Subject: Elleth Lite.
Author:
Posted on: 2016-04-17 05:43:00 UTC

'Ssssh, it's okay. It's going to be okay. You're among friends,' John T. Elf whispered to the tree, placing a thick, cosy blanket over some branches.

'It - it was awful,' The tree whimpered, a pathetic and unwelcome shudder running through its colossal, age-worn trunk.

'Please, if you could just explain what happened,' John said quietly, worried that his voice would cause the wooden behemoth to tumble to the ground in a great pile of elf-crushing leaves and branches.

'First,' The tree sniffed. 'First she started with the questions.'

'That's awful,' John said, not getting it.

'I don't even know what a Galadriel is! Why would she ask me?!' The tree moaned, releasing a great, rustling sob.

'It's okay, it's okay,' John said, carefully pouring some of his tea on the tree's roots.

'Thank you,' The tree whimpered, soaking the tea into its roots with a faint 'Schhwooooorp'* noise.

'She began - began,' The tree paused. 'My bark...'

'She ran her fingers over your bark?' John asked, face wrinkled with horror.

'The ridges... wisdom and strength, all of it.'

'This will not do,' John hissed, standing. He was getting it.
'I will find her.'

'Be careful,' The tree whispered. 'She has taken much from me. She is no longer lite...'

'What is she?' John asked, gripping his spear in vengeful hands.

'Elleth Heavy.' †



*Trees actually sound like this when they absorb tea. Try it.

†This is the second funniest joke I've made in fifteen years. If you think that's good, wait until you see the first funniest one.

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