically "My Immortal" complete with a silly Sue and SPaG errors, except purportedly as a Lord of the Rings x Twilight crossover. Also has (bad) Roman antiquity stuff thrown in. To be honest... not sure whether it's trollfic or not.
Though I'll have to write myself a summary so I can follow what's going on... do we have Twilight minis yet? Ah, mini-Sparklewolves. So, hmm... what would a mini from Ancient Rome be? I see we have mini-Erinyes as a potential Aeschylus mini... heh. How would people take the idea of a completely abstract mini, such as a mini-Ides (as in, 'of March'). Given the general personification-obsession of Rome and Greece, they'd have a humanoid form (probably fairy-sized, with seasonal attributes depending on where and when they were encountered) - but they wouldn't always use it. A lot of the time, they'd simply be a vague feeling in your mind that it was the date in question - or, if you've got several hanging around, multiple dates.
hS
My two ideas are mini-Caligulas (yes, that Caligula) or mini-Capitoline Wolves.
They've always creeped me out.
Mini-Capitoline Wolves have some promise... particularly in this story, which has at least one mini-Sparklewolf, and several Dracula minis, which I've already decided on mini-Wolves for. Selene will be delighted to have a whole insane mini-wolf pack around her - even if Edawrd Cullein and his kin are rather runt-like compared to the rest. (Mini-Sparklewolves are apparently rat-sized. ^-^)
hS
Miniature motherly-slash-berserk she-wolves. That has a certain charm to it.
"Down, Ceaser, down! My partner is not your adopted son!"