Right now it's July 2nd, 2016, at where I am. It's 01.15 AM when I type these words, and I am both in tears and shaking, so apologies if you spot a typo. It's never easy to start anything like this. And to some of you it may seem like we've been down this road before... Because yes, we were, but this is the last time you hear from me for a really long time. I will try to phrase myself as clearly as possible, to avoid any sort of hidden meanings or to not make you guys assume my intentions, which is the worst thing ever.
I quit. No, I'm not taking a hiatus, or taking a break, I actually QUIT the PPC. I see no point in staying. Every time I visit the Board, all people can do best is accuse and snap at one another. There are some old animosities looming around, which prevent people from working out their problems in a civilized way. And in the midst of all this am I - somebody who once again had been proven that he doesn't understand humans, and tries his bloody best to stay on everyone's good side. But apparently all I do is insult people, attack them and generally being the worst thing since Hitler.
When I came here, in April of last year, all I wanted is to be with people. That was my worst weakness - inability to maintain actual working relationships. I thought I could do that with people far away that I don't see face-to-face. I wanted to feel needed. For the first few months it worked, but then... one huge mistake led to another, and now I'm here - far behind the starting point. And if I continue to stay here, I will fall even lower.
Today, once again I've been proven that one mistake - albeit a big one, I'll admit - is enough. That no matter what I say or do, I will be treated like the worst type of garbage, without any chance for redemption. I would like to sincerely, with no ill will in mind, thank that person, for showing me how pointless my attempts to make friends were.
One thing I should make extremely clear - I am not trying to play the victim, or look for culprits. All that had happen was my fault. I did my fair share of bad things here. Most of them came from my - as somebody nicely put it - clinical inability to take the hint, or letting anything lie. I acknowledge that everything I talked about previously, started with ME saying something that sparked the whole problem.
Therefore I shall remove myself, before I spit venom at everything and everyone around. Hopefully I won't poison the next community I join.
I am not saying this is a definite goodbye... but I won't even be a lurker. I need to fix everything that is wrong with me. As they say, "physician heal thyself".
To everyone I did wrong: If it's of any worth to you, I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.
To everyone I was going to co-write with: Forgive me.
To my Betas: Your job is done, and I thank you for all your hard work.
To everyone else: It was fun while it lasted.