Here's a complimentary plate of cheeses.

Please accept this finely-crafted starter Pokémon!

Iiiiiiiit's Dragalge!

And your starting item is:-

Toxic Worm from Risk Of Rain!

An item I've given out before, actually, Toxic Worm grants a 30% chance to Poison an opponent if you hit them with a contact move or vice versa. However, it's not super-useful on Dragalge, primarily you want to be running Adaptability on it because Draco Meteor kills everything that isn't a Fairy. Grab a Calm-natured one and Super Train it in HP, Special Defence, and a little bit of Speed to outspeed Hippowdon. For moves, you'll want Draco Meteor, Sludge Bomb, Toxic Spikes, and Scald to spread burns - physical attackers don't like that at all. Most importantly, though, remember to have fun. =]

Welcome aBoard! Have this non-sentient hoodie.

Here, have this teac— no get out of there, dammit. Oh, well, have the hamster as well. It doesn't bite.

This magical shovel digs up Angelic Hymns LPs! Take 'em to the Gates of Hell, Rodin will make weapons for ya.

(I've been playing a lot of Bayonetta today)

*dusts off pile of bumper stickers *

Have a bumper sticker!

Welcome to our dark, dank corner of the internet!
Don't worry, the floor's not wet, those're just bloodstains.
We're not animals, y'know.

As it is customary to present gifts to our new sacrifices, I bestow upon you: a plastic bag!
Can't have all the mould getting on your pages, can we?
What's the use of an open book you can't read?

*Insert random gift*
Tell me, have you ever read Brandon Sanderson's books before?

Take this Replica Holocron as a newbie gift, have a seat by the fireplace, and leave your sanity by the door.

Since I you're a fellow Potter fan, may I ask what House you're in?

*high-fives* Glad you found your way over here. I'm assuming since you mentioned OFUM you're a Lord of the Rings fan, yes? What are your other fandoms?

Your Newbie Gifts are a bucket of movie-theater popcorn (to eat while you read the Important Stuff at the top of the Board) and a leaf brooch!

Have one of my own shed feathers and a complimentary kit of Spikes!

Have this pot of black-hole coffee, please. Now, the important questions were asked, only things left for you are answering them and enjoying youur stay in this madhouse.

Have this tiny Caterkiller as a gift! Just make sure you keep it away from any hedgehogs. :D

So what are your fandoms? Fandoms are fun.

Hello, and welcome aBoard! For your newbie gift, take this plate of freshly-made SPaGhetti!

If you haven't yet read them, may I point you towards the Original Series and the Constitution? They're pretty much the only required reading around these parts. Another useful resource you might use is