Subject: Maybe a good decision
Author:
Posted on: 2016-07-02 02:35:00 UTC
When you are harassing people in private to the point that they repeatedly ask you to stop, it's generally a good idea to take a break and reevaluate yourself. I would know.
Right now it's July 2nd, 2016, at where I am. It's 01.15 AM when I type these words, and I am both in tears and shaking, so apologies if you spot a typo. It's never easy to start anything like this. And to some of you it may seem like we've been down this road before... Because yes, we were, but this is the last time you hear from me for a really long time. I will try to phrase myself as clearly as possible, to avoid any sort of hidden meanings or to not make you guys assume my intentions, which is the worst thing ever.
I quit. No, I'm not taking a hiatus, or taking a break, I actually QUIT the PPC. I see no point in staying. Every time I visit the Board, all people can do best is accuse and snap at one another. There are some old animosities looming around, which prevent people from working out their problems in a civilized way. And in the midst of all this am I - somebody who once again had been proven that he doesn't understand humans, and tries his bloody best to stay on everyone's good side. But apparently all I do is insult people, attack them and generally being the worst thing since Hitler.
When I came here, in April of last year, all I wanted is to be with people. That was my worst weakness - inability to maintain actual working relationships. I thought I could do that with people far away that I don't see face-to-face. I wanted to feel needed. For the first few months it worked, but then... one huge mistake led to another, and now I'm here - far behind the starting point. And if I continue to stay here, I will fall even lower.
Today, once again I've been proven that one mistake - albeit a big one, I'll admit - is enough. That no matter what I say or do, I will be treated like the worst type of garbage, without any chance for redemption. I would like to sincerely, with no ill will in mind, thank that person, for showing me how pointless my attempts to make friends were.
One thing I should make extremely clear - I am not trying to play the victim, or look for culprits. All that had happen was my fault. I did my fair share of bad things here. Most of them came from my - as somebody nicely put it - clinical inability to take the hint, or letting anything lie. I acknowledge that everything I talked about previously, started with ME saying something that sparked the whole problem.
Therefore I shall remove myself, before I spit venom at everything and everyone around. Hopefully I won't poison the next community I join.
I am not saying this is a definite goodbye... but I won't even be a lurker. I need to fix everything that is wrong with me. As they say, "physician heal thyself".
To everyone I did wrong: If it's of any worth to you, I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.
To everyone I was going to co-write with: Forgive me.
To my Betas: Your job is done, and I thank you for all your hard work.
To everyone else: It was fun while it lasted.
IP was 89.31.57.5.
I'm only intermittently on Discord and I don't talk like that. You're almost as pathetic a mimic as you are a person, if this is the only way you can get your jollies.
The chaos!
The mayhem!
We've all turned on each other, like rabid wolves!
O', the horror!
Eating shadowy eagles.
:|
:O
hS
He was the one who created this chat channel, so unless he gave it to someone else, he could not exactly leave it anyways. Unless I'm grossly misunderstanding Internet, a quite probable possibility.
has been in the chat to see who's present there. Has anyone noticed any unfamiliar names there?
—doctorlit, Scooby Dooing it
It records every person who has been on a server ever, and as far as I know there is no way to delete yourself from the server list.
Anyone know who Squidfeathers is on Discord?
The perp would be the first person we met.
By that logic, Jay and/or Acacia are doing this.
I did wonder what they were up to... =]
by looking for his/her name somewhere?
Doesn't that defeat the purpose of an impersonator?
—doctorlit is Scooby Dum-ing it, apparently.
(Scooby Dum is a canon character, you heathens. Look it up!)
…but all this pitying praise for Matt has confused and angered me. Data is right. I've seen evidence that he has been harassing at least one member of this community (who shall remain nameless, unless they wish to be named). He was told multiple times to stop, but continued to persist. I've seen multiple chat logs to that effect. It's fairly damning.
And yet almost everything here is platitudes for Matt.
He says "I am not trying to play the victim." And yet, his post is full of self-pitying statements like "Hopefully I won't poison the next community I join" and "generally being the worst thing since Hitler." He says that he wants to assume responsibility. And yet, he uses low-key insults like "I would like to […] thank that person, for showing me how pointless my attempts to make friends were" to dig at the person HE was harassing.
