On the wall behind the throne, a large opening held an equally large bladed slowly rotating fan, through which light spilled.
I don’t like the word order. Wouldn’t "equally large slowly rotating bladed fan" sound better?

It appeared to be the main source of light, which was focused the dais.
Missing word?

"All this is is torture, until it kills her. There's no point in waiting."
Is July stuttering?

Tortura, as an agent of the Plot Protectors of the Continuum, I charge you ...
Intentional?

To Kimberly's horror, Tortura's skin parted as the the bullet went through, and reformed around the bullet hole with a suckering fleshy sound.
One "the" is enough.

HG

On the plus side, it seems missioning is like riding a bike. You nerver forget.

On the other side... How do you get at something no-selling the usual methods? Nobody respects a good old headshoot anymore.

Get it down, ladies. But please, make sure you comeback in one piece, and an entire one to boot.

doctorlit spelled out the good parts of this mission a lot more completely and a lot more eloquently than I could, so I'll just say "ditto" and leave it at that.

One question, though: Didn't you recruit six Agents total for this badfic? Where are the other four?

Of course, errors incoming:
1) Despite the sun shining above them, they were the only two around.
The logical connection between the clauses eludes me. Please explain: What does one have to do with the other?

2) the short hairs on the back of her neck and down her arms was pricked from a nonexistent chill.
Number agreement error: the hairs ... were pricked

3) No dumping it into a censorious country and hoping they declare it lewd and slash or obscene?
There's a punctuation error: it should be "lewd and-slash-or obscene"

4) "You aren't very threatening," she told it. "You're too titchy."
Was that a misspelling, or is "titchy" some regional slang that I am unfamiliar with? Dictionary.com suggests "tetchy".

5) Besides the whole unearthly atmosphere of horror and wrong pervading everything it's still a nice day,
There is a comma missing: "Besides the whole unearthly atmosphere of horror and wrong pervading everything, it's still a nice day,"

6) "Unless you're a sadist yeah."
Another missing comma: "Unless you're a sadist, yeah."

7) As far as humans rights go.
You added an extra letter; the term is human rights

8) He held a metal staff in hand, that was topped with a large 'Z'.
Delete the comma, or change the "that" to "which".

The different take on how the Word World was affected was not only refreshing, but very fitting considering the situation at hand.

... and how exactly that crazy girl that Agent!July is ended up enlisting in the Navy without trouble?

Good work, keep it up!



Also, Nikki would like to point out to Library that she shouldn't look down on trouser-wearing female Agents. As much as she prefers skirts too, she finds a pair of jeans to be far more practical on the field.

Oh, man, the Putties. They really are fantastic, aren't they? And I'm super glad you've made them the mini for Power Rangers; they deserve it!

The scene where you introduced Lord Zedd is quite gorgeous. I love that you described his throne room and appearance well enough to get across the malevolent feel of the setting, but without going purple prose. The freaky-but-appropriate scene transition on the way there goes a long way towards that mood, as well.

And. Tortura. Yeah. That is . . . I know a lot of the monsters on the show were on the dumber side conceptually, but . . . Wow. Tortura is just so baldly overt. And being made of books that discussed torture is particularly non-creative. I'm curious to see how you'll portray it (refuse to say "him") down the line. And for someone with, ostensibly, a torture kink, I get the feeling the author doesn't really understand torture much at all?

I'm intrigued by your choice to treat the world so differently than most missions, making the badfic nested inside the canon, rather than starting with a generic Word World space. It makes sense for such an old and well-known story, and gives "Agony in Pink" a much more parasitic feel compared to most badfics. Making the canon essentially empty is also a nice choice; it makes moments that should have made me feel all nostalgic, like visiting the Youth Center, feel unnerving instead, which adds to the tone of the world itself being inhabited by something wrong.

One little thing that I love muchly is that you have Kimberly take down some of the Putties once the agents reveal themselves. It's a short little moment, but it just feels extra good, knowing that AiP utterly dis-empowers her for plot reasons; I like that she gets her ability to fight back restored once she's rescued from the fic's influence.

—doctorlit was starting to feel like a poor fan, but now he understands why July seemed to retain so much more info on the show than he.

I must admit, I did not see that ending coming. [Er, spoiler alert!]









Good on the agents for getting Kimberly out of there... I'm guessing she'll be replaced like the victims in "Rainbow Factory"? Though the fact that Tortura gave July an "lol nope" reaction and now knows there are agents out to get him is giving me a nasty feeling in my gut. Hope this turns out well for them.