Subject: Not a PG, just saying: Hope you make it!
Author:
Posted on: 2016-04-20 01:20:00 UTC

I skipped the random prompt, since I don't really like reading fight scenes, but I read the control prompt, which seems competent with frequent flashes of good, and thoroughly in the spirit of the PPC. My thoughts as I read:

-I like your description of Matthew being bored. An impatient agent is going to be funny to read about. Saying "How did he know this?" seems a bit superfluous to me, though; most people can tell when they're bored.
-This might just be me, but I think it's better not to use tautological descriptions unless you're trying to suggest that the thing being described is confusing or that the character doing the describing is inarticulate, because, well, they're not very descriptive. I've read about RCs of many different sizes, none of which I would compare to any of the high school classrooms I've been in. This didn't actually get in the way of my imagining their RC, but it was slightly irritating.
-Some of your sentence structure is a bit odd, but the more I look at it, the more it seems like a character quirk of Matthew's or just an eccentricity of the story. Either way, it doesn't impede reading and is rather nice, actually.
-Are you censoring your characters or not? Decide; having both threw me for a moment. Creative curses seem to be PPC standard, but I guess it's up to you.
-Matthew's only seen the movie?! Or is the fic movieverse? Either way, this is going to be hilarious. (I've been warned away from the movie, so I haven't seen it, but if it includes a scene with Aphrodite's daughters in a hot tub with a bunch of satyrs, and this is the scene that establishes that there are many demigod siblings. . . I suspect that's all I need to know).

Overall, I feel like Matthew's character came through very strongly here, and he seems like someone who it will be fun to read about. Ajax is not as sharply drawn, but he seemed to show up more in the parts of the random prompt I read/skimmed. I hope you get to make this spinoff.

--Key, who doesn't even have Permission

Reply Return to messages