Yes, not everyone has seen what I've seen. And yes, my words by themselves are not evidence of wrongdoing. No doubt someone will blast me for engaging in the kind of arguments that Matt bemoans. But I will not stand here and see people praise him mindlessly. People should at least know more of the whole picture.
Since when has the board been nothing but harassment before? If I were in his place, I'd at least do a fact check even under his conditions, because there's a reason MatPat of Game Theory coined the mnemonic "ASSUME = ASS U ME." It basically means "ASSUMING only makes an ASS out of U and ME." I get that we're all human and thus prone to violent outbursts, but when has the board ever devolved to the point that Matt came up with the idea to say that we're nothing but harassment and toxicity?
And yes. Passive aggression is the worst thing. to send yourself off on. Self-contradiction is also on the same level as passive-aggression.
Final word: It is impossible for me to read his message in a voice that isn't HERO's rant after one of the most severe streaming drama incidents of 2015. If you don't know what I'm talking about, just look here. (Warning: Hour-long rant of playing the victim card combined with an inflated ego. At one point HERO breaks down into tears and begins mindlessly spouting BS about the Terraria community and its developers. That is the voice I am talking about.) And that is a very bad thing.
As a newbie, I can already tell that Matt's final words are something to be concerned about. You simply do not storm out of a community like this. Period.
... whether having a chat channel should be listed under Bad Ideas or Very Bad Ideas. Everybody appears to be a decent person on the Board, and then suddenly these outbursts happen.
I’m glad I never went there.
HG
We have had people engage in this sort of behavior over email before too, completely separate from the chat. It's not the fault of the chat, it's the fault of the people who believe it's okay to harass other people.
But blaming people for not knowing the entire picture when they can't know it (since a lot of the abovementioned went on in private chat) is not fair.
You sir, are a great person. Cheer up and don't let anything get to you. I personally found no form of you being the worst thing since Hitler, and would like to tell you that you are a much better man than him.
Your characters are excellent. William and VJ have that kind of chemistry that I hope will develop into my own characters, and I have been genuinely excited to read a Hip & Hop story for a longest time. In fact, you are one of my favorite writers here.
I believe the biggest mistake you can do in this situation is leave, as there are so many people who will miss you and your writings. To hell with those who put you down.
~Mattman, who hopes you come back sometime soon.
Like I told you, Cipher, you are a good person, and I see no evidence that you have been poisoning the Board. Quite the contrary in fact.
But, in the even that you are gone, and won't see these words, I just want to say good luck, may the odds be ever in your favor, may the stars guide your path, may you always receive twice the good you give to the world, may your sword be reforged into a plough, and every blessing I don't know. And I hope that if, one day, you return, you no longer feel that we do nothing but argue, and that you'll be welcomed back with open arms. Goodbye.
I do genuinely like you, and I'm sad to see you go. *hugs* I'm sorry you've had so many problems with people here.
When you are harassing people in private to the point that they repeatedly ask you to stop, it's generally a good idea to take a break and reevaluate yourself. I would know.
I'm going to assume that this post, and the other two, are our proxy-using, previously-banned troll again. So I'm going to delete them, as is the appropriate reaction for someone who has been banned from posting.
If you are someone else, I suggest you post under your own name so people can decide whether to ban you, too.
hS
I don't know who the hell you are but if you know this it's because I either trusted you and told you about my mental illnesses, or someone i did trust told you. Either way, making someone's mental illness status public is seriously Not Cool.
Also, it's really rude to say people have personality disorders if they haven't said so in advance. Who are you, anyway?
Regardless of the truth of your statement, and I am fully aware of it, it is beneath us to cast aspersions of this nature. What are you going to do with that, force him to leave?
I was giving friendly advice. Someone on the board once told me you never learn from your mistakes if you don't know what they are. I just want him to learn.
Also weren't you the one who called this a flounce in the Discord channel? Talking like that about people when they're not around ia rude.
This is exactly what Matt's talking about. The Board is becoming a place where it seems like what we do most of the time is argue, and I'm starting to agree.